# When does liking someone turn into love?



## dmmj

So, as some of you may know, I have been talking with someone from the Philippines for quite awhile. I spend almost every night talking to her, we video chat, and I like her a lot. She is close to my age, and we say we like each other, no problem there. Like my thread title says when do you know you are in love? I can honestly say I have never been in romantic love so I am unsure how different you may feel. Am I already in love? I don't play games, when I like someone I tell them. I love my family, I do love several people on here, but I just don't know. Some more background, We are both fine with long distance for now ( hence my previous thread), and I just don't know. This is a very serious thread for me, I don't often expose myself like this, so I welcome all thoughts on this matter. Some of you are married, in a relationship, some might be divorced, so tell me why are you in love, why are you no longer in love? Thank you for taking the time to read this long post, I know there is probably no easy answer, but still, it would be nice right ?


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## mike taylor

This is how you know . I married my best friend . I didn't get married because I could live with her, I got married because I can't live without her . If you get up in the morning and she's the frist thing you think of then i'd say you have been bitten my friend . I have been married almost 19 years I can't say everyday is good . But I can say everyday I'm with her she makes me a better man .


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## Blakem

I'm only 25, but I can honestly say that I am in love with my girlfriend. We've only been dating for 4.5 years, but I've adored her for longer. Here's my story from how I met Christy, my girlfriend. 

Christy was mutual friends with a friend of mine and showed up at a get together at my friends house. I saw something in her that instantly attracted me to her, despite her slight intoxication. I didn't talk to her that night. Our group hung out many Times after that, every weekend in fact. I was considered "shy" and didn't know how to talk to her. She was a little shy herself at times. Her friends knew I had a really big third grade crush on her, and I knew she was something else. She had no attraction to me, nor interest in me. I was definitely head over heels. Long story short, she got to know me more on a personal level. I really tried to impress her, to be the guy that made the move and just bring her "study food" randomly, and to do things I've never been comfortable with. I never tried too hard and didn't feel like my efforts were useless, but I did feel like she wasn't feeling the mutual feelings I was having. I really worked on taking my time and just letting things come together, whether I knew they would or not. 

I truly have gotten lucky for Christy to have ended up in my life at such a young age. She truly fell into my lap without me expecting anything to happen. I wasn't looking. Why am I in love? How do I know? That's a huge question. At my age, I could be out in the world trying to date girls and making choices I might regret. But, I know that I couldn't find anyone, she couldn't be replaced by anything, and I don't see it better anywhere else.

I don't know that I was able to stay on topic with your subject, but I wanted to share my a short portion on my life. Good luck David! You will find someone, whether you're looking or not.


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## Peytons torts

I kinda know how your feeling last year I med this guy he was super nice to me I didn't like him at the time he asked me out but when he did I didn't want him to feel bad so I said yes after that I realized that I kinda fell for him but I guessed he realized that he didn't feel the same anymore and started cheating on me with a smoking drug dealing girl I was heart broken and even now I still think of him wondering if he still thinks of me


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## tortdad

dmmj said:


> So, as some of you may know, I have been talking with someone from the Philippines for quite awhile. I spend almost every night talking to her, we video chat, and I like her a lot. She is close to my age, and we say we like each other, no problem there. Like my thread title says when do you know you are in love? I can honestly say I have never been in romantic love so I am unsure how different you may feel. Am I already in love? I don't play games, when I like someone I tell them. I love my family, I do love several people on here, but I just don't know. Some more background, We are both fine with long distance for now ( hence my previous thread), and I just don't know. This is a very serious thread for me, I don't often expose myself like this, so I welcome all thoughts on this matter. Some of you are married, in a relationship, some might be divorced, so tell me why are you in love, why are you no longer in love? Thank you for taking the time to read this long post, I know there is probably no easy answer, but still, it would be nice right ?


 Sounds like you're already in loooooooove. You live in southern Cali right, how did you two meet? 


0.0.1 Redfoot (Spike)
0.0.1 Cherryhead Redfoot (Bruce Wayne)
1.0 Sulcata (Hal Jordan)


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## Jacqui

I've been wanting to ask how this relationship was going, but was afraid to dig up bad memories if it had ended. Glad it's still going strong.


