# Does anyone have anger issues/prone to violence?



## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 26, 2018)

Hello all.

I don't really have anyone to dicuss this with back at home, or friends or anyone at school.

I struggle with controlling my anger. Well, I can control it pretty well, but there are definitely moments where I want to fight people for the stupidest of reasons and arguments. I usually bait people and pressure them to get physical first. I know its wrong but I'm really trying to better msyelf as a person.

The best way I could describe my anger is literally any Mike Tyson pre/post fight interview. I mostly channel my anger through hobbies, like :bodybuilding, weightlifing, my education, as well as caring for my tortoises. I'd say I have had the best improvement very recently, when I bought Steve and George. After buying them from my neighbor, they gave me a new way to calm down and center myself. They have also made me take better care of my two CDTs. I had previously given them a well suited habitat, but neglected them in terms of feeding, water, and overall diet. No longer. I am devoting my life to caring for my tortoises. They are the #1 thing in my life. Whatever job i get, i'll be happy with. I live a very modest life, grown up with very little, and I believe that is another reason I am so angry and filled with hatred all the time. Watching George and Steve walk around with their little legs, eating leaves, and looking forward to their growth picking back up and getting to where they should be, as well as seeing my CDTs noticeably "happier", all that has made this past week and half great.

I know 100% that returning to school, starting senior year of high school will ruin all of this. I will be back to my angry old self and I hate it. Last semester I really bombed all my AP classes. I once believed I could one day be the POTUS for crying out loud. Then my grades, stress level, anger level, poopoo SAT score, poopoo AP exam scores, and a bunch of other things really obliterated my dream. I plan on taking easy classes this year, take a gap year and go off to community college (if at all). Either I find some job or a few, do that and wait until I'm 21 so I could be a crime scene cleaner (dream job), or my parents said I can still live at home until I am 21 so I could get that job, my dream job, as my first job. (I am hispanic, and hispanic families, moms especially, want their kids to stay at home for as long as possible).

I know all of this sounds pathetic and really bad, coming from a once bright eyed top 10 student. I just want to live easy, doing a job I love, and taking care of my torts. I believe my torts will especially help with my anger issues.

Could a tortoise be a service animal? Maybe when Steve and George are massive and will follow me around I'll take them to parks so I can walk peacefully; them with super deluxe tortoise service animal vests. That would be a sight to see wouldn't it?


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## ascott (Jul 26, 2018)

NewTortEnthusiast said:


> Hello all.
> 
> I don't really have anyone to dicuss this with back at home, or friends or anyone at school.
> 
> ...



Well the first thing I would say is, the things you shared here are not that out of line. What I mean is that from your post you are not over 21, right? You are a young person who is trying to make their way in this world.? First off, don't be so tough on yourself, the thing I notice in the world now is that folks somehow think that they have to have some grand plan, some grand scheme to validate their life...when in all real life...we all walk through this world wanting to be a benefit, wanting to do well to others as well as our selfs...and all I can say is, don't be so damn hard on yourself....don't think that you are destined to save the world...you are one person, one soul...who says you have to have the answers? Just take a moment and realize you are just one person, one soul and why the hell do you have to live so much in your head? There is no one in this world that can save it all alone..perhaps there is no world nor person that needs being saved anyway....why is it that one person should think that they are so responsible? I mean, you have been here for such a short time, you have such a life still to experience.....and being a hispanic young male does not mean you have some ideal to live up to ....we are all born, we all grow up within our own life experiences and no two people ever walk down the same path...you are a human first and then any race or sex follows behind that...my suggestion to you is to ease up on yourself and just realize that you were meant to make your own path....and anger is usually a symptom of not knowing all the answers that this world makes you think you should know...relax man....take a breath and realize you, nor any one person is responsible for anyone else...but we all, collectively create "the big picture" and so why in the hell would you think that you have a problem when you get frustrated and angry and not knowing the answer to knowing some bs questions put on you? 

The best advice I could and would give a young person making their way in this world is...take a breath. Understand that you are just part of the overall show...that you are not the show unto itself....so why would you think you should be not angry, should not be confused, should not be sad, should not be happy....we are a species filled with feelings.....feelings are ok but what you do in reaction to a feeling is what will create you as a person. I bet you are normal, young male coming into himself. Do not listen to what the politically correct group tries to make you think....it is alright to be happy, it is alright to be sad, it is alright to be angry, it is alright to be confused..it is alright to be strong, it is alright to have moments when you feel weak....and as you age you will understand that those things never go away...we just learn coping skills to work through each feeling....do not be hard on yourself my friend. Understand that none of us have the answers...that each of us travel our own path...and I personally have found that my path crosses over others in the exact moment that we each need one another to go on. Never discount anyone nor any event....we all matter. Take a breath...sit and watch your torts...sit and watch people in how they deal or don't deal with life..and from those life experiences we all form who we are...and thankfully, we are never done...as long as we all have life, we are all learning and life experiences can change what we believe in today from what we believe in tomorrow and we all can and do encounter folks through out life and realize we may have been simply a moment in each of our life journey....it is alright to feel like you do....it is alright man...take pleasure in the day...take pleasure in the things in life that make you smile....embrace the things that make you "feel" sad and empathy towards your fellow man...those are the things I have found are the greatest moments of truth and teaching....the opportunity to share with another that they are ok....you are ok.


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 26, 2018)

Thank you, ascott. What you said really meant something to me. If I had this conversation with my parents, they would yell and hit me. If I told the counselor at school all this, they would make me take anger management courses or therapy and would end up making me more angry. I like how you didn't inform me of seeking any kind of help, and to just find peace within myself and with who I am and with what I have. You put a lot of thought into that big wall of text. That means a lot to me.


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## harris (Jul 26, 2018)

Only when a GEICO commercial comes on.


