# Might Be Leaving T.F.O.



## Gillian M (Jun 12, 2016)

Hello everyone. Hope you are all well.

Would like to inform you ladies and gentlemen that I might be leaving the forum soon and very soon. Although I did learn a lot, I am obliged to say that some members are very hurtful, heartless, and do not know how to help/give advise diplomatically.

Thanks to those who have been of real help.


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## Yvonne G (Jun 12, 2016)

I know you're a very sensitive person, Gillian, but you've got to try to let hurtful comments slide off your back. Most times something that hurts you wasn't intended to be hurtful by the person who said it.

You and Ollie are always welcome here.


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## JoesMum (Jun 12, 2016)

I am really sorry to hear you have had a rough ride Gillian. 

It is easy to misinterpret the sentiment of what is typed in a forum. There is no face to look at so you can see the actual meaning of the words. 

Also meaning can be lost in translation as different nationalities on here use the English language differently... and some are translating from their first language into English. What sounds fine and unhurtful in one country can come across as rude in another country. 

Few people are purposefully spiteful and TFO is one of the friendliest forums I have experienced, but even TFO goes through rough patches occasionally. 

Please stick around.


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## Gillian M (Jun 12, 2016)

Yvonne G said:


> I know you're a very sensitive person, Gillian, but you've got to try to let hurtful comments slide off your back. Most times something that hurts you wasn't intended to be hurtful by the person who said it.
> 
> You and Ollie are always welcome here.


You've hit the nail on its head Yvonne...you just cannot imagine how *sensitive* (not emotional but sensitive) I am. You'd have to meet me to believe me. Please allow me to tell you that words are easy and things are always easier said done. Moreover, one cannot change one's personality/character after a certain age, I'm sure you know that. Yvonne, I did not join the forum to get hurt, hear (or rather read) words from hurtful/heartless people whom I do *NOT* even know! I joined it because I needed help with Oli. I presume you know that I'd never dealt with animals and had never had a pet until Oli came into my life.

I can assure you that some members (without mentioning names) *meant *it. And here I am 99% sure you know who I mean.

Thanks your kindness and understanding, Yvonne. Appreciate both.


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## Gillian M (Jun 12, 2016)

JoesMum said:


> I am really sorry to hear you have had a rough ride Gillian.
> 
> It is easy to misinterpret the sentiment of what is typed in a forum. There is no face to look at so you can see the actual meaning of the words.
> 
> ...


Thanks very much for your post Linda. 

Will send you n e-mail message.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jun 12, 2016)

Just like some members, and people in general are a little more sensative, there are also some that are abrupt and rude. Even if they don't mean to be. (But I don't doubt that some folks mean it) It's simply the way things are. This might be compounded by cultural and religious or even sexual dialogue that we are not accustomed to and suddenly, there could be a big issue.
People even in the same geographical area don't think that the same things are funny.
For example, I like you very much. You are interesting, honest and caring. But I know that if I shared with you some of my thoughts that I find amusing, you would not. In fact, maybe most would not. But I'm myself and I've gauged about how much of me I can share with members here.
There is at least one member that untill recently I thought was a world class jackass. Then something changed my outlook and I see that I was wrong because this persons serious passion comes out in stern answers that seem down right rude. But they are also extremely helpful and generally absolutely correct.
Even people that like to joke and poke fun at each other...and that happens here a LOT...get their feelings hurt here with just one wrong word.
About two months ago a member that I actually like asked a question and I answered, but it sounded heartless. I answered truthfully. But I'm pretty sure that that relationship has been damaged for good. I didn't know the person well enough to say something so critical of them.
Even if one or two members does actually dislike you, that would not be out of the realm of normal. Block them and move on. Or better yet. Don't block them and just move on.
This place can be fun and it's very helpful.
Your sensativity is not your friend. It's caused you a lot of distress. Distress that you can help get rid of yourself.
Maybe just take a break.
Freinds are here for you.
Many more freinds than actual enemies. That's for sure!


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## saginawhxc (Jun 12, 2016)

I'm not real sensitive at all. In fact there are days my girlfriend accuses me of not having emotions. The only reason I mention this is sometimes I forget that not everybody is like me and I will say something that leaves people thinking I'm a world class jerk. I can assure you I rarely mean to be. You'll rarely meet somebody who cares so much about others, but sometimes I just fail to express sentiments subtly.

I can't and won't speak for your experiences, but I'm guessing at least some of them are similar situations from other people.


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## von345 (Jun 12, 2016)

Don't judge all the " really passionate "
Posters. Stay! For the most part we are all friends who have excellent advice


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## Eric Phillips (Jun 12, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Hello everyone. Hope you are all well.
> 
> Would like to inform you ladies and gentlemen that I might be leaving the forum soon and very soon. Although I did learn a lot, I am obliged to say that some members are very hurtful, heartless, and do not know how to help/give advise diplomatically.
> 
> Thanks to those who have been of real help.



Quite frankly Gillian, I've felt the same way! I've had numerous issues with Yvonne and her emojicons. She thinks she has to emojicon me all the time but doesn't realize there are certain emojicons I don't like....I tried to get her banned for this then someone informed me she's a moderator....good grief!!! Just kidding people, love Yvonne! Fact is Gillian, there is a purpose for you on this forum and of course in life. I can tell your from my experience that I've met people on here that if I lived closer to them, we would be great friends. I've also encountered discussions I particularly didn't care for but maintained a position of awesomeness because no matter what I'm awesome, lol! joking again NOT. I personally feel your an asset to the forum and would hate to see you go. Just remember, I'm not a novelist. My words may appear like a famous author to me but could be interpreted like a hodgepodge of regurgitated insensitive poo to another! My wife would agree probably to the latter Just remember some intentions aren't recognized! Well, after writing this my vertigo wants me to lay down or puke.....just don't blame yourself for my vertigo, lol! I hope you stay!


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## ZEROPILOT (Jun 12, 2016)

There's a reason why so many people from all over the world wind up here and stay.
Its the members.
I don't think I've even mentioned my tortoises but maybe once in my last dozen or so posts.
I'm here visiting freinds.


