# A little humor to brighten your day



## saginawhxc (Nov 10, 2016)

The more I become comfortable around here the more I'm probably becoming known as a little bit of a wise-***.

I would never do it to be mean, I do it because I truly believe humor is a way to brighten ones day, and for some reason I keep expecting others to find me as funny as I find myself.

That being said I would love to see a thread where we can post all tortoise related humor.

I'll start with this. It's not mine, but it's being passed around Facebook, but for those who don't use it i will post it here:

"Watching my girlfriend's tortoise while she's on vacation. She told me to keep him out of trouble."

#LoveWhatMatters

Credit: Consent_van via Reddit


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## JoesMum (Nov 10, 2016)

That last picture made me laugh


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## saginawhxc (Nov 10, 2016)

I really love the tortoise snorting the line of calcium. It feels like a really clever inside joke.


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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Nov 10, 2016)

saginawhxc said:


> I really love the tortoise snorting the line of calcium. It feels like a really clever inside joke.


No tort would be seen alive with a Coors , they drink Bud only ! Torts have good taste !


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## Tortoise_Wrangler (Nov 10, 2016)

Grandpa Turtle 144 said:


> No tort would be seen alive with a Coors , they drink Bud only ! Torts have good taste !



My Tortoises drink Pabst Blue Ribbon.


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## Tidgy's Dad (Nov 10, 2016)

Grandpa Turtle 144 said:


> No tort would be seen alive with a Coors , they drink Bud only ! Torts have good taste !


Yes, I've seen these photos before. 
Did Cowboy Ken post them ?
The Coors makes it a possibility.


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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Nov 10, 2016)

Tidgy's Dad said:


> Yes, I've seen these photos before.
> Did Cowboy Ken post them ?
> The Coors makes it a possibility.


It wasn't me ! No Coors !


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## Yvonne G (Nov 10, 2016)

saginawhxc said:


> "..... and for some reason I keep expecting others to find me as funny as I find myself."




My sister and I are always saying this to each other. She's usually the only one who 'gets' it when I make a humorous comment, and likewise, I find her awfully funny!!

David started a joke thread...I'll see if I can find it to link here.

Wow! I didn't realize David had started so many joke threads. Too many to link here. Oh well...we can start here with yours.


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## Big Ol Tortoise (Nov 10, 2016)




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## saginawhxc (Nov 10, 2016)

Yvonne G said:


> My sister and I are always saying this to each other. She's usually the only one who 'gets' it when I make a humorous comment, and likewise, I find her awfully funny!!
> 
> David started a joke thread...I'll see if I can find it to link here.
> 
> Wow! I didn't realize David had started so many joke threads. Too many to link here. Oh well...we can start here with yours.


I looked and saw a few random ones, but nothing along the lines of what I was looking for.


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## saginawhxc (Nov 10, 2016)

Grandpa Turtle 144 said:


> No tort would be seen alive with a Coors , they drink Bud only ! Torts have good taste !


There is a punk rock song from the early 90's that was titled "I only drink Bud." It was all I could think of when you made this comment.


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## saginawhxc (Nov 11, 2016)

Not tortoise related, but pet related holiday humor.

Happy Veterans Day. I know we have members from all over the world, and I don't know if your respective countries celebrate anything similar, but wherever you are from if anyone of you anywhere has served your country let me thank you for that today.


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## Gillian M (Nov 11, 2016)

A lovely thread @saginawhxc . Thanks for posting.


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## Gillian M (Nov 11, 2016)

saginawhxc said:


> The more I become comfortable around here the more I'm probably becoming known as a little bit of a wise-***.
> 
> I would never do it to be mean, I do it because I truly believe humor is a way to brighten ones day, and for some reason I keep expecting others to find me as funny as I find myself.
> 
> ...


Typing?


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## Gillian M (Nov 11, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Nov 11, 2016)

Take a seat please.​


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## saginawhxc (Nov 11, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Take a seat please.​


I want one.


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## TerrapinStation (Nov 11, 2016)

saginawhxc said:


> I want one.



Me too. @Gillian Moore where did you see that?


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## TerrapinStation (Nov 11, 2016)

Here is our tortoise after a long St. Paddy's day.....