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## wellington (Jul 26, 2018)

Wow, I think ascott probably said it best. All I can probably add is this. Walk away. Instead of confronting someone that makes you mad, realize they might have their own problems they are dealing with and their way may be to try and anger others. They too need to work on their problems and you don't need to be a part of it, so walk away. Find your happy place within your head and go there when you need calming down. Doesn't matter where you are, you can go to that happy place in your head. Tune out the problems going around you at those angry times and go to that happy place. If you work hard at it, you will catch yourself smiling because your in your happy place. 
Tortoises are a great happy place. They are slow, calm and in no hurry to rush their lives. Don't rush your life. Enjoy being a kid and when the time comes put your best foot forward, one at a time and with a calm head and mind set and you will get what you want figured out. You won't get it figured out without a bunch of mistakes if you do anything with a mind that is spinning in anger. However, mistakes made with a calm mind are fewer and much more easily fixed, but very normal too. 
Just want too throw this out there. There is no shame in getting professional help if at any point in your life you think it's needed. 
I wish you luck, enjoy your tortoises, they need you. Like you did here, you have friends on this forum that will listen and help any way possible.


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## Toddrickfl1 (Jul 26, 2018)

I'm the exact opposite, I avoid confrontation at all costs. Have you ever tried meditation?


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## Toddrickfl1 (Jul 26, 2018)

ascott said:


> Well the first thing I would say is, the things you shared here are not that out of line. What I mean is that from your post you are not over 21, right? You are a young person who is trying to make their way in this world.? First off, don't be so tough on yourself, the thing I notice in the world now is that folks somehow think that they have to have some grand plan, some grand scheme to validate their life...when in all real life...we all walk through this world wanting to be a benefit, wanting to do well to others as well as our selfs...and all I can say is, don't be so damn hard on yourself....don't think that you are destined to save the world...you are one person, one soul...who says you have to have the answers? Just take a moment and realize you are just one person, one soul and why the hell do you have to live so much in your head? There is no one in this world that can save it all alone..perhaps there is no world nor person that needs being saved anyway....why is it that one person should think that they are so responsible? I mean, you have been here for such a short time, you have such a life still to experience.....and being a hispanic young male does not mean you have some ideal to live up to ....we are all born, we all grow up within our own life experiences and no two people ever walk down the same path...you are a human first and then any race or sex follows behind that...my suggestion to you is to ease up on yourself and just realize that you were meant to make your own path....and anger is usually a symptom of not knowing all the answers that this world makes you think you should know...relax man....take a breath and realize you, nor any one person is responsible for anyone else...but we all, collectively create "the big picture" and so why in the hell would you think that you have a problem when you get frustrated and angry and not knowing the answer to knowing some bs questions put on you?
> 
> The best advice I could and would give a young person making their way in this world is...take a breath. Understand that you are just part of the overall show...that you are not the show unto itself....so why would you think you should be not angry, should not be confused, should not be sad, should not be happy....we are a species filled with feelings.....feelings are ok but what you do in reaction to a feeling is what will create you as a person. I bet you are normal, young male coming into himself. Do not listen to what the politically correct group tries to make you think....it is alright to be happy, it is alright to be sad, it is alright to be angry, it is alright to be confused..it is alright to be strong, it is alright to have moments when you feel weak....and as you age you will understand that those things never go away...we just learn coping skills to work through each feeling....do not be hard on yourself my friend. Understand that none of us have the answers...that each of us travel our own path...and I personally have found that my path crosses over others in the exact moment that we each need one another to go on. Never discount anyone nor any event....we all matter. Take a breath...sit and watch your torts...sit and watch people in how they deal or don't deal with life..and from those life experiences we all form who we are...and thankfully, we are never done...as long as we all have life, we are all learning and life experiences can change what we believe in today from what we believe in tomorrow and we all can and do encounter folks through out life and realize we may have been simply a moment in each of our life journey....it is alright to feel like you do....it is alright man...take pleasure in the day...take pleasure in the things in life that make you smile....embrace the things that make you "feel" sad and empathy towards your fellow man...those are the things I have found are the greatest moments of truth and teaching....the opportunity to share with another that they are ok....you are ok.


Very well put.


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## Yvonne G (Jul 26, 2018)

I love that you've found the animals to help center yourself.


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## daniellenc (Jul 26, 2018)

My daughter and son are your age and let me validate being a teen today is so much more complicated than it was when I was growing up. This entire generation was raised to feel "love" and "acceptance" via social media likes and comments. If you live in the big house with BMW driving parents, North Face and Under Armor Gear, and the newest Iphone your existence is totally validated among your peers. Despite materials having very little actual value perception is reality right or wrong. Compounding the issue my guess is due to your cultural background and the hardships your parents have endured they are hard on you! They expect you to be better than them, work harder, be smarter, find your path sooner, and succeed because you're probably the reason they are hear in the first place. I grew up with immigrant parents.....I get it. I remember being your age and screaming at my Grandmother no one asked her to jump on an effing boat so I could be great!! Like what the hell is that? Because I was raised in the US with more options attainable I need to now become a rocket scientist? Where was their PHD? The pressure and expectations were frustrating then, but now schools apply this same pressure to remain competitive and receive additional funding (it's not because you're the future I can assure you). It's because States allocate funding to the highest scoring schools on those BS standardized tests you take for hours a day. So if they want new books, computers, higher salaries, renovations, or grants to offer certain courses they need you to shine! Kinda messed up huh? That's why inner city schools in low income areas remain underfunded which leads to under educated adults born into poverty and pretty much doomed to stay there. And this is where your parents expectations of you make sense. They understand poverty. They understand the system and it's design. We don't live in a world where "average" or "ordinary" can get by. So I understand your anger, but cut them some slack they're hard because they are afraid for you, love you, and want you to have an "easier" life than they did.