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## dmmj (Jun 12, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> There's a reason why so many people from all over the world wind up here and stay.
> Its the members.
> I don't think I've even mentioned my tortoises but maybe once in my last dozen or so posts.
> I'm here visiting freinds.


you have tortoises?


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## ZEROPILOT (Jun 12, 2016)

dmmj said:


> you have tortoises?


Exactly.


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## bouaboua (Jun 12, 2016)

OH No....Please don't leave. I always enjoy your posts and comments. I know you are a kind and warm person, don't let some people bother you. If you left, you just fall right in what they want.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jun 12, 2016)

Is anyone sending you unwanted P.M.s?
Or are they replies to posts?
(Now I feel like a big brother.)


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## Yvonne G (Jun 12, 2016)

Eric Phillips said:


> Quite frankly Gillian, I've felt the same way! I've had numerous issues with Yvonne and her emojicons. She thinks she has to emojicon me all the time but doesn't realize there are certain emojicons I don't like....I tried to get her banned for this then someone informed me she's a moderator....good grief!!! Just kidding people, love Yvonne! Fact is Gillian, there is a purpose for you on this forum and of course in life. I can tell your from my experience that I've met people on here that if I lived closer to them, we would be great friends. I've also encountered discussions I particularly didn't care for but maintained a position of awesomeness because no matter what I'm awesome, lol! joking again NOT. I personally feel your an asset to the forum and would hate to see you go. Just remember, I'm not a novelist. My words may appear like a famous author to me but could be interpreted like a hodgepodge of regurgitated insensitive poo to another! My wife would agree probably to the latter Just remember some intentions aren't recognized! Well, after writing this my vertigo wants me to lay down or puke.....just don't blame yourself for my vertigo, lol! I hope you stay!





One of each for you to choose from!!!

And my favorite one that I don't get to use very often (because I'm a mod and it wouldn't be appropriate):





This one may be my new signature:




Sorry, Gillian. I know this is a serious issue for you. Just trying to inject a little humor. Please don't leave!


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## dmmj (Jun 12, 2016)

there goes Yvonne beating a dead horse


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## Gillian M (Jun 13, 2016)

von345 said:


> Don't judge all the " really passionate "
> Posters. Stay! For the most part we are all friends who have excellent advice


A friend would *NOT* five advise in a harsh and hurtful manner, as if he/she is a *DICTATOR*. In this case it is not advise any more. it is *ORDERS.*


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## Gillian M (Jun 13, 2016)

Yvonne G said:


> One of each for you to choose from!!!
> 
> And my favorite one that I don't get to use very often (because I'm a mod and it wouldn't be appropriate):
> 
> ...


No need to apologize. Once again, thanks your kindness and understanding.


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## ColleenT (Jun 13, 2016)

Please stay. You have something to offer. I understand that forums can be tricky to hande with certain people. just remember, you don't even know if that person is a high school graduate. You don't know what kind of genius or idiot they are. Don't let someone you don't even know be able to upset you.


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## Cowboy_Ken (Jun 16, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Hello everyone. Hope you are all well.
> Thanks to those who have been of real help.





Just saying, hon.


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## ascott (Jun 17, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Hello everyone. Hope you are all well.
> 
> Would like to inform you ladies and gentlemen that I might be leaving the forum soon and very soon. Although I did learn a lot, I am obliged to say that some members are very hurtful, heartless, and do not know how to help/give advise diplomatically.
> 
> Thanks to those who have been of real help.



Have you directly notified the offending party(s) that in your opinion they are hurtful, heartless and lack diplomacy in the area of communication? It sometimes does not come easy to do that, but perhaps the more diplomatic way than to tuck and run for good? Likely though, your words will do nothing in altering the way someone else behaves....right.


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## ascott (Jun 17, 2016)

ascott said:


> Have you directly notified the offending party(s) that in your opinion they are hurtful, heartless and lack diplomacy in the area of communication? It sometimes does not come easy to do that, but perhaps the more diplomatic way than to tuck and run for good? Likely though, your words will do nothing in altering the way someone else behaves....right.



Also, there is an "ignore" feature that you can attach to any member on this forum.....this way you have banned them from your life, period.


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## Gillian M (Jun 17, 2016)

ascott said:


> Also, there is an "ignore" feature that you can attach to any member on this forum.....this way you have banned them from your life, period.


Thanks your advise. The "ignore" feature does not solve an issue, believe me.

Thank you once again for your help


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## Pearly (Jun 17, 2016)

Whhhhhaaaatttt???!!!!!! Gillian, I've got to get going for work now, but let's talk about this later, ok? Take a deep breath, and think of all the friends you have on this forum, people who care and accept you just the way you are


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## Gillian M (Jun 17, 2016)

Pearly said:


> Whhhhhaaaatttt???!!!!!! Gillian, I've got to get going for work now, but let's talk about this later, ok? Take a deep breath, and think of all the friends you have on this forum, people who care and accept you just the way you are


Thanks so much your understanding Pearly, you are a true friend!

Will contact you when you have spare time for me: there is a lot I want to tell you.


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## Gillian M (Jun 17, 2016)

ascott said:


> Have you directly notified the offending party(s) that in your opinion they are hurtful, heartless and lack diplomacy in the area of communication? It sometimes does not come easy to do that, but perhaps the more diplomatic way than to tuck and run for good? Likely though, your words will do nothing in altering the way someone else behaves....right.


No I have not. The reason is that I don't believe it'd give the heartless a heart. It wouldn't solve an issue.


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## Markw84 (Jun 17, 2016)

Gillian

I always try to remember there is a balance in the world and all things. 

For up there needs to be down or up would no longer mean anything. 

Right has to have left

Hot has cold

For insensitive - there has to be sensitive

Do not put us out of balance!!!