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## lismar79

I married my best friend. No matter how you look at love or romance what matters most is that that is the one person you need to be able to count on. Thick and thin.


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## Yvonne G

I think Mike said it best: I didn't get married because I could live with her, I got married because I can't live without her

Here's my thought on the subject. Don't try to put labels on your feelings. Just go along as you are. One of these days you're going to realize that what you feel for her is "love." (or not)


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## dmmj

tortdad said:


> Sounds like you're already in loooooooove. You live in southern Cali right, how did you two meet?
> 
> 
> 0.0.1 Redfoot (Spike)
> 0.0.1 Cherryhead Redfoot (Bruce Wayne)
> 1.0 Sulcata (Hal Jordan)


I met her on craigs list, we tarted chatting on face book, the rest they say is history. Do I have to be in looooooove? how about just inlooove?


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## ascott

> Do I have to be in looooooove? how about just inlooove?



Just be smart.....sometimes the "love" thing is too overrated my friend....the pair thing holds true on alot of creatures, not just tortoise....have fun and don't focus on the label...also, what was the point of the initial contact? I mean, I am sure I am not the only one that thought about the Philippine bride to the US thing---don't get mad for me asking....

I have an Uncle who met and married a lady he brought here/married for her to become a legal citizen in the US....HOWEVER, it ended up that they did eventually stay together, have three children and over 25 years later are still together....they are fond of one another.


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## dmmj

ascott said:


> Just be smart.....sometimes the "love" thing is too overrated my friend....the pair thing holds true on alot of creatures, not just tortoise....have fun and don't focus on the label...also, what was the point of the initial contact? I mean, I am sure I am not the only one that thought about the Philippine bride to the US thing---don't get mad for me asking....
> 
> I have an Uncle who met and married a lady he brought here/married for her to become a legal citizen in the US....HOWEVER, it ended up that they did eventually stay together, have three children and over 25 years later are still together....they are fond of one another.


 The inital contact was a looking to expand my horizons, nothing more. I am well aware that a lot of women there will use the men to get here. I did some investigation, plus she has a extensive face book history, about 4 years. I am not angry, but like I say love i a risk, but it is a risk worth taking, I went into this with eyes wide open, she doesn't hide anything from me, so I trust her a lot. Will it work out? I hope it does, but like all things time will tell.


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## ascott

dmmj said:


> The inital contact was a looking to expand my horizons, nothing more. I am well aware that a lot of women there will use the men to get here. I did some investigation, plus she has a extensive face book history, about 4 years. I am not angry, but like I say love i a risk, but it is a risk worth taking, I went into this with eyes wide open, she doesn't hide anything from me, so I trust her a lot. Will it work out? I hope it does, but like all things time will tell.


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## ZEROPILOT

As an older guy, (50) I can say that It's easier to fall in love long distance sometimes because it's like a dream. Being with that person physically and day to day with all of the little quirks and conflicts in your personalities can only be experienced later, once you're together. The reality is often a little or a lot less dream like. I followed my junior high school girlfriend through phone calls all through separate colleges a thousand miles apart and through her two marriages. We talked on the phone about twice a year for decades until the time that we were both free at the same time. All of that fairy tale came to a head and we were quickly married.......The marriage was over within two months. The wonderful woman I'm married to now, I met in a newspaper ad. We've been together almost since our second date. 16 years now! Be careful. I'm a sucker for falling in love. I also take chances. It's true that you can save your self from being hurt by being too cautious, but there is also a lot to gain that you could also miss. Later in life you might find yourself very upset that you didn't find out if this would have worked or not. I'm actually kind of exited for you. One way or another, It'll all work out. You're still young. Good luck!


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## wellington

David, you got one life. I think,you should do whatever you can to meet this person face to face, in person, not Skype and see where it goes. Even if you don't feel the same after that, it doesn't mean you two can't still stay friends. If you don't take a chance, you will only have regrets. If you can't wait for that time you talk then I think your in love. If it doesn't matter if you miss a day of talking with her, your not.