If I were you (and I was) step outside of your own feelings before you strive to do the opposite of whats in your best interest (I sure did). Go to community college, take whatever is interesting, don't pick a major yet, relax and grow up a little before making these huge decisions - there is no hurry I promise. I got my Masters when I was 27 because I thought I could do it my way and still create the life I wanted - I was WRONG!!! I was raising two kids with no college degree and a crappy secretary job making $30,000 a year. I had no insurance, no money, my husband was in the same boat and we survived barely. I watched my friends and colleagues travel, eat at new restaurants, take their kids all over the world, buy homes, be able to afford outings etc. I wasn't jealous per say but sad as had I chose to suck it up and go the college route we'd be in a better place with stability. So at 24 I went back and played the new game of get yourself in debt to flash a piece of paper and be paid more aka earning a degree. Yes this is reality and yes it made me angry. My first few working years had me even poorer than I was before I finished. Now I was $50,000 in debt only making $12,000 a year more in my new job and felt duped. But a few years in the workforce putting in overtime and working extra hard paid off. I have quadrupled my salary as has my husband, bought a home, travel, have no debt, and have the financially stable life my parents worked for. Best off my kids watched my struggle through college and saw how it changed our lives so I don't have to pressure them the way I was.

Just some perspective on your anger. It's right, but not beneficial in the end.


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 26, 2018)

Toddrickfl1 said:


> I'm the exact opposite, I avoid confrontation at all costs. Have you ever tried meditation?



I feel like getting medication for my kind of problem would be just running away from it, not really helping me with my problem.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 26, 2018)

I had a bit of that myself at your age.
I was into physical things. Football and getting into fights.
Some young men have a rough time becoming men. Its confusing and difficult trying to find your place in the world. Even small conflicts can become giant issues. And looking for conflict becomes common.
For me, it was finding a very calm, sweet girlfriend and age that chilled me out.
Try consciously to control yourself. Don't start trouble and try to let stuff go. Since you are aware of how you might get, try to stop it before it starts. Young men are are jostling for their place of dominance it seemed to me. "Respect" and other ridiculous words come to mind.....
I know it's hard to right now. But when you're older...Letting stuff go is a part of life. And things worth fighting over are pretty rare.
Please keep in mind that if you seriously harm anyone or get yourself into real trouble at your young age, that it can completely ruin your future. And you will forever be sorry. Especially since you will no longer be so angry later on. But still suffer from your bad decisions.
This forum is a great place/way for us to talk about our troubles sometimes because it is almost anonymous and almost no one judges us.
These issues have no link to intelligence. So no. I don't think you're stupid. My own I.Q. was tested at a relatively high 151. It was tested when I started fighting more and getting horrible grades in school...
Have you spoken to anyone that you trust about your issues?
Maybe a school counselor would be a start.
Medication might help you during this period of your life.
Stay busy with things that you like. Spend time with those that you love and view school simply as the part of the day that you don't like much. You're almost done.
Best of luck to you.


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## Tom (Jul 26, 2018)

I was an angry young man growing up too. Life tried to serve me a steaming sh*t sandwich and I wasn't having it. Its a wonder I survived the teen years and early 20s.

Two things got me through those years:

I learned to control my anger and harness it. It was always boiling just below the surface, but I kept it contained until I wanted to unleash it. You can control your anger, or your anger can control you. Your choice. I chose to use my anger. To this day it is my primary motivation tool. I use it to push myself through difficult situations and get sh*t done. Like any powerful tool, it can get out of hand. Learn to use it for good purposes. This may sound strange to some people, but I'll bet you get exactly what I mean.
Hobbies. I had lots and lots of hobbies. I was on the go doing something, planning something, always thinking ahead and preoccupied with many different hobbies all at the same time. SCUBA diving, shooting, skate boarding, paintball, motocross, karate, aquariums, snakes, lizards, tortoises, tarantulas, roaches, protection dog training, street bikes, and I always had my music. Different music to suit different moods. I also had a girlfriend from about the age of 15. Right or wrong, girls occupied my mind and kept my thoughts away from the things that made me angry.
I hope something in this helps you find a coping mechanism. Its not abnormal for young men to be angry about stuff. Trying to extinguish the anger, or not be angry, is futile in my experience. Controlling your anger and using it to your advantage makes much more sense to me.


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## Romeo Serback (Jul 26, 2018)

Choose better friends. Sometimes they're the source of your problem.


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 26, 2018)

ZEROPILOT said:


> I had a bit of that myself at your age.
> I was into physical things. Football and getting into fights.
> 
> Have you spoken to anyone that you trust about your issues?
> ...



I can't seek help from counselors anymore. I've had a long history of almost getting into fights. I have explained my emotional problems before. I'm not one to get sad or feel depressed or lonely or any negative feelings like that. I only feel happiness, then it diverges into either: anger, hate, or frustration. I know who I am, I am well aware of my problems (only after the fact that I may have acted upon these problems, still need to work on avoiding them). If I were to open up to counselors that I literally only experience happiness or some form of anger, not including sadness or any other feelings, that would definitely raise concern. Its like... in places where any normal person would be sad, I'm angry.

Seeking help this late in high school will draw attention to myself by faculty. I don't want that.


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## Romeo Serback (Jul 26, 2018)

My son, now in 8th grade has the same problem and we controlled it with a little medication and he's not to see certain bad influencing friends.


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 26, 2018)

Romeo Serback said:


> My son, now in 8th grade has the same problem and we controlled it with a little medication and he's not to see certain bad influencing friends.



I was once an amazing student, before I reached higher levels of learning that my brain could not keep up with.
Throughout all of elementary school, middle school, and up until now in high school I was in the hardest classes I could take. There were other kids like me in those classes, students who went to school to learn and to surpass the rest. Like, the type of students that will be doctors and all that. I never had any "negative" or "bad influencing" friends, because I never had any moments of contact or interaction with them. With that said, my problems stem from within, not from peer pressure or their infuence.


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## Diamond (Jul 26, 2018)

You have mentioned here that you can't talk to your parents because they will yell or hit you. My guess is that has contributed to your anger. Children learn what they live. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming them, I'm sure they are doing their best. Children don't come with instructions on how to raise them. Everyone has issues in their life even if they have the perfect living conditions. The fact that you recognize that you have anger issues is a big part of changing it. Like Tom said, you can either change it not. If you feel you can't talk to the counselor at school then pick up some books and see if they are helpful in giving you the tools to help control the anger. You sound like an intelligent young man. The last thing you need is to go to far with your anger and end up hurting someone. I'm not a psychiatrist, but work in the medical field and see people everyday being hurt by someone taking out their anger on someone. If the counselors at school are offering anger management classes, take them up on it. You are only short changing yourself by not educating yourself on how to manage the anger. Once you have those tools it could be the change you need and will help you achieve your dreams.