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## leigti (Jun 17, 2016)

I hope you don't leave. Forums are not always the easiest way to communicate. They will never be able to replace face-to-face communication. But there is a lot of good information here.
Just take a break. A little time away is not a bad thing for anybody I think. Maybe just don't look at it for a while or just pick one or two threads you want to follow and ignore the rest. Use that ignore feature  for anybody who you do not want to hear from. just read but don't respond. These are all ways to cut back a little bit but still stay in touch. I hope you choose to stay


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## Gillian M (Jun 17, 2016)

leigti said:


> I hope you don't leave. Forums are not always the easiest way to communicate. They will never be able to replace face-to-face communication. But there is a lot of good information here.
> Just take a break. A little time away is not a bad thing for anybody I think. Maybe just don't look at it for a while or just pick one or two threads you want to follow and ignore the rest. Use that ignore feature  for anybody who you do not want to hear from. just read but don't respond. These are all ways to cut back a little bit but still stay in touch. I hope you choose to stay


Thank you so much your kind words and understanding. I realize that a message/letter isn't an easy way to "talk" to someone, due to the fact that neither can see the expressions of the other one's face. *BUT* this does not give any of them the right to be *HARSH*/*RUDE*....you name it. Does it?

As for using the "ignore" feature, well, I have used it but to be quite honest to you, it did not solve the issue. Moreover I do take breaks from the forum, believe me.


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## wellington (Jun 17, 2016)

Best thing to do is brush them off. Some people like to think they are "somebody" and must try to make others think so too. The bad thing about forums, you have no idea who these people are, if they are who they say they are and if they are going through hard times of any kind. Take what they say with a grain of salt and let it go. I've had my fair share of people with a problem. The difference between you and me, it's their problem not mine. They probably felt good telling you off, or what ever they did. Don't let them also feel great about it. Scaring you or anyone else away is a notch in their belt. Don't let them have that notch. If what they said was true, but just said in a very mean way, well, use them by learning from them, and go on with your chipper way and that will eat at them


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## christinaland128 (Jun 17, 2016)

Gillian please don't let people upset you! I'm from Detroit I'll give you some of my thick skinned toughness! Free shipping!


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## Gillian M (Jun 17, 2016)

christinaland128 said:


> Gillian please don't let people upset you! I'm from Detroit I'll give you some of my thick skinned toughness! Free shipping!


Hi! Thanks so much your sweet message. Appreciate it.

OK, I agree to taking your "toughness" *asap*!


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## wellington (Jun 17, 2016)

christinaland128 said:


> Gillian please don't let people upset you! I'm from Detroit I'll give you some of my thick skinned toughness! Free shipping!


Ha, Chicago here. Your not so tuff
Big city people can roll it right off, right


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## Pearly (Jun 17, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> Just like some members, and people in general are a little more sensative, there are also some that are abrupt and rude. Even if they don't mean to be. (But I don't doubt that some folks mean it) It's simply the way things are. This might be compounded by cultural and religious or even sexual dialogue that we are not accustomed to and suddenly, there could be a big issue.
> People even in the same geographical area don't think that the same things are funny.
> For example, I like you very much. You are interesting, honest and caring. But I know that if I shared with you some of my thoughts that I find amusing, you would not. In fact, maybe most would not. But I'm myself and I've gauged about how much of me I can share with members here.
> There is at least one member that untill recently I thought was a world class jackass. Then something changed my outlook and I see that I was wrong because this persons serious passion comes out in stern answers that seem down right rude. But they are also extremely helpful and generally absolutely correct.
> ...


Couldn't have said that better myself!


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## leigti (Jun 17, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Thank you so much your kind words and understanding. I realize that a message/letter isn't an easy way to "talk" to someone, due to the fact that neither can see the expressions of the other one's face. *BUT* this does not give any of them the right to be *HARSH*/*RUDE*....you name it. Does it?
> 
> As for using the "ignore" feature, well, I have used it but to be quite honest to you, it did not solve the issue. Moreover I do take breaks from the forum, believe me.


There's only so much you can do. Just protect yourself The best you can. but that doesn't mean you have to leave. This forum is no different then anywhere else, some people are nice some people aren't some people you like some people you don't. But that's OK. Don't beat yourself up for being sensitive, we all have our sensitive spots. And some people just know how to push them whether they try to or not. Hang in there.


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## christinaland128 (Jun 18, 2016)

wellington said:


> Ha, Chicago here. Your not so tuff
> Big city people can roll it right off, right


Haha! Too funny! You know every time we visit Chicago my driving skills fit right in downtown, LOL!


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## surfergirl (Jun 18, 2016)

I hope you decide to stay. We will miss you and your riddles, which I am no good at solving.  please keep giving me the answers after a few posts too, I will need them. lol


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## Kori5 (Jun 21, 2016)

Gillian your heart speaks only kindness. I don't know if I've seen an unpolite post from you. Some can offer experience and some may offer simpathy and comfort. Sometimes these two don't go along very well. You are here to balance those things .


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## Pearly (Jun 21, 2016)

Kori5 said:


> Gillian your heart speaks only kindness. I don't know if I've seen an unpolite post from you. Some can offer experience and some may offer simpathy and comfort. Sometimes these two don't go along very well. You are here to balance those things .


Oh I love how you said it!!! And yes! We all have a purpose and a role in this wonderful community. Maybe yours, Gillian is indeed to "balance things out" as @Kori5 has beautifully put it


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## Turtlepete (Jun 21, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Hello everyone. Hope you are all well.
> 
> Would like to inform you ladies and gentlemen that I might be leaving the forum soon and very soon. Although I did learn a lot, I am obliged to say that some members are very hurtful, heartless, and do not know how to help/give advise diplomatically.
> 
> Thanks to those who have been of real help.



I'd rather ignore all the controversial garbage that goes on on this forum, but I wanted to make a comment here Gillian.

I will assume you enjoy this forum, judging by your active participation with other members. You have friends here. You probably spend a lot of time here and frankly quite enjoy the time you spend here.

Now you are ready to give all of that up because of one(?) individual hurt your feelings in some way.

If you keep making this kind of decision in your life, life is going to REALLY suck, I promise you.

Never give something up that you love because one individual puts you off, upsets you, offends you, whatever. Never give negative individuals any power what-so-never over your life or your decisions. If you want to leave the forum, leave the forum. Sometimes I think members leave for the same reason people leave Facebook: being around the overwhelming negativity can be very damaging to us psychologically. If this is your reason to go, then go ahead. But if you are leaving because of one offending individual, whoever that might be, you are making a serious mistake.


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## Prairie Mom (Jun 21, 2016)

Awww...Gillian! I love you, lady! I'd be sad if you weren't around the forum.