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## Abdulla6169

If you're in truly in love with someone you don't ask yourself that question, being in love is simply devoting all your energy towards someone.  so if that special person is everything in the world to you, and you can't live without her, then you are in love.


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## phebe121

Me and my bf arr truly in love we dated
For 6 month be for i moved in now its almost 3 yrs i can honestly say not every day is a picnic but i still cant live with out him by my side i need him and want him there till we are old and gray and i know he feels the same way he still calls me on his brakes at work and irs to say i love you ill text him all day even know he cant answer at work at night one gets up to pee when we get into bed we kiss the other one. If you cant live with out that person u think about the, all the time weather you live in the same house or not


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## lisa127

The biggest thing I've learned with age is that there is no one you can't live without. Love is when you don't want to ever be without that person, not that you can't live without them.


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## ZEROPILOT

lisa127 said:


> The biggest thing I've learned with age is that there is no one you can't live without. Love is when you don't want to ever be without that person, not that you can't live without them.


Perfect.Actually.


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## lisa127

wellington said:


> David, you got one life. I think,you should do whatever you can to meet this person face to face, in person, not Skype and see where it goes. Even if you don't feel the same after that, it doesn't mean you two can't still stay friends. If you don't take a chance, you will only have regrets. If you can't wait for that time you talk then I think your in love. If it doesn't matter if you miss a day of talking with her, your not.


I can definitely go a day (at least) without talking to my husband!


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## lisa127

ascott said:


> Just be smart.....sometimes the "love" thing is too overrated my friend....the pair thing holds true on alot of creatures, not just tortoise....have fun and don't focus on the label...also, what was the point of the initial contact? I mean, I am sure I am not the only one that thought about the Philippine bride to the US thing---don't get mad for me asking....
> 
> I have an Uncle who met and married a lady he brought here/married for her to become a legal citizen in the US....HOWEVER, it ended up that they did eventually stay together, have three children and over 25 years later are still together....they are fond of one another.


Thanks for posting this!! the love thing is overrated. People think they love someone when they get married, and possibly they do. Real love is so much more complicated than that. It's building a life together, going through **** together, having children, raising children, buying a house, losing a house, paying the bills, not being able to pay the bills, life tragedies that you go through together. Maybe I"m not a romantic, but I think people need to use their head a little more and heart a little less when choosing a life partner.


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## lisa127

ZEROPILOT said:


> As an older guy, (50) I can say that It's easier to fall in love long distance sometimes because it's like a dream. Being with that person physically and day to day with all of the little quirks and conflicts in your personalities can only be experienced later, once you're together. The reality is often a little or a lot less dream like. I followed my junior high school girlfriend through phone calls all through separate colleges a thousand miles apart and through her two marriages. We talked on the phone about twice a year for decades until the time that we were both free at the same time. All of that fairy tale came to a head and we were quickly married.......The marriage was over within two months. The wonderful woman I'm married to now, I met in a newspaper ad. We've been together almost since our second date. 16 years now! Be careful. I'm a sucker for falling in love. I also take chances. It's true that you can save your self from being hurt by being too cautious, but there is also a lot to gain that you could also miss. Later in life you might find yourself very upset that you didn't find out if this would have worked or not. I'm actually kind of exited for you. One way or another, It'll all work out. You're still young. Good luck!


An older guy.  I don't appreciate that since you're barely much older than me.


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## phebe121

lisa127 said:


> I can definitely go a day (at least) without talking to my husband!



O no how, i couldnt imagine not talking to my bf or even if he was my husband or even saying i love you or miss yiu or even make his fav. Meal


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## lisa127

phebe121 said:


> O no how, i couldnt imagine not talking to my bf or even if he was my husband or even saying i love you or miss yiu or even make his fav. Meal


It's a combination of things. 1) I'm a loner by nature - I "recharge" with plenty of alone time. and 2) It's called 23 years of togetherness. Hence, 23 years of baggage.

I can love and care for someone as much as the next person. But I like to have a lot of alone time. A lot.

If it makes you feel any better, I did not necessarily feel this way 20 years ago. I'm a much different person now. I love him more now than I did in my twenties. I also dislike him more now than I did then.