As far as a career goes, a college degree is not the only way to go. I have one and my husband has one and it has served us well. Our daughter has one and she has not been as fortunate. There is a big need for the trades like plumbers and electricians as a few examples. 
Don't know if you have ever heard of Mike Rowe, he used do have a tv show called dirty jobs, he offers scholarships to people interested in taking up a trade. You have plenty of time to figure out a career. Take things a day at a time. Get your anger under control and that will clear your mind to concentrate on your future, which can be great, but you have to do the work.


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 26, 2018)

Diamond said:


> You have mentioned here that you can't talk to your parents because they will yell or hit you. My guess is that has contributed to your anger. Children learn what they live. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming them, I'm sure they are doing their best. Children don't come with instructions on how to raise them. Everyone has issues in their life even if they have the perfect living conditions. The fact that you recognize that you have anger issues is a big part of changing it. Like Tom said, you can either change it not. If you feel you can't talk to the counselor at school then pick up some books and see if they are helpful in giving you the tools to help control the anger. You sound like an intelligent young man. The last thing you need is to go to far with your anger and end up hurting someone. I'm not a psychiatrist, but work in the medical field and see people everyday being hurt by someone taking out their anger on someone. If the counselors at school are offering anger management classes, take them up on it. You are only short changing yourself by not educating yourself on how to manage the anger. Once you have those tools it could be the change you need and will help you achieve your dreams.
> 
> As far as a career goes, a college degree is not the only way to go. I have one and my husband has one and it has served us well. Our daughter has one and she has not been as fortunate. There is a big need for the trades like plumbers and electricians as a few examples.
> Don't know if you have ever heard of Mike Rowe, he used do have a tv show called dirty jobs, he offers scholarships to people interested in taking up a trade. You have plenty of time to figure out a career. Take things a day at a time. Get your anger under control and that will clear your mind to concentrate on your future, which can be great, but you have to do the work.



My parents yelling and hitting me stems from our hispanic background. My father wouldn't really care about it and say a few words and that would be it. My mother on the other hand would refuse to leave my room until I give her the perfect answer to her questions that don't exist. It will put her in a bad mood. I'm not saying all hispanic parents are this way, just we do things differently than a white family or a black family or any other kinds of families; not the most understanding and wanting to help, more like "why do you feel this way? what's wrong with you? Tell me what's wrong right now" and continues to ask the same questions over and over again getting more angry, never excepting the answer you give them. Then after maybe 2 hours its all over and we forget about it.

My parents would also dislike the fact they would have to take me to anger management courses. An extra thing that they would agree I don't need, just based on the hassle of driving over there or having to pick me up later.

And I love Dirty Jobs. And I don't know if I could get a scholarship from Mike Rowe if I'm wanting to be a crime scene cleaner. I wouldn't be old enough until roughly the middle of college (have to be 21 to be a crime scene cleaner), that's a long time to wait for my job opportunity. Plus to be a crime scene cleaner all you need is a high school diploma or equivalent.


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## Diamond (Jul 26, 2018)

Try looking for some books on anger management. There may even be some online classes you could take. I know my daughter has found help online for her OCD when she was needing it. 

I come from an Italian back round, close family, but don't discuss any family issues. lol. It is interesting how cultures can differ so much. The thing we all have in common is all we ever really want is for our kids to be happy. The saying, "a parent is only as happy as their saddest child is so true." I'm sure your parents love you and want what's best for you. We parents get frustrated when we feel helpless when our kids are struggling. 

I think you can do well at whatever job you want to. I'm not sure if Mike Rowe offers scholarships for crime scene cleaners, but never hurts to find out.


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 26, 2018)

Thank you all for your loving support and words of wisdom. I see that members here on TortoiseForum are truly amazing people. I wish other communites were like this. This place almost feels "untainted" and "pure" when it comes to internet standards.


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## orv (Jul 27, 2018)

The appropriate answers are different for each of us. Our life experiences lead us down very different paths. The thing to realize is that each of us is responsible for our own destinies. I came of age in the mid 1960's . . . my world probably seems irrevelant to your current life choices, but although nearly six decades separates us, our life choices remain much the same. I grew up as the oldest of five boys to an angry, alcoholic father. I wanted nothing more than to get out of my parent's home. Sound familiar? For me, I found that joining the military was the appropriate answer. I was a Corpsman, stationed with the 3rd Marine Division in Vietnam. I learned self discipline quickly , and through this I became a man. My brothers in arms became more important than my self. We lived for one another while living through some very tough times. The military can offer the tools and education to help you mature and be successful. Today I have two sons who are career military officers, one a major and the other a colonel. They are the progeny of a mean, old non-com father; we love one another dearly. They are fathers themselves today. There are many paths to success, and they require planning and focus. Put your head down, your anger in a pocket and get out there and build success. I see you as the type of guy who can do it!


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 27, 2018)

orv said:


> The appropriate answers are different for each of us. Our life experiences lead us down very different paths. The thing to realize is that each of us is responsible for our own destinies. I came of age in the mid 1960's . . . my world probably seems irrevelant to your current life choices, but although nearly six decades separates us, our life choices remain much the same. I grew up as the oldest of five boys to an angry, alcoholic father. I wanted nothing more than to get out of my parent's home. Sound familiar? For me, I found that joining the military was the appropriate answer. I was a Corpsman, stationed with the 3rd Marine Division in Vietnam. I learned self discipline quickly , and through this I became a man. My brothers in arms became more important than my self. We lived for one another while living through some very tough times. The military can offer the tools and education to help you mature and be successful. Today I have two sons who are career military officers, one a major and the other a colonel. They are the progeny of a mean, old non-com father; we love one another dearly. They are fathers themselves today. There are many paths to success, and they require planning and focus. Put your head down, your anger in a pocket and get out there and build success. I see you as the type of guy who can do it!