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## Gillian M (Nov 11, 2016)

TerrapinStation said:


> Me too. @Gillian Moore where did you see that?


Google.


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## TerrapinStation (Nov 11, 2016)

Wow just had my mind blown when I googled tortoise ottoman..... So many good things.


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## Gillian M (Nov 11, 2016)




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## TerrapinStation (Nov 11, 2016)

Here is my girlfriend and I at a charity trunk or treat... we had the most "abstract" (i.e thrown together) decorations.

But that is my signature hamburger hat for your comedic enjoyment!


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## cmacusa3 (Nov 11, 2016)

TerrapinStation said:


> View attachment 191868
> Here is my girlfriend and I at a charity trunk or treat... we had the most "abstract" (i.e thrown together) decorations.
> 
> But that is my signature hamburger hat for your comedic enjoyment!



And this is really the reason kids shouldn't except candy from strangers. Jk!!


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## saginawhxc (Nov 11, 2016)

TerrapinStation said:


> Here is our tortoise after a long St. Paddy's day.....
> View attachment 191865


Well that is one way to hydrate your enclosure...


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## saginawhxc (Nov 16, 2016)

Here is an old one.


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## Big Ol Tortoise (Nov 24, 2016)




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## saginawhxc (Nov 25, 2016)

Where is the part of the day where they poop in the water dish?


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## saginawhxc (Nov 25, 2016)

So I thought my buddy was selling hand grenades...


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## AZtortMom (Nov 25, 2016)

saginawhxc said:


> So I thought my buddy was selling hand grenades...


Great


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## Bee62 (Nov 25, 2016)

Watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d0EryxzfTw&app=desktop


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## Gillian M (Nov 25, 2016)




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## Kapidolo Farms (Nov 25, 2016)

saginawhxc said:


> The more I become comfortable around here the more I'm probably becoming known as a little bit of a wise-***.
> 
> I would never do it to be mean, I do it because I truly believe humor is a way to brighten ones day, and for some reason I keep expecting others to find me as funny as I find myself.
> 
> ...


 wise-*** can work as wiseA$$ too, just in case you wanted to know.


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## saginawhxc (Nov 25, 2016)

You know, self censoring my language when using sites like this is a bigger struggle then it should be.


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## Gillian M (Nov 26, 2016)

Who's carrying who? ​


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## Gillian M (Nov 26, 2016)




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## Yvonne G (Nov 26, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Who's carrying who? ​


Oh wow... what a great picture. It took me a few seconds to realize it's an optical illusion.


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## Gillian M (Nov 26, 2016)

Yvonne G said:


> Oh wow... what a great picture. It took me a few seconds to realize it's an optical illusion.


Hi Yvonne. "Funny" isn't it?


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## Gillian M (Nov 26, 2016)

Would you like a tortburger? 



​


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## saginawhxc (Nov 26, 2016)

Maniac!


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## Gillian M (Nov 27, 2016)

The tortoise and the hare. ​


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## Gillian M (Nov 27, 2016)

​


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## saginawhxc (Nov 27, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> The tortoise and the hare. ​


That makes me think of the time ET wears the wig.


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## Gillian M (Nov 28, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Nov 28, 2016)

​


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## Big Ol Tortoise (Nov 28, 2016)

I went to my local zoo 2 years ago and I found these guys. I didn't even know what they were 2 years ago lol. but know I do!
(My zoo isn't like most. It's a rescue sanctuary for animals)


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## Gillian M (Nov 28, 2016)

Big Ol Tortoise said:


> View attachment 193326
> 
> I went to my local zoo 2 years ago and I found these guys. I didn't even know what they were 2 years ago lol. but know I do!
> (My zoo isn't like most. It's a rescue sanctuary for animals)



At least there is a zoo.  Here in Jordan there isn't one.  The reason? Well, I was told that they are too costly.


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## Gillian M (Nov 28, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Nov 28, 2016)

​


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## Gillian M (Nov 28, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Nov 28, 2016)




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## Bee62 (Nov 28, 2016)

Who will be boss?

(Author unknown)



When the first body was created, all parts wanted to be the boss.

The brain said, "Since I manage everything and get thinking, I should be boss!"