(Also, please let me know if you got my last email with the photos. -There's seems to be a bit of trouble afoot in cyber land)


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## ascott (Jun 22, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Thanks your advise. The "ignore" feature does not solve an issue, believe me.
> 
> Thank you once again for your help



Why not? It works well...there are days to save the world and then there are days to simply be part of it and enjoy it....let idiots spin their wheel....I was once told, "don't ever let another person in your head without paying rent" has worked well for me...but the biggest part of this is self discipline and not at all the other party....


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## Gillian M (Jun 22, 2016)

Prairie Mom said:


> Awww...Gillian! I love you, lady! I'd be sad if you weren't around the forum.
> 
> (Also, please let me know if you got my last email with the photos. -There's seems to be a bit of trouble afoot in cyber land)


Hello. Hope you are well. I'd rather "talk" to you in private. Thanks so much your usual understanding. That is so sweet of you.

Love, 
Gillian and Oli


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## Gillian M (Jun 22, 2016)

Kori5 said:


> Gillian your heart speaks only kindness. I don't know if I've seen an unpolite post from you. Some can offer experience and some may offer simpathy and comfort. Sometimes these two don't go along very well. You are here to balance those things .


You have confirmed to be a *TRUE* friend. Thank you for your understanding.  Will contact you in *PRIVATE.*

Love,
Gillian and Oli


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## Prairie Mom (Jun 22, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Hello. Hope you are well. I'd rather "talk" to you in private. Thanks so much your usual understanding. That is so sweet of you.
> 
> Love,
> Gillian and Oli


I'm only meaning that I'm worried that not all of my emails are reaching you.


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## bouaboua (Jun 22, 2016)

ascott said:


> Why not? It works well...there are days to save the world and then there are days to simply be part of it and enjoy it....let idiots spin their wheel....I was once told, "don't ever let another person in your head without paying rent" has worked well for me...but the biggest part of this is self discipline and not at all the other party....


OH.....OH....OH...I like this, hahahahahahaha...

,* "don't ever let another person in your head without paying rent" *


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## GingerLove (Jun 22, 2016)

I'm so sorry to hear this. I understand. Just want to let you know that your posts have been super helpful to me and I really appreciate the time you spent! You were kind to me as a newcomer and I always try to like whatever you post when I see your name.  God made an amazing person when he made you, I'm sorry that others have failed to see it. We will miss you!


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## Gillian M (Jun 23, 2016)

Prairie Mom said:


> I'm only meaning that I'm worried that not all of my emails are reaching you.


Hi. Just sent you an e-mail message.


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## Gillian M (Jun 23, 2016)

GingerLove said:


> I'm so sorry to hear this. I understand. Just want to let you know that your posts have been super helpful to me and I really appreciate the time you spent! You were kind to me as a newcomer and I always try to like whatever you post when I see your name.  God made an amazing person when he made you, I'm sorry that others have failed to see it. We will miss you!


Thanks so much your understanding.

Tried to send you a PM but was not able to. Very sorry.


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## Prairie Mom (Jun 23, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Hi. Just sent you an e-mail message.


got it and responded. You should have two emails from me including one with a bunch of photos that I tried to send you earlier. p.s. In a few days I'll be away for a little over a week.


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## GingerLove (Jun 23, 2016)

I think my computer blocks PM's for security reasons, sorry! We will miss you!


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## Gillian M (Jun 23, 2016)

Prairie Mom said:


> got it and responded. You should have two emails from me including one with a bunch of photos that I tried to send you earlier. p.s. In a few days I'll be away for a little over a week.


Received them and answered. Thanks a lot. Love the pics!

Will miss you. 

Love to everyone,
Gillian and Oli!


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## Gillian M (Jun 23, 2016)

GingerLove said:


> I think my computer blocks PM's for security reasons, sorry! We will miss you!


What about an e-mail address? That is, of course if you do not mind. If you do, no problem: I respect privacy, and I am a very private person.


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## GingerLove (Jun 28, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> What about an e-mail address? That is, of course if you do not mind. If you do, no problem: I respect privacy, and I am a very private person.



Hi Gillian! Sorry, I've been forbidden from giving my email address out.  I'm not sure if you are still on the forum today, I hope you are. By the way, I noticed that you often finish your posts by saying "GOD bless". I think that's a great witness!  I hope to see you commenting on threads again!


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## Gillian M (Jun 28, 2016)

GingerLove said:


> Hi Gillian! Sorry, I've been forbidden from giving my email address out.  I'm not sure if you are still on the forum today, I hope you are. By the way, I noticed that you often finish your posts by saying "GOD bless". I think that's a great witness!  I hope to see you commenting on threads again!


I am still around. Thanks a lot your post which I appreciate.


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## ColleenT (Jun 29, 2016)

i was just treated like crud by another member also. For what? i still have no clue..I think mental illness is a huge problem in this country..


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## Gillian M (Jun 29, 2016)

ColleenT said:


> i was just treated like crud by another member also. For what? i still have no clue..I think mental illness is a huge problem in this country..


Terribly sorry about that Colleen.

I'm 99.999999% that some people have psychological issues, without having to meet them, even see photos of them.


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## GingerLove (Jun 29, 2016)

I'm so sorry, Colleen!  hope I never encounter a personal attack.  My advice... kill them with kindness! It'll feel like "burning coals on their head". One of my favorite verses.


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## Gillian M (Jun 29, 2016)

GingerLove said:


> I'm so sorry, Colleen!  hope I never encounter a personal attack.  My advice... kill them with kindness! It'll feel like "burning coals on their head". One of my favorite verses.


I sincerely hope that you *NEVER* get attacked by one of the....heartless members here!


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## ZEROPILOT (Jun 29, 2016)

ColleenT said:


> i was just treated like crud by another member also. For what? i still have no clue..I think mental illness is a huge problem in this country..


I saw that.
I'm not quite sure what's going on with that member.
Hopefully it's just a fluke.


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## ColleenT (Jun 29, 2016)

GingerLove said:


> I'm so sorry, Colleen!  hope I never encounter a personal attack.  My advice... kill them with kindness! It'll feel like "burning coals on their head". One of my favorite verses.