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## phebe121

lisa127 said:


> It's a combination of things. 1) I'm a loner by nature - I "recharge" with plenty of alone time. and 2) It's called 23 years of togetherness. Hence, 23 years of baggage.
> 
> I can love and care for someone as much as the next person. But I like to have a lot of alone time. A lot.
> 
> If it makes you feel any better, I did not necessarily feel this way 20 years ago. I'm a much different person now. I love him more now than I did in my twenties. I also dislike him more now than I did then.


I wounder if it will be like that for me as me and him grow older together.we 
will see,i get my alone time wile hes at work


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## lisa127

phebe121 said:


> I wounder if it will be like that for me as me and him grow older together.we
> will see,i get my alone time wile hes at work


Me, too. For the last 15 years of my life I've worked at an elementary school. Not necessarily the best job for an introvert like me, but it worked. My kids are in their early 20's now but when they were young they were at school all day and him at work all day. I run the before/after school program so I'm home from 9 to 3. I was fortunate in that way - 6 hours of alone time every day!


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## phebe121

[QUOTE="lisa127, post: 986630, member: 186, too. For the last 15 years of my life I've worked at an elementary school. Not necessarily the best job for an introvert like me, but it worked. My kids are in their early 20's now but when they were young they were at school all day and him at work all day. I run the before/after school program so I'm home from 9 to 3. I was fortunate in that way - 6 hours of alone time every day![/QUOTE]
Ya right now he work 10 or 11 hr days my daughter is at school so it quite and i clean and cook lol


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## wellington

As you grow together, your not so needy for them. However, in the beginning of a relationship, if your in love, you want to talk to them every day. Yes, I can go a day or even two without talking to my husband. Together 22 years and friends since 1980. But when we fell in love, we talked every day and couldn't wait to do so. We were also long distance, not as far as David though. We were Michigan to Chicago.


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## phebe121

Ya i just hope in 20 years we love eachother more and more as time goes on


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## johnsonnboswell

I've been married 34 years, together for 36 years. I'm not sure that a theory of love is actually helpful. You feel it or you don't, and you can feel love on a continuum of feeling. How you act on it depends on circumstances. The person we love madly is not always the person we can or should live with. On the other hand, love is never wasted. 

I will say that if you build a strong & solid friendship, that will always be there. Even if the relationship takes a turn away from what you'd hoped or expected, a genuine friendship will last. Friendship and mutual respect and admiration are a great basis for love. Infatuation is based on other stuff.


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## smarch

I may be young, but I've been through a lot. Basically I've said on this site multiple times that I had a pretty rough breakup in April, but I knew 100% that that was love, and when she broke it off I had no idea what happened, I still don't and I've figured out a lot since. 
Love is waking up wanting to spend your life with the person, knowing its possible and feeling like you can't live without them. 
I feel like there are different "stages of love" per-say. 
Theres the initial "puppy love" or honeymoon phase type thing where you want to spend every minute you can with them. That's the phase that wears out and causes trouble for people, its love but not like fully matured love. I don't know entirely too much about how you feel but it sounds like you're around here, I wonder if one really can get much further while long distance. Because the love from there develops into not needing to spend every waking minute with them or talking to them, but knowing that you make each other better (ok maybe this too is possible long distance) where they are your best friend and you can talk about anything, but its no longer the sickly sweet stuff. Then from there it developes more and more (like described above through marriage, owning a home, children, through good and bad you make each other better people and grow from it. 

So yeah, that's how I personally see love. I've given up looking at this point, Franklin is the only love I need right now, he's pretty comfortable with me, pooping in front of me and all  and I've made him a better tortoise (at least like to think that) and he's certainly made me a better person lol. Love enough for this 21 year old 

I do wish you the best of luck though, she sounds genuine especially since you're facetiming, so its not like she's some man or not who she says she is. So I really wish the 2 of you the best


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## puffy137

lisa127 said:


> It's a combination of things. 1) I'm a loner by nature - I "recharge" with plenty of alone time. and 2) It's called 23 years of togetherness. Hence, 23 years of baggage.
> 
> I can love and care for someone as much as the next person. But I like to have a lot of alone time. A lot.
> 
> If it makes you feel any better, I did not necessarily feel this way 20 years ago. I'm a much different person now. I love him more now than I did in my twenties. I also dislike him more now than I did then.