Thank you orv, again you have given me thoughtful words. I can't stop saying thank you. I didn't expect everyone to offer their own options and advise to my problems. I expected other people to glance at this thread, maybe share their problems. But this has become more than that. This, all of this has helped me dearly.

I thank each and every one of you with all my heart. I wish I could meet some of you, or people like you. I personally live in an OK neighborhood, but to find people like everyone here on TortoiseForum, I would have to venture far.


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## LaLaP (Jul 27, 2018)

I agree! Everyone on this forum is so kind and loving! It's very inspiring! 

I thought I'd add my 2 cents... I was a very angry young adult and I felt like anger and apathy was all I could feel and they fed on each other and I was stuck in an endless loop. One of the things that was so hard was trying to figure out how I was going to have a normal future when I felt so messed up. Well... if I could go back and tell myself one thing I would say : Don't stress so much about how your current problems will affect your future because it will change. It WILL change! Just when I started to learn to live in my anger/apathy loop it was gone. Replaced by a new emotional hurtle that seemed to be my new mode for the future... then THAT changed. And eventually things just naturally got easier. 
Sounds like you've found some healthy ways to calm yourself and focus your energy. I think that would have been helpful to me. I eventually got really into rock climbing and I channeled all that crazy energy into climbing but I wish I'd found it sooner... it would have helped. I guess I recommend trying new things to find something you love too. I think I would have liked something like kick boxing to get out all my anger... I felt some violence boiling down inside of me and it would have been great to kick it and punch it out. I used to go to the recycling center and smash the glass!! It felt so good!! Haha!! Find a good, fun outlet for your rage!


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## Toddrickfl1 (Jul 27, 2018)

NewTortEnthusiast said:


> I feel like getting medication for my kind of problem would be just running away from it, not really helping me with my problem.


Not medication, meditation.


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## Turningstar (Jul 27, 2018)

I applaud you for posting this. It shows that you recognize something about yourself that you would like to change, and thats the first step to making those changes. 
First, as some others have said, its very normal to feel this way as a young man growing up. Its neither right nor wrong. I cant imagine coming of age today in the age of social media. As a somewhat well adjusted adult, I couldnt even handle it. I had to stop using facebook. Society has changed dramatically, and I cant imagine how challenging that must be for young people. 
All I can say is, be happy with yourself. Dont let others make you feel inferior without your permission. If your dream job is to be a crime scene cleaner, then focus your mind and energy into getting there, so that when youre 21, you can start your carreer with a bang. Enjoy your youth, for it disappears faster than you can imagine. Enjoy your tortoises. Animals are what helped me through a rough childhood. They can help center you. 
Just a thought....
Can you check the library to find anger management books? Perhaps theres something in them that may help you without involving outside influences.


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## Bee62 (Jul 27, 2018)

Hi, sorry but I have no perfect "recipe" for you to control your anger. But as Tom said: Don`t let the anger control you, try to control your anger.
When you are old enough ( I don`t know how old you are ) and you want to leave school because school makes you angry, do it and find a job. Maybe you are interested in cars ? Repairing cars is not a bad job. You need something you can be proud of. You need to be proud of yourself, what you do, what you are. When you are proud of yourself you don`t have to be angry because of other stupid people.
I hope that you will find your way in this jungle of life. It is not easy and it is even harder for a young man.
Glad you bought your torts and that they mean so much to you. Glad you found this foŕum and us. We are here when you want to talk to someone. We will always try to help you.
Please accept an electronic hug.


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## Maro2Bear (Jul 27, 2018)

I would also suggest that if your goal is oriented toward crime scene cleaner, it might be good to explore options to volunteer with forces and orgs associated with that business. Hospitals, police forces, fire house EMT’s, etc all have various non-paid positions that you can seek out now to build your resume. Don’t put all your “career eggs” into one basket. Summer is a great time to volunteer at many of these places. Police and fire houses seek volunteers, and working PT in a hospital, even just bed side assistance or lab prep or lab cleanup gives you an insight and opens doors. Use your energy to your favor, don’t let it build up.

Good luck..!


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 27, 2018)

Toddrickfl1 said:


> Not medication, meditation.



oh, oops read that wrong. Amazing what chaning one letter can do.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 27, 2018)

Looking at the replies, It seems to be fairly common for young men to have anger issues.
What we seem to have in common is that most of it faded away with time.
We all want to help.
And we all wish you the best.
I wish I had the answer that you need and that I could put that into words in this form.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 27, 2018)

Tom said:


> I was an angry young man growing up too. Life tried to serve me a steaming sh*t sandwich and I wasn't having it. Its a wonder I survived the teen years and early 20s.
> 
> Two things got me through those years:
> 
> ...


Well said. Tom.


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 27, 2018)

This morning i woke up to check on Steve and George in their tubs. When i took off the lids they both walked up to me, aware that I was either gonna give them food or a soak. That made me really happy, almost cried.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 27, 2018)

NewTortEnthusiast said:


> This morning i woke up to check on Steve and George in their tubs. When i took off the lids they both walked up to me, aware that I was either gonna give them food or a soak. That made me really happy, almost cried.


That's cool.
If I dropped over, dead in my tortoise pen, I'm pretty sure mine couldn't care less.