I wish i was wired that way, but kindness never seems to work with certain people. And i admit, i am not good at being kind to those who treat me badly.


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## jaizei (Jun 29, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> I saw that.
> I'm not quite sure what's going on with that member.
> Hopefully it's just a fluke.



_tigers don't change their stripes_


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## GingerLove (Jun 29, 2016)

ColleenT said:


> I wish i was wired that way, but kindness never seems to work with certain people. And i admit, i am not good at being kind to those who treat me badly.



I understand! I didn't say I *was *kind to others, I just said that it's a good idea.  I hope you don't encounter any more rudeness!


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## ZEROPILOT (Jun 29, 2016)

jaizei said:


> _tigers don't change their stripes_


I didn't know there was a history there.


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## jaizei (Jun 29, 2016)

We should probably get off that subject. That thread was deleted, bringing it here doesn't serve any purpose.


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## Gillian M (Jun 30, 2016)

ColleenT said:


> I wish i was wired that way, but kindness never seems to work with certain people. And i admit, i am not good at being kind to those who treat me badly.


I totally agree with you: how on earth can you be kind to someone who hurts you?!

I totally ignore him/her, till the right time comes........then watch!


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## ColleenT (Jun 30, 2016)

the person who upset Gillian is not the same person who upset me. 2 different people


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## Tidgy's Dad (Jun 30, 2016)

Golly, Gillian!!!!
Missed all this but glad to see you're not leaving and are still about a bit.
As you know, i rarely come on TFO now, and that's partly because of one or two absolute members.
And people who post sweet, honeyed words on posts like this, which is so easy to do and earns them respect and likes, are sometimes making jokes at your expense in PM. 
And if one reacts negatively to this, one is accused of having no sense of humour. 
Ho, hum.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jun 30, 2016)

Unfortunately one mans humor is sometimes another persons misery.


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## Kori5 (Jun 30, 2016)

Tidgy's Dad said:


> Golly, Gillian!!!!
> Missed all this but glad to see you're not leaving and are still about a bit.
> As you know, i rarely come on TFO now, and that's partly because of one or two absolute members.
> And people who post sweet, honeyed words on posts like this, which is so easy to do and earns them respect and likes, are sometimes making jokes at your expense in PM.
> ...


I do miss your posts and Tidgy. I love caring and emotional people and reading posts from tender souls makes my day better. After all, that is the reason why I joined this forum.


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## Maggie Cummings (Jun 30, 2016)

From the other side.....I am one of those people who is straight to the point and very blunt. I'm constantly getting notices to back off, or my post is deleted. But just as you are so sensitive, I am blunt and honest. I am not liked here much, but that sure doesn't stop me from posting when I want. Surprisingly I have been hurt a lot from comments by those who think they are superior. BUT I'm not allowing anyone to chase me away. We are each our own person. DON'T allow a meanie grouchy person to chase you away, don't allow them to win. I have been misunderstood a lot. I am not mean and I would never deliberately hurt someone. But I am taken that way constantly. It was my tortoise they liked, not me.
If you are having problems with a person tell a moderator, it's their job to protect you and keep TFO running smooth.
Also if someone gives you a hard time just tell them to "fu*K off". It will make you feel a lot better. BUT don't allow a jerk (even if it's me) to chase you away.


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## Eric Phillips (Jun 30, 2016)

I've got a uncle that pisses everybody off in my family. No matter what he does he always finds a way to be a jackass. Over the years I found his antics amusing and comical. I never take anything personal because....well....he's an idiot...but he's family! This site is similar, it's a community of many really passionate herps and some who choose other agendas like my uncle! I prefer the fun loving community but the crazy family members give me a good laugh for the day at their expense. Sometimes indifference is a good thing. On a side note did Gillian leave yet?!?! Joking! This site wouldn't be the same without you Gillian glad your still posting away!!!!


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## Eric Phillips (Jun 30, 2016)

maggie3fan said:


> From the other side.....I am one of those people who is straight to the point and very blunt. I'm constantly getting notices to back off, or my post is deleted. But just as you are so sensitive, I am blunt and honest. I am not liked here much, but that sure doesn't stop me from posting when I want. Surprisingly I have been hurt a lot from comments by those who think they are superior. BUT I'm not allowing anyone to chase me away. We are each our own person. DON'T allow a meanie grouchy person to chase you away, don't allow them to win. I have been misunderstood a lot. I am not mean and I would never deliberately hurt someone. But I am taken that way constantly. It was my tortoise they liked, not me.
> If you are having problems with a person tell a moderator, it's their job to protect you and keep TFO running smooth.
> Also if someone gives you a hard time just tell them to "fu*K off". It will make you feel a lot better. BUT don't allow a jerk (even if it's me) to chase you away.



Fook Off Maggie! God I feel better now! Woohoo! In fact I'm going to drive to Columbus Ohio today and buy me an Ornate box turtle thanks to Maggie pissing me off


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## ColleenT (Jun 30, 2016)

maggie3fan said:


> From the other side.....I am one of those people who is straight to the point and very blunt. I'm constantly getting notices to back off, or my post is deleted. But just as you are so sensitive, I am blunt and honest. I am not liked here much, but that sure doesn't stop me from posting when I want. Surprisingly I have been hurt a lot from comments by those who think they are superior. BUT I'm not allowing anyone to chase me away. We are each our own person. DON'T allow a meanie grouchy person to chase you away, don't allow them to win. I have been misunderstood a lot. I am not mean and I would never deliberately hurt someone. But I am taken that way constantly. It was my tortoise they liked, not me.
> If you are having problems with a person tell a moderator, it's their job to protect you and keep TFO running smooth.
> Also if someone gives you a hard time just tell them to "fu*K off". It will make you feel a lot better. BUT don't allow a jerk (even if it's me) to chase you away.



I actually prefer someone is honest and blunt to me, but the person i dealt with thought i had said something on HIS thread that was not relevant, ( which is incorrect, my post had everything to do with what he posted) but he had my posts removed from his thread, And told me to talk only about the very subject he was speaking.. Altho, i already was..So i am guessing there is some mental illness on his part, and i will stay away from said person in the future. i am not sure if he moderates or if he has a friend who does and my posts were removed that way. i don't get it. i did nothing wrong except try to add to the conversation.