'We eat dinner separately , we take holidays apart , in fact we are doing all we can to keep our marriage together' lol Joke joke joke ( nearly )


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## dmmj

So update if anyonne is interested. We are planning an oct. 2 week meet in the phillipines, I am leaving on a jet plane. She is excited about meeting me ( Imagine that). bought my ticket, just need a pass port, and visa. If anything changes, i will up date, for all you nosey types.


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## jaizei

dmmj said:


> So update if anyonne is interested. We are planning an oct. 2 week meet in the phillipines, I am leaving on a jet plane. She is excited about meeting me ( Imagine that). bought my ticket, just need a pass port, and visa. If anything changes, i will up date, for all you nosey types.



Have you been out of the counrtry before?


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## dmmj

jaizei said:


> Have you been out of the counrtry before?


No, new experience for me, I don't think mexico counts, only like a 90 min drive, Pre 9-11 no pass port needed.


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## tortdad

October. That's a hell of a wait brother.


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## wellington

That's pretty exciting there David. Also a long wait. Your going to go nuts waiting. Keep us posted. And remind us on here before you go.


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## Jodie

Best of luck to you. I love happy endings, so looking forward to updates. I met my husband online almost 9 years ago, and couldn't be happier.


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## Momof4

How excited for you two!! Check to see if you need any vaccines. My husband gets a couple for China trips. I'm so happy for you!


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## ascott

dmmj said:


> So update if anyonne is interested. We are planning an oct. 2 week meet in the phillipines, I am leaving on a jet plane. She is excited about meeting me ( Imagine that). bought my ticket, just need a pass port, and visa. If anything changes, i will up date, for all you nosey types.




Please be sure to get all applicable immunizations for visiting that part of the world...they are always having major breakouts of some type or another ....I believe measles is full blown in major parts there.....be safe.


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## pfara

Momof4 said:


> How excited for you two!! Check to see if you need any vaccines. My husband gets a couple for China trips. I'm so happy for you!



Vaccinations would be the least of my worries. Do you know which area you're going to? Headhunters, man.. watch out for headhunters


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## ascott

pfara said:


> Vaccinations would be the least of my worries. Do you know which area you're going to? Headhunters, man.. watch out for headhunters




Ah yes, but it is the silent crap that will knock you on your ace.....why does she not come here? It is safer all around?


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## bouaboua

Best luck and fun with your trip.


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## dmmj

Head hunters? trips ooff I think with that.
@ascott trust me, I already looked into flying her here for a visit, the philipine goverment saddly does not let single women travel, they often don't return home, so....
I won't break the law even if it benefits me to do so.


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## ZEROPILOT

lisa127 said:


> An older guy.  I don't appreciate that since you're barely much older than me.


Sorry, Lisa!


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## pfara

dmmj said:


> Head hunters? trips ooff I think with that.
> @ascott trust me, I already looked into flying her here for a visit, the philipine goverment saddly does not let single women travel, they often don't return home, so....
> I won't break the law even if it benefits me to do so.



My only advice for headhunters is to stick to the main islands. If headhunters are a non-issue, watch out for drivers!

And yeah, it took quite a while (15+ years) for my family (mom's side) to be cleared to come (and live) in the states.

I hope you enjoy yourself, David! Take many pictures, don't ride the caribou, and see if you can visit one of the secluded beaches (as long as it's safe).


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## Neal

If you don't mind answering, what province are you going to?


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## ZEROPILOT

Things DO change after a while. Don't they? Although still a fantastic relationship, there is much more friendship and a lot less passion. All of the initial excitement goes away and hopefully the reality is good enough. I know that that does NOT sound romantic, but it's true. I'm jealous for you. I know this is going to be a LOT of fun!


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## ascott

dmmj said:


> Head hunters? trips ooff I think with that.
> @ascott trust me, I already looked into flying her here for a visit, the philipine goverment saddly does not let single women travel, they often don't return home, so....
> I won't break the law even if it benefits me to do so.




Just keep your wits about you, don't be fooled by the set up...and have fun.


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