# Trouble getting over tortoises death



## Seejai (Apr 12, 2017)

Last week my 5 year old sulcata tortoise passed away. It seemed to happen very fast, but looking back there may have been some signs she wasn't well, and I was too busy/distracted by other things (quitting a job I've been at for 3 years, trying to finish my thesis in a couple weeks) to have the attention I normally do. 
She was supposed to live much longer and I'm so heartbroken. I feel guilty and sick, am having panic attacks I haven't had for years, and can't sleep or even go into the room she was in. I made a donation to a turtle charity and hoped I'd feel better but nothing.
Most people don't understand having such grief over a reptile. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure I want to get another any time soon and I'm not feeling any better.
I guess I just wanted to express this to other people who like tortoises.. 

I've lost cats and dogs, but it was different for some reason..


----------



## leigti (Apr 12, 2017)

People here understand. I have lost a tortoise, it is devastating. And I understand the second guessing, guilt, wondering what happened etc. don't give up on tortoises. When you are ready, get another one if you want to.


----------



## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Apr 12, 2017)




----------



## KrissyLeigh (Apr 16, 2017)

I'm so sorry to hear that! We definitely understand.

I lost Herman, my painted turtle, in January - in 10 years of owning pets, it was my first pet death and very upsetting. Especially since it was completely unexpected. In fact, it was so upsetting I decided to rehome my other turtle because she made me so sad - I know that sounds irresponsible and harsh, but I was very selective about the new home and she is happily living in a science teachers classroom with tons of space and adoring students, and the understanding that she can come back to me if it doesn't work out at any point in the future.

Do you have other animals? I do, and after Herman's death and rehoming Van Gogh I threw myself into enclosure improvements and spoiling my rats, torts, and lizards. It helped a lot, even though I still grieve for him - maybe you could get a different pet, or go into obsessive overdrive reworking enclosures for the pets you already have, which is what I did. I'm not trying to minimize your grief at all, just sharing what helped me cope. so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Stuart S. (Apr 16, 2017)

I'm so sorry for your loss. There's nothing wrong with being upset and not getting over it right away, it will take a little time and just maybe when you're ready a new baby will come along that you fall in love with! One day at a time


----------



## RosemaryDW (Apr 16, 2017)

I am so sorry for your loss.

Of course you are sad; she was part of your life for a very long time.  

However long you are sad for is the right length of time for you, take as long as you need.


----------



## Yvonne G (Apr 16, 2017)

Aw geez. I'm very sorry your tortoise died. It takes time to start feeling better. You will never forget him, but the pain becomes more manageable with time.


----------



## TammyJ (Apr 21, 2017)

I am sorry this happened to your tortoise. I am sure every one of us here has loved and lost one or more beloved pets - I certainly have.
The fact that you feel so badly about it is proof that you are a caring and loving owner.


----------



## JoesMum (Apr 21, 2017)

Five weeks ago we had to have Joe put to sleep due to a tumour after 47 years with the family. 

Devastating doesn't even start to describe it. We had always kind of assumed Joe would probably outlive us and become our kids' problem (they're aged 23 and 21)

Even after 5 years, I can imagine the loss is hard to come to terms with for much the same reason. 

It's not easy. Much like the death of a close relation or friend, and we lost our next door neighbour of 20 years the week before, you have to give yourself the time and space to grieve. 

There's no shame in grief and it has a habit of creeping up on you when you least expect it. 

We got some closure after burying Joe's ashes in the garden where he always lived. They're out there under his favourite shrubs. I'm going to plant some sedum spectibile as I never quite forgave him for eating some prized plants to the ground that I hadn't protected adequately. The family grinned through their tears when I suggested it. 

Please accept my biggest electronic hugs and know that we all understand. Time is the healer you need.


----------



## Alicia Hoogstra (Apr 21, 2017)

Awe....I can imagine your sorrow. I have a Black Lab who is 13! and I know when she goes.....yikes! Let alone my two babies. I have experienced great loss in my life, and just a week ago lost my little brother to Cancer (38yrs old). So please don't let anyone put a time limit on your grief...love is love, and we all grieve differently, and so be patient with your self and allow yourself to grieve. You'll start to find small amounts of joy eventually! I'll keep you in my prayers.


----------



## eric joranson (Apr 21, 2017)

Take a lesson from the old Disney movie "Old Yeller".....time to give that love you have to another tortoise who needs it; maybe adopt one. Soon you will be so busy; your grief will begin to fade, Take the emptiness left by their absence and fill it will all the wonderful memories you made together. Take all the time you need.


----------



## sarac (Aug 5, 2018)

Hi, my situation is similar and I needen to 'talk' to people who understand. I've had my Torty for 35 years and he died recently. I had been looking after my son's tortoise since March as she was ill (his tenants had been looking after). Torty had never given me cause for worry in all his 35 years, king of my city terrace. I nursed the other tortoise back to good health, having put up a barrier as I know Torty was territorial. Even so recently I had caught them knocking against each other, one or other of them having managed to cross the barrier. The other tortoise is now strong and healthy and was moving back home tomorrow. When I came home last week my Torty was upside down in the boiling sun and quite obviously dead. I feel dreadful as I knew the barrier could be crossed but didn't really take it seriously. I feel real animosity towards the other tortoise now and look forward to seeing her gone tomorrow. I really feel I've lost a friend. So many people laugh when I say my Torty has character and say it's not the same as a dog or cat. Consequently I can't explain to anyone how I feel now. Every time I close my eyes I see him upside down and wonder how long he was struggling for. It's going to be very hard not to expect him at the terrace door, demanding to share my peach with him. Thanks for listening.