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## Tidgy's Dad (Jun 30, 2016)

Ross Iverson said:


> Looks like there's drama everywhere on the Internet, even on a forum about tortoises lol


It's all scripted.
Most of us are just failed actors.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jun 30, 2016)

It would be impossible for all of us to think, act and behave the same way.
Our members are from everywhere and sometimes we clash. For a good reason or not.
I think that it would be slightly boring if there wasn't at least a little conflict.
Maybe that's more easily said by someone who's not currently under attack........That I'm aware of.


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## Maggie Cummings (Jun 30, 2016)

Well, maybe Eric could chase me away...........


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## Yvonne G (Jun 30, 2016)

I was going to stay out of this discussion, but I feel I have to say something in defense of the person who hurt Gillian's feelings. This was a thread where experienced members were discussing tortoises. They have been keeping and breeding tortoises longer than most of us, and really know what they're talking about. Very experienced members. Gillian innocently advised them on what to do to help the tortoise. Very good advice...when given to a newbie. Not knowing Gillian or her experience level, one of them was a bit rude in his response to her post.

This happens. It's not something to take to heart. I'm sorry it happened to Gillian, but I understand her and how sensitive she is. These other people don't. Gillian, you have to just ignore things like this and try to move beyond it. Try to not let it bother you. And understand they don't know you. They're just responding to what you said. The forum would be a very sad place if all of us were alike. It's good that we have such a sensitive person as yourself here to balance us. Keep up the good work, and walk away from hurtful comments.


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## cmacusa3 (Jun 30, 2016)

As long as my turtles and torts aren't mad at me, Nothing else matters


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## Yvonne G (Jun 30, 2016)

In defense of what happened to Colleen, there's no excuse for it, and the OP was advised to play nice.


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## dmmj (Jun 30, 2016)

I follow a very simple philosophy in life two actually you can please some of the people all the time and all the people some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time. And those who matter don't mind those who mind don't matter. Life is so much easier once you realize no one's opinion of you but yours matters


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## Gillian M (Jun 30, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> Unfortunately one mans humor is sometimes another persons misery.


Or: "One dog's meat is another dog's poison."


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## Gillian M (Jun 30, 2016)

Yvonne G said:


> I was going to stay out of this discussion, but I feel I have to say something in defense of the person who hurt Gillian's feelings. This was a thread where experienced members were discussing tortoises. They have been keeping and breeding tortoises longer than most of us, and really know what they're talking about. Very experienced members. Gillian innocently advised them on what to do to help the tortoise. Very good advice...when given to a newbie. Not knowing Gillian or her experience level, one of them was a bit rude in his response to her post.
> 
> This happens. It's not something to take to heart. I'm sorry it happened to Gillian, but I understand her and how sensitive she is. These other people don't. Gillian, you have to just ignore things like this and try to move beyond it. Try to not let it bother you. And understand they don't know you. They're just responding to what you said. The forum would be a very sad place if all of us were alike. It's good that we have such a sensitive person as yourself here to balance us. Keep up the good work, and walk away from hurtful comments.


Thanks very much your understanding Yvonne. Please allow me to say that the fact that we do not know each other does *NOT* give any of us the right to be RUDE, IMPOLITE, HURTFUL, or am I mistaken? Knowing your (and here I do not mean you, Yvonne), does not give a member the green light to be NASTY either.


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## Gillian M (Jun 30, 2016)

ColleenT said:


> the person who upset Gillian is not the same person who upset me. 2 different people


True. And GOD only knows who is to get hurt next!


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## MPRC (Jun 30, 2016)

Yvonne G said:


> In defense of what happened to Colleen, there's no excuse for it, and the OP was advised to play nice.


I caught the tail end of that and was pulled into it and I have to say I was quite surprised by the amount of attitude thrown my direction as well. I'm not a sensitive person and I hope that the person in question realizes that they were being a grade A jerk to both of us.


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## Pearly (Jun 30, 2016)

Ok, so I must have been under a rock somewhere the whole time.... Completely oblivious... I must say, I must be becoming a goofball or something like that with age. I heard in one of the seminars "what others think of you is really none of your business" which I must admit I took to heart. Another one, that says: "when others look at you, they really see a reflection of their own soul, if they see you as beautiful, kind and smart, it because that how they see themselves, if in turn they see you as mean, ugly and stupid, it's because that's how they really see themselves". @Colleen and @GillianMoore, Ladies, I've seen nothing but kindness in your posts. That and love and respect for the animals. There's NOT ONE SINGLE REASON for anyone on this forum to snap at either of you. That's why I believe that "snapping" was not personal in either case and have nothing to do with you. The "snapper" was probably having a bad day, was feeling "on the edge"... Has some issues that are hard to deal with... I know it may feel like a perdonal attack when someone snaps at you but "the snapper" probably didn't even notice it. So please think nothing of it and carry on with your friendly kindness, which most of us here truly value and enjoy


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## ascott (Jun 30, 2016)

maggie3fan said:


> From the other side.....I am one of those people who is straight to the point and very blunt. I'm constantly getting notices to back off, or my post is deleted. But just as you are so sensitive, I am blunt and honest. I am not liked here much, but that sure doesn't stop me from posting when I want. Surprisingly I have been hurt a lot from comments by those who think they are superior. BUT I'm not allowing anyone to chase me away. We are each our own person. DON'T allow a meanie grouchy person to chase you away, don't allow them to win. I have been misunderstood a lot. I am not mean and I would never deliberately hurt someone. But I am taken that way constantly. It was my tortoise they liked, not me.
> If you are having problems with a person tell a moderator, it's their job to protect you and keep TFO running smooth.
> Also if someone gives you a hard time just tell them to "fu*K off". It will make you feel a lot better. BUT don't allow a jerk (even if it's me) to chase you away.




LOL....Maggie, I adore you....so let me just say, if I am ever a jerk or a bonafied Ahole (which I can totally be.. if so invited or begged to be)....please don't be shy, just say so....we can duke it out , then pat the dust off when we are done and kick the rock down the road....same applies to all other here...

