# Divorce :/



## TiyahLove (Jan 27, 2014)

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we where together through some of junior high (middle school) and all of highschool and collage. Recently we have been having difficulties in the relationship and the other day I went through my hubbies phone and found he had been seeing another woman. I sent the kids to grandma and grandpa's for the week so their father and I can talk. Well things aren't looking up for me in the situation. We have quite a few kinks to work through and divorce recently popped into his mind. 
I truly do love this man we have been together as a couple for almost 15 years and I don't want to lose our relationship. I don't want to give up especially for the kids and my love for him. Yeah I'm hurt, but I believe in working things out other than dropping everything. We are going to go to marriage counseling to hopefully work things out and fix any problems in the relationship. I just need opinions from you guys on what you think should be done. I love this man with all my heart and I do still believe there is hope for us. It's not too far gone yet. I don't want it getting to that point which is why we are acting on the problems NOW!


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## Joanne (Jan 27, 2014)

I personally think things like this are always worth working on when children are involved. You seem to be a very understanding spouse. Good luck, I hope it all works out OK for you.


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## barroncourtney45 (Jan 27, 2014)

Im so sorry. Im to young to be married and probebly understand this like others but i know going through something like that really hurts, expecially when married. I went through something like that but just dating. We are all good now and im hoping yall can do the same. Im praying for you and your family. Keep your head up.


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## bouaboua (Jan 27, 2014)

May God be your wisdom and strength the lead you through all this.

Best wishes to you and your family.


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## Linz2491 (Jan 27, 2014)

I'm so sorry you are
Going through this. I am also divorced with three kids after nearly ten years of marriage. I dated him mostly from 16
Years old so I had a lot of reason to keep trying. Problem is, it can't be one sided. Your husband has to want to be married to you. Seeing other woman does not show that. It is something that can be worked out, but he has to actually want to work it out and change.
Life for me is far better now. I don't regret my divorce a bit. It was very amicable and aside from a horrid year when he got remarried to someone he barely new and she tried to take my children so they didn't have to pay child support. Luckily they lost, are in the process of a divorce, and him and I are back on friendly terms.
It's not easy for sure but life will go on and you will be ok.


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## diamondbp (Jan 27, 2014)

I would pray pray pray and try your best to work things out. The children deserve it. If there was ever true marital love there before than it can surely be there again. God can restore broken marriages if he is involved. Best of luck to you and your family!


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## Jacqui (Jan 27, 2014)

If both parties are not commited to the marriage, then it won't work out. I believe that staying married for the children, does not work well for any of the folks involved, especially the children who sense things are wrong. Even if you divorce, it does not mean the end of the relationship. You not only will always have the sharing of the children, but you can still be friends. I know this because I have gotten divorced twice. My exs and I are great friends, we just could not be great partners to each other. We all get together for the children and I know I can count on them any time I need them, even now that the children are grown up. My experience is normally once a spouse cheats, they will do it again in the future. There are exceptions of course.

If you both do decide to stay together then I wish you the best of luck.


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## tortoise5643 (Jan 27, 2014)

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I agree with some of the above, keep praying.


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## milkandsam (Jan 27, 2014)

I hope everything works out for you. Be very careful what you say around your children. Many of my close friends feel very trapped between their divorced parents. I just hope everything works out for you. I am thinking of you during this difficult time.


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## MzNENA (Jan 27, 2014)

I know what it is you are going through.
I married my highschool boyfriend as well at the age of 17 & we have a 5 year old son together.
We have had many, many challenges in which he mostly felt he was too young to be married & would leave us for periods of time, at a time. Very stressful times, fidelity was always a concern, but we continue to persevere through it all.

Of course when a child is involved, it is definitely worth trying to work things out for their sake. In this day & age you almost rarely see parents staying together anymore.
Not a good trend, whatsoever.
Take the time that you need to heal, work things out calmly. Keep the children out of arguments. They pick up on EVERYTHING. When a final decision is made that may affect the children, then calmly explain the situation with them with no hostility towards other partner.

