# my baby is leaving.....and I'm sad :(



## lisa127 (Aug 6, 2012)

I'm sure other parents of college age kids will chime in here. My daughter is leaving for college in less than 3 weeks. I'm experiencing some separation anxiety. She is going to college about 3.5 hours from home so it's not like I can hop in the car and go visit her anytime. It seems like I just gave birth to her not too long ago. Then I raised her for 18.5 years, and now she just leaves me??!! I think this is empty nest syndrome...lol. I still really do have one at home, but she is a senior in high school. Soon to be spreading her own wings. So it's not like I have a little one here that I know will be sticking with me for years to come. In all seriousness, I do worry so much about her safety though. I just pray she comes back to me safe every holiday.


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## CLMoss (Aug 6, 2012)

I am so sorry that you are going thru this... I don't have any children so I don't have any good advice for you. What I can tell you is my brother's daughter, Corrina, after her college years, is home all of the time! Well, as much as she can! Her and Sol (her husband) only live an hour and a half away, so they are there a lot. Plus, they (my brother) lives in the Hamptons... Summer fun! Leave the babies and go to the beach! LOL! My poor brother and sister-in-law have their hands full. So this is just a new chapter of what is yet to come. I believe that some of the best years of your life is yet to come. Hang in there and get skype (sp?). ~C


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## AustinASU (Aug 6, 2012)

I can tell you this as I'm currently a college student, her first semester is going to be a little rough for the both of you, but she is going to be well taken care of. She'll meet new friends that will show her how to be responsible and most of all time management....it'll be tough but i promise you that she will come out of it strong.  i know you hate the fact that she is grown up now, and no mom will accept it, but with some relief i can assure you she will be in gods hands and well taken care of.


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## CourtneyAndCarl (Aug 6, 2012)

I am on the other end of this, I am leaving for college (well not really leaving, I am staying at home), and I can assure you that even if she doesn't act like it, your daughter is going to be missing you just as much as you will her. My sisters both lived in the dorms at a college about an hour and a half away, and came home at least once a week, during the weekends, to do laundry.


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## lisa127 (Aug 6, 2012)

CLMoss said:


> I am so sorry that you are going thru this... I don't have any children so I don't have any good advice for you. What I can tell you is my brother's daughter, Corrina, after her college years, is home all of the time! Well, as much as she can! Her and Sol (her husband) only live an hour and a half away, so they are there a lot. Plus, they (my brother) lives in the Hamptons... Summer fun! Leave the babies and go to the beach! LOL! My poor brother and sister-in-law have their hands full. So this is just a new chapter of what is yet to come. I believe that some of the best years of your life is yet to come. Hang in there and get skype (sp?). ~C



Cute pic! And yes, I'm excited about grandchildren some day. I hope it's a few years away yet, but on the other hand I can't wait!!





futureleopardtortoise said:


> I am on the other end of this, I am leaving for college (well not really leaving, I am staying at home), and I can assure you that even if she doesn't act like it, your daughter is going to be missing you just as much as you will her. My sisters both lived in the dorms at a college about an hour and a half away, and came home at least once a week, during the weekends, to do laundry.



If she were only an hour and a half away, she would be coming home more I'm sure. But she is going to be a good 3.5 hours away (and that's with no traffic). I wish it was only an hour and a half!


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## Kerryann (Aug 6, 2012)

I raised my cousin from the time she was 13 and about 5 years ago she went away to college. It was so hard and I was so depressed. She comes home a few times a year and I spoil the crap out of her. 

I definitely get the separation anxiety.


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## CLMoss (Aug 6, 2012)

Yes, I understand... Corrina went to college in Binghamton, NY, and that was about 4+ hours away from her home in Long Island. They (the kids) really miss "free food!" LOL! And the laundry detail. And, being cared for with love the only way that a mother can care with love. She will find her way home more than you think.


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## Kerryann (Aug 6, 2012)

CLMoss said:


> Yes, I understand... Corrina went to college in Binghamton, NY, and that was about 4+ hours away from her home in Long Island. They (the kids) really miss "free food!" LOL! And the laundry detail. And, being cared for with love the only way that a mother can care with love. She will find her way home more than you think.



Usually with a bag of dirty and worn out clothes, a car that needs fixed, an empty wallet, and some puppy dog eyes ... I wouldn't trade it for the world.