The feet said, "Because I want to put people where they want to go and put them in a place where the wishes of the brain can be done, I should become a boss!"

The hands said, "Since we all have to do work and earn the money to keep you alive, we should be boss!"

The eyes said, "Because we have to be careful and tell you where dangers lurk, we should be boss!"

So it was with the heart, the ears, the lungs - and finally the asshole announced and demanded to be boss. All parts of the body laughed horribly about the thought that an asshole could be boss. The asshole was so annoying that it locked itself and refused to continue to function. Soon the brain had a fever, his eyes ached and ached, his feet failed to serve, his hands hung limply at the sides, and the heart and lungs fought for their lives. Then everyone asked the brain to give in and make the asshole to the boss.

And so it happened!

All the other parts did the work; But the asshole just came around and gave a lot of ****.

Moral: As a boss you do not need to be a head, but only an asshole.


https://www.google.de/search?client...ved=0ahUKEwi2_YCv3MzQAhXIF5oKHdnzDJcQ1QIIeygE


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## Gillian M (Nov 29, 2016)

​


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## saginawhxc (Dec 3, 2016)

For some random reason whenever I hear the term mothership I think of the 80's miniseries "V". Anybody else remember that one?


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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)

We've always been able to block people. ​


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## saginawhxc (Dec 3, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


>


This one really made me laugh out loud.


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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)

saginawhxc said:


> This one really made me laugh out loud.


Hi. Me too. I read it time and once again. 

A bright little girl, isn't she?


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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)

I don't. How many of you single ladies do, here at TFO?​


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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)

​


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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)

Vegetables are alive!​


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## Gillian M (Dec 3, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Dec 6, 2016)




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## Big Charlie (Dec 6, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> I don't. How many of you single ladies do, here at TFO?​


This is me! I can't open anything! It's good I'm not single or I would starve.


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## cmacusa3 (Dec 6, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> At least there is a zoo.  Here in Jordan there isn't one.  The reason? Well, I was told that they are too costly.



https://www.google.com/search?q=is+...fari#istate=lrl:iv&rlimm=12837365821293014906

Found you a Vet and now a zoo.


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## Big Ol Tortoise (Dec 6, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Dec 7, 2016)

Big Charlie said:


> This is me! I can't open anything! It's good I'm not single or I would starve.


Wow! That bad? (Joking). I'm single, and this has probably made me learn to do EVERYTHING (or almost).


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## Gillian M (Dec 7, 2016)

cmac3 said:


> https://www.google.com/search?q=is+...fari#istate=lrl:iv&rlimm=12837365821293014906
> 
> Found you a Vet and now a zoo.


Oh thanks so much. Mind you, these are not really zoos.I've been to a couple. Know what you see there? A couple of birds, a few cats, that's almost it. Not the zoos in Europe and The States I'm afraid.

Thanks your help all the same.


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## JoesMum (Dec 7, 2016)

Handy guide


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## Gillian M (Dec 7, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Dec 7, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Dec 7, 2016)

Five minutes before a final exam. 
​


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## Gillian M (Dec 7, 2016)

​


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## Big Ol Tortoise (Dec 7, 2016)




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## saginawhxc (Dec 12, 2016)




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## Big Ol Tortoise (Dec 12, 2016)




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## Gillian M (Dec 13, 2016)

​


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## saginawhxc (Dec 29, 2016)

"How do you prepare these?"
"Throw them on the ground."
"...Huh?"


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## Alexio (Dec 29, 2016)

saginawhxc said:


> "How do you prepare these?"
> "Throw them on the ground."
> "...Huh?"



This has happened to me a few times... But i usually have several bags of greens accompanied by several bags of junk food.


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## saginawhxc (Dec 29, 2016)

Alexio said:


> This has happened to me a few times... But i usually have several bags of greens accompanied by several bags of junk food.


That is me!!!


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## Big Ol Tortoise (Dec 29, 2016)




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## Moozillion (Dec 30, 2016)




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## cmacusa3 (Dec 30, 2016)

^^^^ good ones


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## GingerLove (Dec 30, 2016)

Wow, that emoji freaked me out!!!!


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## Moozillion (Dec 30, 2016)

cmac3 said:


> ^^^^ good ones
> View attachment 195954


OH.MY.GOD.