As long as both parties come to an agreement & want the same goal, working & fixing relationships, is always possible 

Keep your head up lovely & best of luck to you.
You are a strong woman, these times will pass :heart:


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## Elohi (Jan 27, 2014)

I'm very sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry he betrayed you and has hurt you. My only advice is to listen to your inner self, your gut, your intuition through every step you take. 
I have been through a really really nasty divorce. We have two children together and he lost his ever loving mind through the separation and things got extremely ugly. It was hard to follow my gut because of fear. But no matter what, you really do need to listen to your inner self because your inner self knows the future long before your body/mind has a clue. Trust your decisions whatever they may be. Life goes on...as you choose it. By that I mean, you go to marriage counseling, your husband sees the what he has done and vows to never betray you again, and y'all plug on. Or you hobble along and it falls apart. Or you pull the plug. Whatever it is, be strong for the kiddos. They are watching and learning from this experience as well as you are. Good luck. Truly, my best wishes. It will all work out [HEAVY BLACK HEART]ï¸


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## wellington (Jan 27, 2014)

Got divorced for the same reason. No kids involved though. We tried working on it for a year. Well, I tried, he just cheated again. If he is not willing too be 100 % transparent! kick him to the curve, in a friendly way. I do believe it ALWAYS takes two to cause problems. It also takes those same two to work them out. 
If it does not work, try to remain friends and work out your divorce together. That way the lawyers don't suck you dry.
Good luck. I feel for you. It really hurts and really sucks. If you both want it too work, I believe it can. Only if both parties wants it too.


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## TiyahLove (Jan 27, 2014)

Elohi said:


> I'm very sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry he betrayed you and has hurt you. My only advice is to listen to your inner self, your gut, your intuition through every step you take.
> I have been through a really really nasty divorce. We have two children together and he lost his ever loving mind through the separation and things got extremely ugly. It was hard to follow my gut because of fear. But no matter what, you really do need to listen to your inner self because your inner self knows the future long before your body/mind has a clue. Trust your decisions whatever they may be. Life goes on...as you choose it. By that I mean, you go to marriage counseling, your husband sees the what he has done and vows to never betray you again, and y'all plug on. Or you hobble along and it falls apart. Or you pull the plug. Whatever it is, be strong for the kiddos. They are watching and learning from this experience as well as you are. Good luck. Truly, my best wishes. It will all work out [HEAVY BLACK HEART]ï¸



I made sure the kiddos weren't here while we where talking about the initial stuff. I don't want them exposed to that, they're to young to understand the concept of what's going on, but I don't want them to know what's going on until a decision is made. It's my job as a parent to protect them and I'm protecting them from my problems. I know when I was a kid my step father was abusive to my mother and they would fight all the time and it took a toll on me and I don't want mine experiencing the same(without the abusive part)


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## mike taylor (Jan 27, 2014)

If you really love him and he loves you back then love will find a way . I have been with my high school sweetheart for 21 years . My bad my middle school sweetheart . Its about trust and understanding . If you can't trust your loved one to be true there is no hope . You can put yourself in a situations to where you can't trust . People do change and grow apart but it's all the bad times that make you stronger . So keep your head up high . Don't let him see you fall apart . If you want everything to workout as long as there is love it will . But thats not our choice to make . Don't let anyone tell you it will not work . It takes two to be as one . Show him you love him and make him show you . You have to make time for him and he'll need to do the same . You get what you receive . Keep your head up and be strong don't let anyone break you down . I'm sorry this is happening to you and I will pray for you . If you need to break down and talk we are here .


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## TiyahLove (Jan 27, 2014)

I talked with him earlier about what is going on and he says that he does love me he just says things have changed. He said he is willing to go to marriage counseling with me and try to work things out and hope for the best.
I explained to him my stand point in the situation and even though he seriously betrayed my trust and hurt me that I do love him and I believe that we can work this out especially for the kids, but I don't want the kids to be the only reason we are together. I want him to be happy as well as myself. 
We came to an agreement to start working forward from things. Once this has all passed we will work forward from it together or not. He did do something that made me feel kinda happy and ehh at the same time. He told me that he was sorry about it all and he wishes he hadn't hurt me, but that things just got kinda boring. He wished we could get out of the routine we have from work and kids and try to take a night out and enjoy ourselves and have fun. I admit I had a roll to play too. I recently got promoted at work and had to work a lot of double shifts during the week so I wasn't home much.
I think there is a great chance we can still make things work and mend the relationship. There's a lot to work on, but it's well worth the effort. He's given me two beautiful children and a generally happy marriage. He used to treat me like a queen until about a month ago (that's the only reason I had a suspicion I knew something was up)

Funny thing is I called the other woman and her husband answered. I hate playing hard ball but when another woman gets in my relationship it's going to happen so... I might have given her husband a little too much insight on what she was doing. He even explained to me they have only been married a month and a half. Well let's just say I don't think their marriage will last much more. Sorry sweetie, but you want to f with me I can sure f with you. Oh I'm such a child when it comes to this. I don't feel bad though she knew he was married with children. B****!!!!!!!