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## terryo (Aug 6, 2012)

My youngest some just graduated last June from Binghamton U up state. It was 3 1/2 hr's from here, since he was my last one, I was so lonely, and miserable. He joined a fraternity, made new friends and even studied in Italy for a month. After he came home he seemed so much more mature, and did his own laundry, cleaned his room, and even cooked himself when he was hungry. He's been home a year, and is taking some more classes in Manhattan....trying to be a writer. Now it's like he never left...I'm doing the laundry again, cleaning his room again, and doing all the cooking too. But I'm so happy to have him home again I don't care. I know he'll be going off on his own soon, but at least I have him for now. All the other boys are married and have kids, and live close by, so the grand kids are always over. But those 4 years he was away I missed him so much....none of the other's went away to college and he was my baby


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## Angi (Aug 6, 2012)

I have an 18 year old son. he is going to JR collage and living at home this year and maybe next. he is diiapionted but i am glad. His goal his to play D1 basketball. he had D 2 offers but would rather play at a JC. I don't like that he is pulling away from me and thinking he is an adult. 18 is so not an adult. this is very hard, so I feel for you. I am glad I have a 13 year old. I am thinking about making him do 2 years of 8th grade. I kind of regret not having a third child


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## lisa127 (Aug 7, 2012)

Angi said:


> I have an 18 year old son. he is going to JR collage and living at home this year and maybe next. he is diiapionted but i am glad. His goal his to play D1 basketball. he had D 2 offers but would rather play at a JC. I don't like that he is pulling away from me and thinking he is an adult. 18 is so not an adult. this is very hard, so I feel for you. I am glad I have a 13 year old. I am thinking about making him do 2 years of 8th grade. I kind of regret not having a third child



I agree. Eighteen may be _technically_ an adult, but to me it's hardly really an adult. I don't see it as a child either. We need a new term.....the transition phase...lol. That being said, yours is a boy and for a boy 18 is sooo not an adult. Girls are a bit different. As I said, my younger one will be 18 in six months, so unlike you I don't _really_ have a younger one. 





terryo said:


> My youngest some just graduated last June from Binghamton U up state. It was 3 1/2 hr's from here, since he was my last one, I was so lonely, and miserable. He joined a fraternity, made new friends and even studied in Italy for a month. After he came home he seemed so much more mature, and did his own laundry, cleaned his room, and even cooked himself when he was hungry. He's been home a year, and is taking some more classes in Manhattan....trying to be a writer. Now it's like he never left...I'm doing the laundry again, cleaning his room again, and doing all the cooking too. But I'm so happy to have him home again I don't care. I know he'll be going off on his own soon, but at least I have him for now. All the other boys are married and have kids, and live close by, so the grand kids are always over. But those 4 years he was away I missed him so much....none of the other's went away to college and he was my baby



Enjoy him for the short time he will be home. I envy the grandchildren....I can't wait for that!


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## Jacqui (Aug 7, 2012)

As parents we spend the first years of our children's life teaching them to be able to function independently, to be successful out in the real world and we teach them how to make the right choices in their lives. We reassure them as they take those first steps, wipe their tears, bandage their ouchies, suffer with them through their first broken hearts. We encourage them to learn to spread their fragile wings, until they finally have the strength to fly. Then fly they do and suddenly our hearts, while filled with pride, are silently inside breaking watching them go.

For me, the first to leave home was the hardest. With the first you don't fully deep down in your heart know they will come back. Some come back all the time, some it's sadly just a rare occasion. There will be empty spots in the house and an unusual quiet (much like the ones you use to know meant they were getting into trouble  ). Nothing will fill those spots, they just become something you grow use to and stop noticing. Then come the visits. The entire house (and you) will become totally alive. There will be moments you might wish for the the noise level to drop, but all in all you'll love every second of it. You will start to see what awesome young adults you had a hand in raising and with it comes a new kind of pride.

My first, left home on the day of graduation. He wanted to get a job and here in the middle of nowhere, jobs are not easy to get. So he moved 1.5 hrs away... for a year. Then he went to a strange place far away called Arizona. Knowing he was not within distance for a visit, whenever I wished meant a new emptiness and fear. Once more, time healed a lot of those issues. When number two went to college, she went 4 hrs away. Those four hours might be a greater distance, but never felt as far as the first child being an hour and a half away. Just as she has now moved to Albuquerque and that too does not feel as bad (even tho with her being a female I had another set of worries). Once more, when number four left, I really heard how quiet the house could be, but you know I have come to like the quiet and peace. To know my days are finally mine to do what I want, when I want.

My kids come often to visit (or help with work), or I go visit them, or we met in the middle. Those times are like special holidays and celebrations. They are on some many levels no longer "my babies", yet in the most wonderful ways they are. At the same time, they are these mature, thoughtful, funny, and warm adults. Remember at their birth, that sense of the child being a miracle? The awe you felt and amazement that you could make such a perfect creature? Well that wonder is sorta what your going to start feeling all over again.

Your daughter is not abandoning you, she is just spreading her wings and getting her adult plumage in. Just like the seasons always come round again, so too will she. Each time will be a new joy and wonder to behold. When all is said and done, at the end of the day she is and will always be, your little girl.


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## Yvonne G (Aug 7, 2012)

I guess I'm cold-hearted. I jumped for joy when my babies fledged. Couldn't wait to get rid of them!! I had a boy and a girl, and food never stayed in the fridge long enough to spoil. They both left home at about the same time. It was SO peaceful!!! But then, I love being alone.