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## TriciaStringer (Jul 27, 2018)

NewTortEnthusiast said:


> My parents yelling and hitting me stems from our hispanic background. My father wouldn't really care about it and say a few words and that would be it. My mother on the other hand would refuse to leave my room until I give her the perfect answer to her questions that don't exist. It will put her in a bad mood. I'm not saying all hispanic parents are this way, just we do things differently than a white family or a black family or any other kinds of families; not the most understanding and wanting to help, more like "why do you feel this way? what's wrong with you? Tell me what's wrong right now" and continues to ask the same questions over and over again getting more angry, never excepting the answer you give them. Then after maybe 2 hours its all over and we forget about it.
> 
> My parents would also dislike the fact they would have to take me to anger management courses. An extra thing that they would agree I don't need, just based on the hassle of driving over there or having to pick me up later.
> 
> And I love Dirty Jobs. And I don't know if I could get a scholarship from Mike Rowe if I'm wanting to be a crime scene cleaner. I wouldn't be old enough until roughly the middle of college (have to be 21 to be a crime scene cleaner), that's a long time to wait for my job opportunity. Plus to be a crime scene cleaner all you need is a high school diploma or equivalent.


Mike Rowe is one of my favorite people on this planet. Definitely apply. 
There are lots of other jobs you can do in the meantime. You love animals and caring for them, what about a zoo, vet clinic, or maybe test to work for the state. My niece is working for the state while in college. They are working around her schedule. 
I’ll be praying for you to have peace and calm.


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## NewTortEnthusiast (Jul 27, 2018)

This is just amazing. All of you nice people are here telling me.. sorry I am just so happy all of you are here. I would never, and I mean never, find any friends and lovely people like you in real life. Never. 

Regardless of what I end up doing, either it being animal care directly, or using my money to feed and house my pets, I will do everything in my power to give these beautiful animals the best lives possible.


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## Bee62 (Jul 28, 2018)

NewTortEnthusiast said:


> This morning i woke up to check on Steve and George in their tubs. When i took off the lids they both walked up to me, aware that I was either gonna give them food or a soak. That made me really happy, almost cried.


I got the picture you describe. Its the same I experience every morning with my torts: Switching on their lights they slowly awake, stretching their legs and yawning several times. Torts are so relaxed that it is relaxing watching them !
I am glad that your cute torts make you so happy. You can be proud to be such a good tort "dad".


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## lilly_sand99 (Aug 7, 2018)

It seems we aren't too far in age, and the last 2 years of high school are sh!t, there is no two ways about it. It is the time for you to have your whole darn life planned out till the age you retire, and at that point we don't even have our brains fully developed! We aren't even halfway grown into the people we are supposed to be yet! (At 25 our brains stop devepoling.) And all the pressure to have life figured out by the time i was graduating was the most maddening experience of my life. I am the most docile person on earth, and it made me wanna fight people. So just find your chill (like you seem to of found in your tortoises), and just be along for the ride my friend. And find your chill in something that you will be proud to tell your children/grandchildren!!


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## Pastel Tortie (Aug 8, 2018)

It's taken me over a week to figure out what to say and how to say it in a reply... because there is so much I want to say. This thread really struck a chord with me, and judging from the numerous lengthy responses, it struck a chord with many here.

I recently delurked and registered as a member on TFO so I could "join the conversation." This was one of those threads I wanted speak up on. Please take it as a compliment (all of you) that the posts on this thread helped motivate me to find my voice (and finally register) so I could join the conversation.

I admire you for reaching out and articulating what so many individuals are reluctant to say or admit.

I will probably break this into multiple posts because there is much I've been wanting to say, and the previous responses have inspired my brain on other tangents that may still be relevant.


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## Pastel Tortie (Aug 8, 2018)

I have a sneaking suspicion that it isn't the anger management section of the library that would do you the most good... I don't believe that's the underlying issue. And if you did check out anger management books from the library, I get the feeling you probably would not finish them (and possibly feel bad that you didn't). Don't feel bad if you don't finish them.

Call it a hunch, but I want to point you to a specific book (not about anger management), and you don't have to read all of it, and you don't have to read it in order. (The authors don't expect you to.) Just a few pages from any chapter, and you'll have a sense of whether this is on the right track.

Delivered from Distraction 
By Edward Hallowell and John Ratey

If you can't find that one, their prior book, Driven to Distraction, will do.

There's a copy on my bookshelf, for very good reason: I see me in it. My brain really is wired differently than most... It wasn't my imagination. I know that feeling... The self-awareness of high intelligence and incredible potential... coupled with the anger and frustration of not being able to realize your potential... and not being able to identify or explain why. 

So, please humor me... Find the book and read the checklist or a few pages of whatever chapter(s) you find interesting... and let me know if it strikes a chord.


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## ZEROPILOT (Aug 8, 2018)

How are you doing?
Keeping busy?


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## KarenSoCal (Aug 8, 2018)

Both books on Kindle...
I wanted to share the below product from Amazon.com with you..Driven to Distraction

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005GFII62/?tag=exoticpetnetw-20


I wanted to share the below product from Amazon.com with you..Delivered from Distraction

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FCKLWK/?tag=exoticpetnetw-20


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## mike taylor (Aug 16, 2018)

Anger is someone or something controlling you . You can't worry bout stuff you can't change or control . I channel my anger through stuff . I build things or ride my motorcycle . When I was younger fought all the time.Then one day I just woke up and said it isn't worth it .What does it really solve ? When you feel yourself getting to the point of a melt down just walk away .


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## ZEROPILOT (Aug 17, 2018)

Well guys, it looks like most if us were fighters.
Glad we didn't all go to school together!


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## mike taylor (Aug 17, 2018)

I take jiu jitsu and kickboxing. That helped with anger management . Gives you a good place to let it out . Elite MMA good gym and awesome people.


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## Gillian M (Aug 20, 2018)

ZEROPILOT said:


> Well guys, it looks like most if us were fighters.
> Glad we didn't all go to school together!


Good one, Ed.


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## Boettgeri (Sep 2, 2018)

Hello

Maybe it is a little late to reply because there is already plenty of good and interesting replies.
I hope you are doing well and I wish you all the best for senior year.