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## Jacqui (Jan 27, 2014)

Well, I hope things work out, but I can't say I am impressed with you talking to the other woman's husband. I think that was a bit petty, mean spirited, and immature. Why hurt another innocent, but that is something you have to live with.


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## mike taylor (Jan 27, 2014)

I would have did the same . You did the right thing . I know if my wife did this to me . I would of told the dudes wife for sure . Working late is not a excuse! If you have a problem you talk to your wife or husband not cheat! Period end of story! It happed you love him do what you have to to fix it . Put it behind you . Don't ever talk about it again . If you can do that it will work if you can't . Then it will not work . I beleave you can . You need to follow your heart nothing else . Just be happy life is to short . Before you know it this will be over and you will smile again .


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## TiyahLove (Jan 27, 2014)

*Re: RE: Divorce :/*



Jacqui said:


> Well, I hope things work out, but I can't say I am impressed with you talking to the other woman's husband. I think that was a bit petty, mean spirited, and immature. Why hurt another innocent, but that is something you have to live with.



The girl he tangled with used to be a Co worker of mine. She knew I had children and how long I had been with him. I do feel slightly bad, but if she would betray her husband this early on there's no telling what she'd do later on. That's not really my point. She doesn't have a family so she can not relate to what she has done to mine. Yes it was both their fault but she should have been the bigger person and said no. I generally don't want to cause anyone any harm by any means, but when her husband answered earlier I was a raging mess to begin with. When it comes to my family I'm not the person to mess with because when you mess with my family it's not just me it's my children as well. She should have known better knowing it is MY husband and my kids to back off and not have let anything occur. 

If I'm going to suffer for her causing my family to almost crumble she deserves what she gets. 

Ehh my views on the whole revenge thing may be different and childish in the situation. I could have handled it way differently and didn't but what is done is done can't be taken back and I can live with how I handled the situation. Revenge isn't my specialty as I'm fairly calm natured, but she just destroyed years and years of trust and it got the worst of me.


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## lisa127 (Jan 27, 2014)

I understand what you're saying, but it is he who destroyed the trust....not her.


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## ALDABRAMAN (Jan 27, 2014)

wellington said:


> *I tried, he just cheated again. *



*It is already done and will never be the same!*


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## Jacqui (Jan 27, 2014)

If you had punished her that would have been one thing, but you punished him. Your marriage is in crumbles because of YOU (as you admit), YOUR husband, and this woman, not that poor man or your children. If fair is fair, should she get her revenge on you by telling your children? No because like the other guy, they should be allowed to not be drawn into this mess. This moment of revenge was sweet to you from what you said earlier. You seemed very proud of your behavior. You do not start to repair and rebuild a marriage, but destroying another marriage. In my opinion, you have become as much of a homewrecker as this lady was. Plus it seems your wanting to forgive your husband who was half of this issue, but not the lady who did the other half? I am not sensing you can really forgive your husband. May I ask where is his dose of punishment like you gave out to the lady?


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## wellington (Jan 27, 2014)

ALDABRAMAN said:


> wellington said:
> 
> 
> > *I tried, he just cheated again. *
> ...



Oh yes. But that was 20 years ago. I walked with my head high though


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## T33's Torts (Jan 27, 2014)

*scoffs* men. 

Sorry about your troubles and I'm glad you've come to a conclusion. 
This is why I am a hermit.


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## ALDABRAMAN (Jan 27, 2014)

tffnytorts said:


> *This is why I am a hermit.*



** That is for sure one option, LOL!*


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## T33's Torts (Jan 27, 2014)

*Re: RE: Divorce :/*



ALDABRAMAN said:


> tffnytorts said:
> 
> 
> > *This is why I am a hermit.*
> ...