On a side note with regards to this thread (Ms Maggie, I hope you do not mind?)... I will be damned to be talked down to because for some reason someone who "believes" they are advanced, experienced or superior to any other person on this forum says so...well, I likely will pick up a rock and throw it directly at that person to provoke a draw....make no mistake at the difference...you and I have never had that situation....and while I am completely in love with Bob,(I know he is not here in this world with us but I still love him)..I also adore you on your own merit and not just because I love Bob....

I too allowed a person here to take up space in my head, once. Then realized F them, told/ discussed with them what was going on and then got past it....I don't hold it against them...people are people....if someone is nice, if someone is pleasant then awesome....if someone is a jerk or a super duper stinky ahole, either way acknowledgement is due....

Lastly, Maggie, if someone has an issue with you....just tag me in, we can double team them....


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 1, 2016)

Maggie must just be surprised to know how many fans she actually has...........


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## Gillian M (Jul 1, 2016)

Pearly said:


> Ok, so I must have been under a rock somewhere the whole time.... Completely oblivious... I must say, I must be becoming a goofball or something like that with age. I heard in one of the seminars "what others think of you is really none of your business" which I must admit I took to heart. Another one, that says: "when others look at you, they really see a reflection of their own soul, if they see you as beautiful, kind and smart, it because that how they see themselves, if in turn they see you as mean, ugly and stupid, it's because that's how they really see themselves". @Colleen and @GillianMoore, Ladies, I've seen nothing but kindness in your posts. That and love and respect for the animals. There's NOT ONE SINGLE REASON for anyone on this forum to snap at either of you. That's why I believe that "snapping" was not personal in either case and have nothing to do with you. The "snapper" was probably having a bad day, was feeling "on the edge"... Has some issues that are hard to deal with... I know it may feel like a perdonal attack when someone snaps at you but "the snapper" probably didn't even notice it. So please think nothing of it and carry on with your friendly kindness, which most of us here truly value and enjoy


Thanks a lot your kind words Pearly..


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## Maggie Cummings (Jul 1, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> Maggie must just be surprised to know how many fans she actually has...........



Actually, I am.


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## Maggie Cummings (Jul 1, 2016)

ascott said:


> LOL....Maggie, I adore you....so let me just say, if I am ever a jerk or a bonafied Ahole (which I can totally be.. if so invited or begged to be)....please don't be shy, just say so....we can duke it out , then pat the dust off when we are done and kick the rock down the road....same applies to all other here...
> 
> On a side note with regards to this thread (Ms Maggie, I hope you do not mind?)... I will be damned to be talked down to because for some reason someone who "believes" they are advanced, experienced or superior to any other person on this forum says so...well, I likely will pick up a rock and throw it directly at that person to provoke a draw....make no mistake at the difference...you and I have never had that situation....and while I am completely in love with Bob,(I know he is not here in this world with us but I still love him)..I also adore you on your own merit and not just because I love Bob....
> 
> ...



I got lots of people have issues with me, where should we start????


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## MPRC (Jul 1, 2016)

If anyone is ever mean to me I think I'll just hide behind Maggie and point her at them.


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## Tom (Jul 1, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> Maggie must just be surprised to know how many fans she actually has...........



Maggie knows she is well loved here, but she likes to hear it anyway.


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## Cowboy_Ken (Jul 2, 2016)

For all that have yet to truly know, Gillian is a very warm, caring, loving person one would be proud to know and proud to have in their court, on their side in any situation. I give to her so very much of myself for the simple reason that she deserves this gratitude and well wishes. If you are holding back, LOL, sucker, so be your lose.


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## jockma (Jul 4, 2016)

I hope I'm not one of the people that said anything hurtful! I don't recall any confrontations but if I made anyone upset I'm genuinely sorry and didn't mean to.

I'm on the autism spectrum, sometimes I say things that I mean as a compliment and find out I was being rude or crass because I can't read social cues well. So, if anybody has been upset by things I've said, feel free to let me know if I said something bad, I'm unaware of myself doing this and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I would never intentionally be mean on this forum. 

I'm sorry that people have been cruel to you. The only bad experiences I've had were people being very defensive and aggressive when given advice to improve their animal husbandry and I'm thankful that I've only had good experiences otherwise.


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## Gillian M (Jul 4, 2016)

jockma said:


> I hope I'm not one of the people that said anything hurtful! I don't recall any confrontations but if I made anyone upset I'm genuinely sorry and didn't mean to.
> 
> I'm on the autism spectrum, sometimes I say things that I mean as a compliment and find out I was being rude or crass because I can't read social cues well. So, if anybody has been upset by things I've said, feel free to let me know if I said something bad, I'm unaware of myself doing this and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I would never intentionally be mean on this forum.
> 
> I'm sorry that people have been cruel to you. The only bad experiences I've had were people being very defensive and aggressive when given advice to improve their animal husbandry and I'm thankful that I've only had good experiences otherwise.


A very nice post-thank you! I only wish that the heartless members would change and think like you do!


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## jockma (Jul 4, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> A very nice post-thank you! I only wish that the heartless members would change and think like you do!


No problem! Though I think that usually when people are being cruel it is intentional and they don't care that they're hurting people. Whether they like the power trip or just like being mean, I don't know. There are always people like that.

If I ever say something mean, feel free to call me out, what probably happened is my thought process diverged at some point and I mistook my words as being kind when they're not. It happened a lot when I was a kid and it's infrequent now but I always want to make sure I'm not unknowingly hurting people.


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## MPRC (Jul 5, 2016)

jockma said:


> I hope I'm not one of the people that said anything hurtful! I don't recall any confrontations but if I made anyone upset I'm genuinely sorry and didn't mean to.
> 
> I'm on the autism spectrum, sometimes I say things that I mean as a compliment and find out I was being rude or crass because I can't read social cues well. So, if anybody has been upset by things I've said, feel free to let me know if I said something bad, I'm unaware of myself doing this and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I would never intentionally be mean on this forum.



You have always come across as polite as far as I have seen. I understand where you are coming from though, I spend a lot of time proof reading things for my boyfriend who is autistic. He has the same concerns about the tones in his writing.