I wanted to say that I can recognize myself in some of the things you say. My parents are not hispanic but portuguese and I think I understand what you say about culture. I believe anger can also come when you feel stuck in a situation and I understand you have to wait until you are 21 to go out of this. It is sad your parents don't understand you and don't allow you to really talk to them and say what you want to say. Why going to college if you don't want it, if you will feel bad about it ? I think you are right to go off if it is what feel about it. You know what you want to do in your life and I think to already know it is a good thing. In my life I did plenty of things I didn't want in order to please my parents and family and other people, I let some people hurt me bad in different kinds of way... I was struggling with my problems more and more (anger also but I was angry against me not the others) and now what I have succeeeded in life is still useless for me and it is still not good enough for my family even if I'm an adult ! That is why I believe sometimes you just have to say stop to eveybody that wants to control your life. Your life is only yours nobody will live it for you. So do what YOU want, what you choose to do, not what they want you to do. I believe once you are at peace with yourself, with your own choices anger will calm down. My tortoises also helped me a lot. I believe tortoises have some kind of "power". They are my babies, I will do anything for them to have a good life.  Good luck and take care of your tortoises  (sorry if a made a mistake I'm still trying to improve my english)


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## Maggie3fan (Sep 20, 2018)

I don't know if this will help, but I'm 73 yrs old and the last time I was in jail for my temper was July 3rd, 2018. Now that's just not cool. I have had a bad temper and lousy personality all my life, and not much reason for it. You've gotten some really good advice, Angela, I wish I had been your kid.
I went to jail for my temper the first time at 12 yrs. I am your example of why you need to get a modecom of control of your temper. You actually "could" ruin your life, and it's all in front of you now. Most women have never been in a fist fight, I can't count the number I've had. I was punched when I was 30 and it broke my cheekbone and popped out my eyeball.I am only telling you these personal things because your temper is something that is going to take some work. It's not something to take lightly. I've told you these things so you could kinda look at your future if you allow that temper and hate take over. Work on the hate and the temper will go away. So many of us relate to you. I'm glad you're here

Geeze, I've been a member here for 10 years not just a few months.....I know, Yvonne, you explained it to me, but I don't haveta like it.....Maggie


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## ZEROPILOT (Sep 20, 2018)

maggie18fan said:


> I don't know if this will help, but I'm 73 yrs old and the last time I was in jail for my temper was July 3rd, 2018. Now that's just not cool. I have had a bad temper and lousy personality all my life, and not much reason for it. You've gotten some really good advice, Angela, I wish I had been your kid.
> I went to jail for my temper the first time at 12 yrs. I am your example of why you need to get a modecom of control of your temper. You actually "could" ruin your life, and it's all in front of you now. Most women have never been in a fist fight, I can't count the number I've had. I was punched when I was 30 and it broke my cheekbone and popped out my eyeball.I am only telling you these personal things because your temper is something that is going to take some work. It's not something to take lightly. I've told you these things so you could kinda look at your future if you allow that temper and hate take over. Work on the hate and the temper will go away. So many of us relate to you. I'm glad you're here
> 
> Geeze, I've been a member here for 10 years not just a few months.....I know, Yvonne, you explained it to me, but I don't haveta like it.....Maggie


Nice to see you here, Maggy.
Anger issues have affected lots of us. None of us have benefited from it, either.
Talking about this seems therapeutic


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## Bee62 (Sep 20, 2018)

maggie18fan said:


> I don't know if this will help, but I'm 73 yrs old and the last time I was in jail for my temper was July 3rd, 2018. Now that's just not cool. I have had a bad temper and lousy personality all my life, and not much reason for it. You've gotten some really good advice, Angela, I wish I had been your kid.
> I went to jail for my temper the first time at 12 yrs. I am your example of why you need to get a modecom of control of your temper. You actually "could" ruin your life, and it's all in front of you now. Most women have never been in a fist fight, I can't count the number I've had. I was punched when I was 30 and it broke my cheekbone and popped out my eyeball.I am only telling you these personal things because your temper is something that is going to take some work. It's not something to take lightly. I've told you these things so you could kinda look at your future if you allow that temper and hate take over. Work on the hate and the temper will go away. So many of us relate to you. I'm glad you're here
> 
> Geeze, I've been a member here for 10 years not just a few months.....I know, Yvonne, you explained it to me, but I don't haveta like it.....Maggie


Hi Maggy, although I don`t know you I want to tell you that I am very impressed that you speak public about your temper problems. You are very courageous and I like the honesty of your words and I am honest too when I say that.


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## jockma (Sep 20, 2018)

I was bullied before puberty and became a bully after puberty hit. People who bullied me suddenly decided I was pretty and wanted to hear what I had to say. I should’ve learned from the pain they inflicted on me but I decided being cruel was more fun. I’ll never stop regretting that.

Being angry and horrible to people is addictive, honestly. I still have a hard time letting go when someone is rude to me. I feel the urge to hurt them and ruin their life for as long as I can. It’s not healthy. I’ve mellowed out a lot since I turned 20, I’m 22 now and I haven’t blown up in years. But it takes a lot of work, and I still struggle with empathy. I have no problems having empathy for animals or even inanimate objects. I’ve cried because I felt sorry for broken bowls and cups before. With people, it’s hard for me. I constantly justify doing bad things to people because they did something bad to me, even if it’s something like “they bumped into me and didn’t say sorry, so they DESERVE to get their tires slashed!” Thankfully I don’t act on these thoughts, but I still have them and I still have the anger.

The only “episode” I don’t regret is the time I caught an older woman letting her dog poop on our lawn when I was 16. For context, someone had been letting their dog poop on our lawn then immediately reporting us for having an “untidy lawn” that was “an embarrassment to the neighborhood”. We didn’t even have a dog. Now, I had caught her. I made her pick it up with her hands and tripped her repeatedly when she tried to run. She called the police but they took my side (thankfully), apparently she had a habit of making false reports and that ended up saving me. Thanks, poop lady.

One thing I’m grateful for is my anger never extends to people I love. I’ve never blown up at family or friends. It’s always people I dislike or don’t know well. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I hurt my family.


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## Maggie3fan (Sep 22, 2018)

You can always use the Serenity Prayer before you go off on somebody....

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom not to give a sh*t

that will give you a couple of minutes to take some deep breaths and walk off...always be the bigger person.