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## Kerryann (Aug 7, 2012)

Angi said:


> I have an 18 year old son. he is going to JR collage and living at home this year and maybe next. he is diiapionted but i am glad. His goal his to play D1 basketball. he had D 2 offers but would rather play at a JC. I don't like that he is pulling away from me and thinking he is an adult. 18 is so not an adult. this is very hard, so I feel for you. I am glad I have a 13 year old. I am thinking about making him do 2 years of 8th grade. I kind of regret not having a third child



I think it's smart to go to community college for the first years. University is expensive. I tried to convince my kid to do that but she was gungho on doing the university route so I agreed. I went directly to university but I had a scholarship. When I have a kid I plan to set aside a certain amount and say this is what you have to spend, and base that spend on the first to years at community college. 
When mine left it seemed like she was never home for the first six months. After the first semester maybe she got homesick? She is home at least one weekend a month and then any other weekend she needs/wants something. My kid is two hours north of where I live. What's funny is that her bedroom is like a time capsule. Last year we had a foreign exchange student and put her in Kel's room. I think she about had a melt down.  
It is hard at first but it get's easier. The worrying never goes away, and with young people there is always some drama to keep you engaged. I semi regularly get the call that either her car is broken, someone upset her, she is or is not getting a part time job, she feels sick, and the list goes on.


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## lisa127 (Aug 7, 2012)

Jacqui said:


> As parents we spend the first years of our children's life teaching them to be able to function independently, to be successful out in the real world and we teach them how to make the right choices in their lives. We reassure them as they take those first steps, wipe their tears, bandage their ouchies, suffer with them through their first broken hearts. We encourage them to learn to spread their fragile wings, until they finally have the strength to fly. Then fly they do and suddenly our hearts, while filled with pride, are silently inside breaking watching them go.
> 
> For me, the first to leave home was the hardest. With the first you don't fully deep down in your heart know they will come back. Some come back all the time, some it's sadly just a rare occasion. There will be empty spots in the house and an unusual quiet (much like the ones you use to know meant they were getting into trouble  ). Nothing will fill those spots, they just become something you grow use to and stop noticing. Then come the visits. The entire house (and you) will become totally alive. There will be moments you might wish for the the noise level to drop, but all in all you'll love every second of it. You will start to see what awesome young adults you had a hand in raising and with it comes a new kind of pride.
> 
> ...



Thank you. This was touching and it made me cry.





emysemys said:


> I guess I'm cold-hearted. I jumped for joy when my babies fledged. Couldn't wait to get rid of them!! I had a boy and a girl, and food never stayed in the fridge long enough to spoil. They both left home at about the same time. It was SO peaceful!!! But then, I love being alone.



It's not cold hearted. There is a part of me that feels this way, honestly. I'm a loner by nature, and I too love being alone. 

Part of the problem is my husband and my other daughter (who will be with me still for the next year) are loud, high strung people that are difficult for my reserved loner self to handle sometimes. The daughter that is leaving is more like me (to a little lesser degree though).


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## CLMoss (Aug 7, 2012)

Jacqui said:


> As parents we spend the first years of our children's life teaching them to be able to function independently, to be successful out in the real world and we teach them how to make the right choices in their lives. We reassure them as they take those first steps, wipe their tears, bandage their ouchies, suffer with them through their first broken hearts. We encourage them to learn to spread their fragile wings, until they finally have the strength to fly. Then fly they do and suddenly our hearts, while filled with pride, are silently inside breaking watching them go.
> 
> For me, the first to leave home was the hardest. With the first you don't fully deep down in your heart know they will come back. Some come back all the time, some it's sadly just a rare occasion. There will be empty spots in the house and an unusual quiet (much like the ones you use to know meant they were getting into trouble  ). Nothing will fill those spots, they just become something you grow use to and stop noticing. Then come the visits. The entire house (and you) will become totally alive. There will be moments you might wish for the the noise level to drop, but all in all you'll love every second of it. You will start to see what awesome young adults you had a hand in raising and with it comes a new kind of pride.
> 
> ...



I have tears in my eyes! That was beautiful! ~C





emysemys said:


> I guess I'm cold-hearted. I jumped for joy when my babies fledged. Couldn't wait to get rid of them!! I had a boy and a girl, and food never stayed in the fridge long enough to spoil. They both left home at about the same time. It was SO peaceful!!! But then, I love being alone.



LOL! I think that my mother felt the same way when my older brother got married and left... I believe that he was only 22 years old at the time. 
~C



CLMoss said:


> Jacqui said:
> 
> 
> > As parents we spend the first years of our children's life teaching them to be able to function independently, to be successful out in the real world and we teach them how to make the right choices in their lives. We reassure them as they take those first steps, wipe their tears, bandage their ouchies, suffer with them through their first broken hearts. We encourage them to learn to spread their fragile wings, until they finally have the strength to fly. Then fly they do and suddenly our hearts, while filled with pride, are silently inside breaking watching them go.
> ...


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