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## Moozillion (Dec 31, 2016)

cmac3 said:


> ^^^^ good ones
> View attachment 195954


This was  freaky enough on my iPhone, but it's  REALLY awful at full size on my laptop!!!!


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## Moozillion (Dec 31, 2016)




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## domagoj (Dec 31, 2016)




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## Yvonne G (Dec 31, 2016)

GingerLove said:


> Wow, that emoji freaked me out!!!!



Can you imagine just how painful that mouth must be on the real person whose picture was taken for the emoji? Yuck.


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## Moozillion (Dec 31, 2016)

Yvonne G said:


> Can you imagine just how painful that mouth must be on the real person whose picture was taken for the emoji? Yuck.


I never thought of that...


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## Big Charlie (Dec 31, 2016)

Moozillion said:


> View attachment 195951
> 
> View attachment 195952
> 
> ...


I forgot about this website. I used to waste tons of time on it!


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## Moozillion (Jan 1, 2017)




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## Kristoff (Jan 1, 2017)

Who took the cookie?


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## Moozillion (Jan 2, 2017)

Kristoff said:


> Who took the cookie?


CUTE!!!!!!!


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## Moozillion (Jan 2, 2017)




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## saginawhxc (Jan 3, 2017)

2016.


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## Big Ol Tortoise (Jan 8, 2017)




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## GingerLove (Feb 13, 2017)

*Never leave uneaten food on your plate. It will be claimed.*


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## saginawhxc (Feb 14, 2017)

Slow cooker.


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## GingerLove (Feb 14, 2017)

saginawhxc said:


> Slow cooker.


AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!


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## Gillian M (Feb 14, 2017)

saginawhxc said:


> Slow cooker.


He's gorgeous! If he's slow fair enough, but what does his food taste like?


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## Gillian M (Feb 14, 2017)




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## Gillian M (Feb 14, 2017)




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## saginawhxc (Feb 16, 2017)

Change "Books" to "Tortoises".


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## GingerLove (Feb 16, 2017)




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## Gillian M (Feb 16, 2017)




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## Gillian M (Feb 16, 2017)

​As a matter of fact *I'm* the one who's tired of waiting for Spring, whilst it's _SNOWING_ here right now.


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## saginawhxc (Mar 16, 2017)

My next tortoise will be named Lord Voldetort!


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## saginawhxc (Apr 25, 2017)

.


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## Gillian M (Apr 26, 2017)




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## Gillian M (Apr 26, 2017)




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## Gillian M (Apr 26, 2017)

​What would you choose? A raspberry or a tortberry?


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## Gillian M (Apr 26, 2017)

Who would like some chocolate cake here?






Yummy!​


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## Gillian M (Apr 26, 2017)

​


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## Gillian M (Apr 26, 2017)

​


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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Apr 26, 2017)




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## saginawhxc (Oct 18, 2017)




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## Bee62 (Jan 19, 2018)




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## Bambam1989 (Jan 19, 2018)

Bee62 said:


>


Haha what a great pic to brighten my morning!


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## Moozillion (Jan 19, 2018)




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## Moozillion (Jan 19, 2018)

This is my brother in his Halloween make-up, done by a professional movie make-up artist as a demonstration!
And yes, he was a Master Sergeant in the Army - I hear they ALL look like this!!!!!!!


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## Bee62 (Jan 20, 2018)

have a nice weekend friends


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## Moozillion (Jan 20, 2018)




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## Bee62 (Jan 27, 2018)

Hey, I am SUPERDOG. What`s the problem ????


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## Moozillion (Feb 2, 2018)

Bee62 said:


> Hey, I am SUPERDOG. What`s the problem ????



ADORABLE!!!! [emoji7]


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## Bee62 (Feb 2, 2018)

*Don`t laugh ! It is my job to look that way: I am the dog of Al Capone !*


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## Bee62 (Feb 2, 2018)

*Can you please tell us the way to the "Who has the most wrinkles" contest ?*


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## Moozillion (Feb 2, 2018)




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## Moozillion (Feb 2, 2018)




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## Bee62 (Feb 2, 2018)

Moozillion said:


> View attachment 229248


Sooo cute !!!!