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## JackieJax (Apr 18, 2021)

Any update? It's been about 3 years since this post. How are you doing?


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## Cocorene' (Apr 18, 2021)

Would also love to know how you are doing. I hope and pray things are working out for you. ?


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## wellington (Apr 18, 2021)

He was last on the forum February 18, 2020.


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## JackieJax (Apr 18, 2021)

wellington said:


> He was last on the forum February 18, 2020.


I hope he's okay


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## ZEROPILOT (Apr 19, 2021)

Geez
One of the last posts was from Sabine!


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## KarenSoCal (Apr 20, 2021)

ZEROPILOT said:


> Geez
> One of the last posts was from Sabine!


Yes, it gave me a jolt when I read it! ?


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## Jan A (Apr 20, 2021)

KarenSoCal said:


> Yes, it gave me a jolt when I read it! ?


I think this would be a great thread to keep going because I found this forum in December or January because I'm so angry. And the policy of calling people out when they say something that is an out-of-line response is ok because I know most of the people here care about torts & our friendships we develop. And you lose the forum if constant, personal attacks are allowed that sabotage its purposes.

I hope the person who started this thread is in a good place in his/her life. Would love to see what's happening.


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## Alecks (Apr 22, 2021)

The irony of finding this thread today.... I got in my first fistfight before lunch today at school.... got suspended for three days. Even though she pushed me first I'm the one who got suspended and she didn't... I'm so freaking angry...AND my mom took my phone so I can't talk to anybody about my anger.


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## Jan A (Apr 22, 2021)

Alecks said:


> The irony of finding this thread today.... I got in my first fistfight before lunch today at school.... got suspended for three days. Even though she pushed me first I'm the one who got suspended and she didn't... I'm so freaking angry...AND my mom took my phone so I can't talk to anybody about my anger.


Hey, we're not "just anybody". We're here to talk, & we've all got way more years of experience & hindsight & knowledge than most on your call list. And we love torts!!

So talk to us & tell us what's on your mind. I'm up for a while & you've got others around the world ready, willing & listening.


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## Alecks (Apr 22, 2021)

Jan A said:


> Hey, we're not "just anybody". We're here to talk, & we've all got way more years of experience & hindsight & knowledge than most on your call list. And we love torts!!
> 
> So talk to us & tell us what's on your mind. I'm up for a while & you've got others around the world ready, willing & listening.


hey Jan, thank you so much for being here for me, it means more than you know. As of right now, it's after midnight here and I still have to chore then I am going to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start, and even better I am going to start off my day with a little equine therapy with Sherman.(my horse) Tomorrow will be better, no school(i'm suspended) and no family home. It'll just be me and my horse. Thank goodness. 
Much love, Lilly/Alecks (they/them)


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## Jan A (Apr 22, 2021)

Alecks said:


> hey Jan, thank you so much for being here for me, it means more than you know. As of right now, it's after midnight here and I still have to chore then I am going to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start, and even better I am going to start off my day with a little equine therapy with Sherman.(my horse) Tomorrow will be better, no school(i'm suspended) and no family home. It'll just be me and my horse. Thank goodness.
> Much love, Lilly/Alecks (they/them)


It's no problem. I'm an insomniac so I'm generally up late every night. Get some sleep. I'd rather hang with a horse than go to school....or clean house....yuck!!


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## Maggie3fan (Apr 23, 2021)

Alecks said:


> hey Jan, thank you so much for being here for me, it means more than you know. As of right now, it's after midnight here and I still have to chore then I am going to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start, and even better I am going to start off my day with a little equine therapy with Sherman.(my horse) Tomorrow will be better, no school(i'm suspended) and no family home. It'll just be me and my horse. Thank goodness.
> Much love, Lilly/Alecks (they/them)


Hey Alecks...I am a very old female who's gonna be 75 years old in a couple of weeks. I say that because I need you to understand who I am and what I am about. I left home as a young teen, got kicked outa school in the 9th grade for fighting. I lived in the 60's, a life spent on sex, drugs and rock n roll. I was one of the cool kids, I stole, lied, fought and was generally outa control. I have a grandkid, who was 8 years old when they stopped being Emily and became Alyx. They are 19 now and so awesome! BUT...I spent a good part of my adulthood rude, pissed off and so so angry inside. However, my anger has not stayed inside much. I snap at the drop of a hat, I will jump outa my car in any road rage incident and accost other drivers, I will fight verbally in public with anyone. 5 years ago, making me 70 years old, hunched over and using a cane, I went to jail for assault against a man. I am a mother, grandmother and great grandmother and I went to jail. _Think about it. _I literally have spent my life being ruled and acting upon a great and ferocious anger. I am telling you this because you need to stop, look and get help before you ruin your whole f**king life. Really. You can, right now, choose to live a life full of drama and strife, or stop and change. You're reasonably close to Ceder Rapids or Davenport, and maybe think about going to either city to the Health Department and trying to see a counselor or psychiatrist or psychologist. Do you have an adult family member you trust? An aunt? Grandpa? Maybe an adult neighbor you trust. Some mature person you can talk to and share with? I know having a person like that isn't always possible, but you need to try and find a person like that who you can share with. You need to think... are you prepared to spend your whole life in a soap opera? You want a good productive life, not a hard life due to the trouble and pain you caused with your temper. You can always pm me if you want a private conversation or not...lol
me...


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## wellington (Apr 23, 2021)

Maggie said it best. What I will add, my nephew didnt have a bad temper or anger issues. However, he didnt get walked on either. So he too would not start anything but would retaliate. Like you, he is the one that always got caught. He was smart as smart could be and great at every sport he did. He could have written his world. Instead, he didn't learn that he wasn't good with getting away with things. Ended up in a jail alternative boot camp. He did learn from the boot camp and totally turned his life around from where it was going, but boy, getting the later in life start and the record, at almost 40 he is going job to job and house to house, not really getting settled in. He went from being able to write his world, to figuring out what life throws him. 
Count to 10 before reacting and while counting, walk away.


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