The BETTER option too. 

Now if only I had a shell....


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## ALDABRAMAN (Jan 27, 2014)

tffnytorts said:


> ALDABRAMAN said:
> 
> 
> > tffnytorts said:
> ...



** Perfect! (smile)*


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## jennanne (Jan 27, 2014)

You go girl. A man deserves to know if his woman is cheating on him, just like you deserved to know.


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## lisa127 (Jan 27, 2014)

I so agree.


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## wellington (Jan 27, 2014)

Oh, I am a revenge type person. I do think her husband should have been told. It's not fair to leave him looking like a fool and living a lie.
As for her. Well, I got my revenge on the cheap piece of dirt. Every time she was seen in public, by people I knew, well let's just say, she didn't have a good time
Oh, yes, the German can come out of me big time, I go for the throat. Don't like to waist time
Personally I think you need to do for you what can help you deal with it. Anyone that has not gone through this can't understand the gut wrenching pain, thoughts and feelings that run crazy through your brain. It's your world turned upside down like you can not believe. Everything you knew, no longer do you know. I so get it and totally understand what you did. Even though it sounds like you punished him, you did really get her and you may have saved him from prolonged betrayal.
Do what you need to do for yourself too be able to stand strong for your kids and to your husband.


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## lisa127 (Jan 27, 2014)

wellington said:


> Oh, I am a revenge type person. I do think her husband should have been told. It's not fair to leave him looking like a fool and living a lie.
> As for her. Well, I got my revenge on the cheap piece of dirt. Every time she was seen in public, by people I knew, well let's just say, she didn't have a good time
> Oh, yes, the German can come out of me big time, I go for the throat. Don't like to waist time
> Personally I think you need to do for you what can help you deal with it. Anyone that has not gone through this can't understand the gut wrenching pain, thoughts and feelings that run crazy through your brain. It's your world turned upside down like you can not believe. Everything you knew, no longer do you know. I so get it and totally understand what you did. Even though it sounds like you punished him, you did really get her and you may have saved him from prolonged betrayal.
> Do what you need to do for yourself too be able to stand strong for your kids and to your husband.



I do understand. I have been there. And I still say, it is not the other woman that ruined years of trust. It is her husband who did that.


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## wellington (Jan 27, 2014)

Oh, yes, I totally agree with you, absolutely. 
What I also wanted too say. No matter what has happened, there is never, ever a reason for cheating!!! Never, ever. So don't let him blame you, your promotion or your busy schedule for his cheating and don't you either. It always takes two for a marriage to work or not work. It only takes one dirt bag that cheats to ruin EVERYTHING.


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## edwardbo (Jan 27, 2014)

the way i see it is you two have a lot invested in this relationship ,time , history, a home, beautiful kids and so much more.dont let go so easily,hang on to your man.....you said up untill a month ago things were good.get back to the place where you loved each other,life ,career,KIDS,and just living puts presure on the best of us.....i bet he never looked in her eyes or said he loved her,he loves you....maybe he had a small case of itchy **** syndrome,its very curable.love each other,what ever you two have is special,,only you two have it....i dont mean to sound cold or like a low life,but i truly think your investment is more important than his feble attempt to get some attention or feel titalated,your his woman make him feel like hes your man....as far as the other couple ,maybe you did them a faver,the dim witted guy was having the wool pulled over his eyes by this dbag.....the only ones that make out in divorce are the lawers,,,,and its ALWAYS THE CHILDREN THAT ARE HURT THE MOST.....think of it as a lapse in judjment on the part of your husband,he loves you and you love him,i dont think this was about love at all anyway.go on about your lives and love each other....pm me if you want.....and fellow tort lovers dont judge me to harshly.there is more at stake here than emotional snap decisions.


listen to my friend diamondbp,his words are gentler than mine but the sentiment is the same.


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## TiyahLove (Jan 28, 2014)

*Re: RE: Divorce :/*



Jacqui said:


> If you had punished her that would have been one thing, but you punished him. Your marriage is in crumbles because of YOU (as you admit), YOUR husband, and this woman, not that poor man or your children. If fair is fair, should she get her revenge on you by telling your children? No because like the other guy, they should be allowed to not be drawn into this mess. This moment of revenge was sweet to you from what you said earlier. You seemed very proud of your behavior. You do not start to repair and rebuild a marriage, but destroying another marriage. In my opinion, you have become as much of a homewrecker as this lady was. Plus it seems your wanting to forgive your husband who was half of this issue, but not the lady who did the other half? I am not sensing you can really forgive your husband. May I ask where is his dose of punishment like you gave out to the lady?