----------



## Yvonne G (Aug 5, 2018)

sarac said:


> Hi, my situation is similar and I needen to 'talk' to people who understand. I've had my Torty for 35 years and he died recently. I had been looking after my son's tortoise since March as she was ill (his tenants had been looking after). Torty had never given me cause for worry in all his 35 years, king of my city terrace. I nursed the other tortoise back to good health, having put up a barrier as I know Torty was territorial. Even so recently I had caught them knocking against each other, one or other of them having managed to cross the barrier. The other tortoise is now strong and healthy and was moving back home tomorrow. When I came home last week my Torty was upside down in the boiling sun and quite obviously dead. I feel dreadful as I knew the barrier could be crossed but didn't really take it seriously. I feel real animosity towards the other tortoise now and look forward to seeing her gone tomorrow. I really feel I've lost a friend. So many people laugh when I say my Torty has character and say it's not the same as a dog or cat. Consequently I can't explain to anyone how I feel now. Every time I close my eyes I see him upside down and wonder how long he was struggling for. It's going to be very hard not to expect him at the terrace door, demanding to share my peach with him. Thanks for listening.


That's really too bad. I'm so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## vladimir (Aug 5, 2018)

sarac said:


> Hi, my situation is similar and I needen to 'talk' to people who understand. I've had my Torty for 35 years and he died recently. I had been looking after my son's tortoise since March as she was ill (his tenants had been looking after). Torty had never given me cause for worry in all his 35 years, king of my city terrace. I nursed the other tortoise back to good health, having put up a barrier as I know Torty was territorial. Even so recently I had caught them knocking against each other, one or other of them having managed to cross the barrier. The other tortoise is now strong and healthy and was moving back home tomorrow. When I came home last week my Torty was upside down in the boiling sun and quite obviously dead. I feel dreadful as I knew the barrier could be crossed but didn't really take it seriously. I feel real animosity towards the other tortoise now and look forward to seeing her gone tomorrow. I really feel I've lost a friend. So many people laugh when I say my Torty has character and say it's not the same as a dog or cat. Consequently I can't explain to anyone how I feel now. Every time I close my eyes I see him upside down and wonder how long he was struggling for. It's going to be very hard not to expect him at the terrace door, demanding to share my peach with him. Thanks for listening.


Oh my, I'm so so very sorry you had to experience that. I can't imagine how you feel but you have my sympathies. I'm so sorry [emoji22]


----------



## Bee62 (Aug 5, 2018)

vladimir said:


> Oh my, I'm so so very sorry you had to experience that. I can't imagine how you feel but you have my sympathies. I'm so sorry [emoji22]


Ooops, this thread is from April 2017 ...... Some times ago I think ......


----------



## Big Charlie (Aug 5, 2018)

sarac said:


> Hi, my situation is similar and I needen to 'talk' to people who understand. I've had my Torty for 35 years and he died recently. I had been looking after my son's tortoise since March as she was ill (his tenants had been looking after). Torty had never given me cause for worry in all his 35 years, king of my city terrace. I nursed the other tortoise back to good health, having put up a barrier as I know Torty was territorial. Even so recently I had caught them knocking against each other, one or other of them having managed to cross the barrier. The other tortoise is now strong and healthy and was moving back home tomorrow. When I came home last week my Torty was upside down in the boiling sun and quite obviously dead. I feel dreadful as I knew the barrier could be crossed but didn't really take it seriously. I feel real animosity towards the other tortoise now and look forward to seeing her gone tomorrow. I really feel I've lost a friend. So many people laugh when I say my Torty has character and say it's not the same as a dog or cat. Consequently I can't explain to anyone how I feel now. Every time I close my eyes I see him upside down and wonder how long he was struggling for. It's going to be very hard not to expect him at the terrace door, demanding to share my peach with him. Thanks for listening.


I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.


----------



## Big Charlie (Aug 5, 2018)

Bee62 said:


> Ooops, this thread is from April 2017 ...... Some times ago I think ......


Yes, but a new member piggybacked onto this thread to post about his recent loss.


----------



## Jh13740 (Apr 9, 2019)

Seejai said:


> Last week my 5 year old sulcata tortoise passed away. It seemed to happen very fast, but looking back there may have been some signs she wasn't well, and I was too busy/distracted by other things (quitting a job I've been at for 3 years, trying to finish my thesis in a couple weeks) to have the attention I normally do.
> She was supposed to live much longer and I'm so heartbroken. I feel guilty and sick, am having panic attacks I haven't had for years, and can't sleep or even go into the room she was in. I made a donation to a turtle charity and hoped I'd feel better but nothing.
> Most people don't understand having such grief over a reptile. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure I want to get another any time soon and I'm not feeling any better.
> I guess I just wanted to express this to
> ...


----------