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## mctlong (Jul 5, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Hello everyone. Hope you are all well.
> 
> Would like to inform you ladies and gentlemen that I might be leaving the forum soon and very soon. Although I did learn a lot, I am obliged to say that some members are very hurtful, heartless, and do not know how to help/give advise diplomatically.
> 
> Thanks to those who have been of real help.



I'm hoping you've decided to stay. You are clearly an asset to this group and it would be a shame to lose you.

I'm not sure who you're referring to as "hurtful & heartless." Some passionate tortoise enthusiasts come off as blunt or uncaring on first impressions when this is the opposite of who they really are. Its hard to convey emotion in text. My advice is to be patient with them. Sometimes just taking a little extra time to get to know them and accepting that you two may never agree on some aspects of tortoise husbandry is enough to move forward.

That said, if someone is being outright insulting or bullying you, please report it to a mod ASAP. Trolling is not acceptable. This forum should be a supportive, welcoming place.


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## Gillian M (Jul 5, 2016)

mctlong said:


> I'm hoping you've decided to stay. You are clearly an asset to this group and it would be a shame to lose you.
> 
> I'm not sure who you're referring to as "hurtful & heartless." Some passionate tortoise enthusiasts come off as blunt or uncaring on first impressions when this is the opposite of who they really are. Its hard to convey emotion in text. My advice is to be patient with them. Sometimes just taking a little extra time to get to know them and accepting that you two may never agree on some aspects of tortoise husbandry is enough to move forward.
> 
> That said, if someone is being outright insulting or bullying you, please report it to a mod ASAP. Trolling is not acceptable. This forum should be a supportive, welcoming place.


Thank you so much your post and your support. Appreciate both.

I do realize that it is not easy to convey emotion in text (as you put it) but one can tell if somebody is being rude, impolite, heartless, hurtful....you name it, instead of giving advise in a polite and diplomatic manner. Right? Please correct me if I am mistaken.


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## mctlong (Jul 5, 2016)

Well, like I said, I have no idea who you're referring to or what words were exchanged. What I do know is that you leaving does not hurt them or change their behavior. It hurts you. Dont let them chase you away. We like you here.


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## Gillian M (Jul 5, 2016)

mctlong said:


> Well, like I said, I have no idea who you're referring to or what words were exchanged. What I do know is that you leaving does not hurt them or change their behavior. It hurts you. Dont let them chase you away. We like you here.


Once again thank you!


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## amoore (Jul 5, 2016)

It sucks that you are wanting to possibly leave the forum! I'm new here I don't post much but spend so much time reading and trying to educate myself to become a great tortoise owner! Your warm welcomes and knowledge was appreciated by me when I joined! And I thank you for that and hope you stay and continue to add value and positivity to this forum! Best wishes to you!


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## Gillian M (Jul 6, 2016)

amoore said:


> It sucks that you are wanting to possibly leave the forum! I'm new here I don't post much but spend so much time reading and trying to educate myself to become a great tortoise owner! Your warm welcomes and knowledge was appreciated by me when I joined! And I thank you for that and hope you stay and continue to add value and positivity to this forum! Best wishes to you!


Hi! And thanks so much your kind words, which I really do appreciate.

Will PM you alright?


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 6, 2016)

So...You've changed your mind?
Good. because we'd miss you.


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## Gillian M (Jul 6, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> So...You've changed your mind?
> Good. because we'd miss you.


Yes I have. 

Thank you Ed. I would miss *VERY* *FEW *people here.


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## Kori5 (Jul 7, 2016)

maggie3fan said:


> From the other side.....I am one of those people who is straight to the point and very blunt. I'm constantly getting notices to back off, or my post is deleted. But just as you are so sensitive, I am blunt and honest. I am not liked here much, but that sure doesn't stop me from posting when I want. Surprisingly I have been hurt a lot from comments by those who think they are superior. BUT I'm not allowing anyone to chase me away. We are each our own person. DON'T allow a meanie grouchy person to chase you away, don't allow them to win. I have been misunderstood a lot. I am not mean and I would never deliberately hurt someone. But I am taken that way constantly. It was my tortoise they liked, not me.
> If you are having problems with a person tell a moderator, it's their job to protect you and keep TFO running smooth.
> Also if someone gives you a hard time just tell them to "fu*K off". It will make you feel a lot better. BUT don't allow a jerk (even if it's me) to chase you away.


You remind me of my grandma (just a younger version ) who I love very much. She is just as strong willed and outgoing like you. And usually says the things people think but wan't say. So I do like you a lot and your posts.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 7, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Yes I have.
> 
> Thank you Ed. I would miss *VERY* *FEW *people here.


Now YOU are the hurtful one?


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## Gillian M (Jul 7, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> Now YOU are the hurtful one?


I *CAN* be when in need.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 7, 2016)

That's my friend!


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## Maggie Cummings (Jul 8, 2016)

Just a thought, but could the "person" have been trying to be sarcastic or funny and it just wasn't your kind of funny? I don't have a dog in this fight, so I really don't know what happened.


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## Gillian M (Jul 8, 2016)

maggie3fan said:


> Just a thought, but could the "person" have been trying to be sarcastic or funny and it just wasn't your kind of funny? I don't have a dog in this fight, so I really don't know what happened.


No, unfortunately the member was *SERIOUS* . The member was *NOT* being funny *NOR* sarcastic, I can assure you. This person meant to be *HURTFUL*, *NASTY*, *CRUEL*......you name it!

I do realize that there is no *VOICE* however, I can tell you one thing: by now I have managed to tell who is mean and nasty, and who on the other hand is kind and helpful.


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## Maggie Cummings (Jul 8, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Yes I have.
> 
> Thank you Ed. I would miss *VERY* *FEW *people here.




You've complained about being hurt in some way by somebody, yet this comment you just made is pretty mean. I didn't deserve you to say that, neither did Ascott, or Yvonne or especially Zeropilot. I think I'm done sticking up for you. That was a damn mean comment for those of us who never did jack to you. I'm done. I won't miss you at all.....
think about what you just said to many people who have never said a mean word to you....Shame on you!


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## GingerLove (Jul 8, 2016)

I'm sorry you were offended Maggie3fan... I think it best we finish this thread before anyone else gets hurt.


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