You obviously did not understand what I was saying. This woman knew me on a personal level. She knew I had children and I am married to him. She jeopardized my relationship with my husband and his relationship with MY CHILDREN. She is a homewrecker and her newly formed marriage doesn't mean a thing to me. She should have been the bigger person and said no instead of WRECKING MY HOME. My home of 20 years has been a living hell for me the past week and a half due to her and my husband fooling around. It's not all her fault but she should have said NO LIKE ANY CARING PERSON WOULD ESPECIALLY ONE THAT KNOWS ME ON A PERSONAL LEVEL. 

Sorry for the rudeness but I felt you where being rude to me calling me a homewrecker. She has done more damage than I did to her.


And I never said it was her husband's fault or my childrens. I was NOT blaming my children or her husband for my husband and her careless bs.


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## Tom (Jan 28, 2014)

Frankly, none of this is any of our business, and I'm not sure why you'd take it public like this.

However, I subscribe to the theory "three A's" as deal breakers. Abuse (as in physical), Alcohol (or drugs), and Adultery. Marriage is a life long bond to be taken seriously. Nobody ever said "in sickness and in health for all eternity, or unless I get bored with the monotony of day to day life..."

Your husband made a bad decision. In doing so he threw away all that was sacred between you. To allow yourself to be a door mat is NOT setting a good example for your children. If the children are what matters here, and I think they matter most, you should be giving them an example of what happens when someone tramples the sanctity of marriage. Do you want your children to marry some @$$-hole, and get cheated upon? Kids marry people just like their parents. If you tolerate this behavior, you are sending a message that this behavior should be tolerated.

As for you accepting some responsibility in this, that is NONSENSE! Every marriage has tough times. Every marriage gets "boring". That is not an excuse to go "entertaining" yourself sexually outside your marriage. Are you HEARING what you are saying here?

Buck up woman. Find your inner strength. Do what is right and set the example that you feel is right for your children. This is not a time to let weakness or fearfulness dictate your actions. You have worth, and you deserve to be treated well.


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## lisa127 (Jan 28, 2014)

Well said, Tom. All of it.


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## Yvonne G (Jan 28, 2014)

I also believe that this is no place for this thread. If you need to talk about the hard times you're going through, find a close friend or family member. I don't think a tortoise Forum, or any open forum for that matter, is the place for such a personal and heart-breaking problem to be aired.


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## TiyahLove (Jan 28, 2014)

*Re: RE: Divorce :/*



Yvonne G said:


> I also believe that this is no place for this thread. If you need to talk about the hard times you're going through, find a close friend or family member. I don't think a tortoise Forum, or any open forum for that matter, is the place for such a personal and heart-breaking problem to be aired.



Yeah you're right. I just wanted advice that wasn't sugar coated like it would be from a close friend or family member and i knew the people on the forum would tell me their personal opinions from their experiences and I needed the advice because i have never experienced anything like this before. I hate when people sugar coat things, but you are right I shouldn't make it so public.


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## TortsNTurtles (Jan 28, 2014)

I am sorry you are going through this and I can understand reaching out to others who are not personally involved or know either of you to seek support and advice. When friends and family are involved they can take up an offense and the situation can get worse. I would be glad to help if you need to talk or just an ear to listen. You can pm me . anytime. 
Adulatory is a sin because it destroys people and families. It breaks my heart to see you going through this I can't imagine how God feels. I agree with Tom you are not to blame with his choice. We should forgive but that does not mean take the blame. Everyone is responsible for their actions. That is a serious choice he made with great consequences. 
I know you are hurting and would glad to help. (( hugs))


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## wellington (Jan 28, 2014)

TortsNTurtles said:


> I am sorry you are going through this and I can understand reaching out to others who are not personally involved or know either of you to seek support and advice. When friends and family are involved they can take up an offense and the situation can get worse. I would be glad to help if you need to talk or just an ear to listen. You can pm me . anytime.
> Adulatory is a sin because it destroys people and families. It breaks my heart to see you going through this I can't imagine how God feels. I agree with Tom you are not to blame with his choice. We should forgive but that does not mean take the blame. Everyone is responsible for their actions. That is a serious choice he made with great consequences.
> I know you are hurting and would glad to help. (( hugs))



I agree with this. I understand why you would come to a place like this. I totally get it. Those who don't, most likely never experienced it.