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## Bee62 (Feb 11, 2018)




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## Bambam1989 (Feb 11, 2018)

Bee62 said:


>


Muahaha I failed that test[emoji48]


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## Yvonne G (Feb 12, 2018)

This was one of those side bars on Face Book:

A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
“Nurse,”‘ he speaks uneasily from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse responds, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and foot.”
He tries to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look normal.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you so much. That was great. Now listen very, very closely:

Are – my – test – results – back?”


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## Bambam1989 (Feb 12, 2018)

Yvonne G said:


> This was one of those side bars on Face Book:
> 
> A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
> “Nurse,”‘ he speaks uneasily from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
> ...


[emoji28] [emoji33] wow that's just too funny!


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## Tidgy's Dad (Feb 13, 2018)

Bee62 said:


>


1. Boots.
2. Fandom
3. Funk. 
4. Pints
5 . Purse
6. Sax.
Darn! 
I got them all wrong.


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## Bee62 (Feb 13, 2018)

Yvonne G said:


> This was one of those side bars on Face Book:
> 
> A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
> “Nurse,”‘ he speaks uneasily from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
> ...








LOL !!!!!!!


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## mike taylor (Mar 2, 2018)

Big Ol Tortoise said:


> View attachment 193326
> 
> I went to my local zoo 2 years ago and I found these guys. I didn't even know what they were 2 years ago lol. but know I do!
> (My zoo isn't like most. It's a rescue sanctuary for animals)


You must live in Austin


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## Bee62 (Apr 2, 2018)




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## Bee62 (Apr 2, 2018)




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## Bee62 (Apr 2, 2018)




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## Cowboy_Ken (Apr 12, 2018)

Cro-Magnon-Ken


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## Cowboy_Ken (Apr 13, 2018)

How about this? Not trying to offend anyone …

or this one …


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## Bambam1989 (Apr 13, 2018)

Cowboy_Ken said:


> How about this? Not trying to offend anyone …
> View attachment 235936
> or this one …
> View attachment 235937


Haha


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## MilotheTort (Apr 13, 2018)

Yvonne G said:


> This was one of those side bars on Face Book:
> 
> A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
> “Nurse,”‘ he speaks uneasily from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
> ...



OMG HAHAHAHA


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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Apr 13, 2018)




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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Apr 14, 2018)




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## Cowboy_Ken (Apr 15, 2018)




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## Cowboy_Ken (Apr 15, 2018)

Some advice for our new parents in an easy to remember flash card form…


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## Bee62 (Apr 15, 2018)

Cowboy_Ken said:


> How about this? Not trying to offend anyone …
> View attachment 235936
> or this one …
> View attachment 235937



Fantastic ! I love it.


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## Bee62 (Apr 15, 2018)




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## Bee62 (Apr 15, 2018)




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## Bee62 (Apr 15, 2018)




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## Bee62 (Apr 15, 2018)




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## Rover15 (Apr 15, 2018)

Adult humor warning


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## Bambam1989 (Apr 15, 2018)

Rover15 said:


> Adult humor warning
> View attachment 236076
> View attachment 236077
> View attachment 236078
> View attachment 236079


Too funny! Lol


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## Cowboy_Ken (Apr 19, 2018)

WARNING ADULT HUMOR FOLLOWS


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## Cowboy_Ken (Apr 20, 2018)




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## Bee62 (Apr 21, 2018)

Cowboy_Ken said:


> View attachment 236539


This is cute !


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## Cowboy_Ken (Jun 15, 2018)

I’ve got my sweet Dobberman, “Ava”. She loves everyone but for one week I’d like to do this …


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## Bee62 (Jun 15, 2018)

Cowboy_Ken said:


> I’ve got my sweet Dobberman, “Ava”. She loves everyone but for one week I’d like to do this …
> View attachment 241985


That`s a funny trick to keep burglars away ! LOL ! I love it !


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## Cowboy_Ken (Jun 15, 2018)

Bee62 said:


> That`s a funny trick to keep burglars away ! LOL ! I love it !



My neighbor across the street has a sweetie blue nose pit bull, we were joking if we did that with both our dogs we could keep most folks from even driving down our road. LOL


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