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## TiyahLove (Jan 28, 2014)

I thank everyone giving me advice and the extra support it need. I've never experienced something like this before and I don't know what to do. I wanted advice and opinions from everyone who has experienced something like this and it gave me a view of what I can do to help myself get through this no matter what the outcome is. My main objective is to make sure my kids are happy and that their father and I can find a solution to work through it together or if separation would be the best option. Either way hearing everyone else's stories and views on it all has given me a better perspective on what I should try to do to make the situation better.


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## Elohi (Jan 28, 2014)

I totally see everyone's point. And I will say that if I were in her shoes, I may have done the same, as far as calling the other woman's husband. But I also would be kicking my husband out and filing for divorce. Trust is an extremely difficult thing to mend. My own past experiences have taught me that. But if they think they can rebuild the trust, then they should try. If it's TRULY a mutual want. I still wish you the best OP!


Well said Tom.


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## kathyth (Jan 28, 2014)

I completely agree with many and ditto to Tom's message.
Do not accept the unacceptable.
Send a message, loud and clear for everyone's sake.

Good luck to you!


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## TommyZ (Jan 28, 2014)

Ive only been married 3 years, and even in that short time I can tell ya, it requires work, bending,flexibility, and in your case forgiveness too....if YOU want it. Perhaps I am more forgiving than others but I have been cheated on in a past relationship and frankly we talked over it moved on and I actually stayed together over two years after the fact, although this was of course not my wife, so a tad different. 

With my wife, we had a time of some turbulance, spent a month apart...then realized the place we belonged was right where we were to start with....together. 

Conversely, it could have wound up the other way and wed of split....what i can tell ya is, none of what any of us here can tell you can really be directly applied to you. I'll never be your husband none of us will ever be his wife, none of us will ever share the things you shared together. 

It is in my opinion, that if you feel within yourself that you can forgive him and move on I wouldn't hold it against you. People do all kinds of stupid things all the time without thinking about the consequences. You can forgive him great if not also great, you need to look inside yourself and try to figure what you can and can't live with or without. Some people say it's just sex others say it's the worst way to hurt someone, only you can decide which side of the line you stand on.

I know its cliche, but hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me....


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## TiyahLove (Jan 28, 2014)

He bought me a bouquet of roses and a card saying he's sorry and what not. I kept the card.
About an hour later I caught my daughter and son feeding the tortoises something red. Come to find out they where my roses. Lol. Went and told the hubby we had a good laugh for a while and he told me "Well at least you and the tortoises enjoyed them while they lasted" 
I enjoyed how the kids and my little ones gave my husband and I a distraction from what is going on for a little while.


It was nice for the little break and I think it gave my husband a better grip on the situation realizing what he put on the line and could have lost. Afterwords we sat down and talked about the subject for a long time and he reassured me that he does want to work everything out between us and he knows it could take forever to mend what he broke, but he is willing to take the time to make it happen.


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## Jacqui (Jan 28, 2014)

Just a side note, flowers from the florist should not be given to your tortoises. They use chemicals on them.


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## T33's Torts (Jan 28, 2014)

^^^^^


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## TiyahLove (Jan 28, 2014)

They weren't from a florist. He got them from one of our close friends. I get flowers from him all the time for the tortoises. Don't worry before I started buying flowers from him for this reason I made 100% sure they're all natural with no chemicals or nasty stuff. (He always brands one of the stems with his initials so I know they came from him) he and his wife garden year round. His set up is amazing. He has an addition to his house that's almost like a green house. He has a glass roof for natural sunlight and he has tons of tube uvb lights.

I think he's a member on here too not sure though. He has 5 leopard tortoises that he gardens for as well. 

Hey! I know all this stuff which is why I'm extra careful about what I feed my babies. As soon as I got the flowers I was curious where he got them lol. Which is why I didn't flip my lid when I saw the kids feeding the torts roses.


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## mike taylor (Jan 28, 2014)

Well it sounds like everything is gonna work out .


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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Jan 28, 2014)

I left my 2 nd ex wife for 6 months I called her and told her missed my kids and I would pay for what I did ! She said how long would I pay well for 3 years everything ended with you cheated on me , so at the end of 3 years of herring her say the same thing every day for the whole time I SAID GOOD BYE and started a life without the wife !


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## milkandsam (Jan 28, 2014)

I really hope everything works out for you. I am just hoping he doesn't break your heart again.


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## bettinge (Jan 28, 2014)

I should probably keep my mouth shut, but what the heck, it's a tortoise forum!

Your husbands girlfriend did not cheat on you, your husband did! It's him you need to reconcile with. Temptation does not end with this one woman, it ends with his desire to be with other woman! Fix that, not the other woman. 

So your tortoise ate rose petals? Really, I never tried them.


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## TiyahLove (Jan 28, 2014)

*Re: RE: Divorce :/*



bettinge said:


> I should probably keep my mouth shut, but what the heck, it's a tortoise forum!
> 
> Your husbands girlfriend did not cheat on you, your husband did! It's him you need to reconcile with. Temptation does not end with this one woman, it ends with his desire to be with other woman! Fix that, not the other woman.
> 
> So your tortoise ate rose petals? Really, I never tried them.



Yes it's his fault and hers as well. She used to be a Co worker and knew I was with him with children. Yes I realize a lot of those things and we have both taken the first step in working forward not just for ourselves but children to and we both know that either one of us could step out of the relationship at any time. 

Yes my little ones love roses. I give them to them on ocassion. Make sure they are naturally grown with no chemicals like Jaqui said, I get mine from someone that grows them for the public and his animals at home so I know they don't have chemicals.


And in our counseling session today we got to the bottom of our problems and where the temptation came from in the first place. 
I'm just glad he took the initiative to start to work on the problems he has caused and how he plans on mending it all. He knows it won't happen over night and I am glad he understands that. He says he knows it may take forever but he will take as long as it needs to repair the damage. I'm hurt, but as anything does it gets better with time. Divorce or not it will get better and I will continue to keep my head held high for myself and my children.


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## goReptiles (Jan 28, 2014)

My dad cheated on my mom when I was like 9 or so. It was he** for a LONG time. She told the other woman's husband or somehow my mom and that guy chatted about the whole ordeal. My parents stayed together. It seemed fine. They both said they wanted to fix things.

Fast forward to a few years ago when I was about 24. He cheated again with my then best friend who was 26. He told me that the marriage had been dead and he had not been happy for years. He was only there for me and my handicapped brother. My friend divorced her husband, and months later found out she was pregnant. My dad divorced my mom. The two married, and I have a two year old sister. 

The point being. My mom never trusted him again. Neither were happy only thought they were happy. It was merely survival. 

My mom is much happier now, or appears to be. My dad seems the same as always; he can be hard to read and since I don't live with him can't truly assess his relationship. He's much more possessive over his new wife than he ever appeared to be over my mom. 

It is worth trying for the kids, but the kids can't be the reason why you want to stay together. I've been the kid in the situation. My parents were together for about 26+ years before they realized enough was enough.

You have to be able to forgive both parties or you will never be able to move forward. I've been cheated on too and until you can forgive both people, it will always been on the back of your mind even if he never talks to the other person again. Temptation is everywhere. You have to be comfortable with you and him regardless. 

Good luck


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## jennanne (Jan 28, 2014)

From the view point of a child who went through a parents divorce, I have to say it was horrible. But, four years later ALL of our lives are better, not just my parents. I know it's none of my business, but sometimes it's better to have a happy home even if the parents are separated. I love both my parents with all my heart, and even though it sucked, I'm glad it happened, just a thought.


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## dds7155 (Jan 28, 2014)

My wife puts up with all my toys , and i Love her ,she never complained when i would bring home another pair of blue and Golds or a pair of greys , when i wasn't able to hand feed some babies ,she would pack them off to work and feed them through the day and night, these day she always ask me if the tortoises need anything,,and the flip side ,i support her in what ever she is doing ,marriage takes both people ,, dont give up ,,


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## jjnks kids (Jan 28, 2014)

Sorry. I really wish the best for you both.


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