# how does one find the grit



## RV's mom (May 28, 2011)

(courage?) to visit an old friend who is dying?

I've worked with this lady for almost 20 years. She came to our hospital (from on the other side of phoenix) because this is her home. She is now on palliative care and I don't think she'll last long - she is so tired. Of course, I'm at work and I want to see her, but I near her room and the emotions just flood.........

How do I keep them in check while I visit? I don't mind having an utter nervous breakdown when I get home.... but not here, not at work, not with my friend.

ah the tears. gotta stop them.


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## Maggie Cummings (May 28, 2011)

You find the strength to walk in the door for HER, not for you. Just take a deep breath and open the door. You'll do fine. I'm sure she needs the support from her friends. I know I would...


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## Kristina (May 28, 2011)

I don't know the answer to your question, other than I am sure no matter what, your presence will mean a lot to her. Please accept my condolences.


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## DixieParadise (May 28, 2011)

I think for her just to see a familiar face would mean the world to her. You are at work, so you deal with keeping your emotions in check everyday. You will do fine, just open the door and see what happens. If it gets too tough, you can always excuse yourself because you have to get back to your other duties.


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## CtTortoiseMom (May 28, 2011)

It's like stage fright once the curtain lifts you will be fine. The real courage comes in stepping across the threshold to see your friend. Sadly, I am speaking from experience. Crying in front of your friend wouldn't be the end of the world either, it would show your love for her. I am terribly sorry for you and your friend for having to go through this.


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## Isa (May 28, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear about your friends . I am sure that you will find the strenght to go see her and talk to her. Even if you cry in front of her, I am sure she is going to be very happy to see you in those very hard moments.


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## bikerchicspain (May 29, 2011)

I remember my old nan ( bless her) saying to me when my grandfather died that I should not cry, 
When we cry it is not for the person who is dying or who has passed on , but for us because we shall miss them and never see them again,

She said instead of crying we should celebrate the life of that person and give them a good send off.

I am not a religious person, but I do believe their is life after death, whether it's being reborn as a human, animal or a star,

I often look at the stars and chat with my nan, and think that I hope she is proud of me and that I will see her again, but mean while she is watching and guiding me..

When you go and see this person, think of the happy times you had together, take some photos that you could share and laugh about.
Don't think of death but as a new life is about to begin..


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## ALDABRAMAN (May 29, 2011)

Just go and remember the good/positive.


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## RV's mom (May 30, 2011)

Thank you all for your positive messages - I needed every one of them. I did see her on Saturday and had a tough time keeping it together. Saw Freya again this morning, a much better visit.. easier for me........... I'll see Freya on and off as the day progresses and plan to visit her when she is moved out of our facility. I've worked with Freya for almost 20 years and she is one of my 'mother figures'.. My mom died back in 79 (she was 53). I have 3 mother figures left - not that I consciously collect them. Freya, my Aunt Dee and my mom-in-law. Of these, Freya is youngest of those 3, at 79. And she was working full time (up until a few months ago) here at the hospital, running rings around all the younger therapists.

Again, my thanks

teri


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## Isa (May 30, 2011)

I am so happy that you went visit her and that it is getting ''easier'' for you. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Terry Allan Hall (May 30, 2011)

sharkstar said:


> (courage?) to visit an old friend who is dying?
> 
> I've worked with this lady for almost 20 years. She came to our hospital (from on the other side of phoenix) because this is her home. She is now on palliative care and I don't think she'll last long - she is so tired. Of course, I'm at work and I want to see her, but I near her room and the emotions just flood.........
> 
> ...



Share your feelings w/ your friend...honest emotion is NEVER something to be ashamed of or to hide.

Let her know she is cherished.


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## Tom (May 30, 2011)

I don't have any advice for you. Just wanted to say I understand and I wish you well...


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## dmmj (May 30, 2011)

It is hard to offer advice on something like this since I believe everyone handles it differently. I handle tragedy believe it or not with humor and comedy (I know shocking) The night my dad died my family was gathered around and within minutes of him dying I had my entire family laughing, I was commenting on what he would be thinking being left like this, and such nonsense but I know it helped my family (plus I am sure it was weird to hear people laughing in the intensive care unit. I know if I were in your friends place, I would want to see my family and friends no matter how they handled it, just to know that they cared enough to visit me would make all the difference to me personally.


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## pugsandkids (May 30, 2011)

I'm glad you are visiting. Tears are not a bad thing, your friend is lucky to have you by her side.


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## RV's mom (Jun 3, 2011)

My friend goes to Hospice today. It is close to where I work, easy to get to. She wanted to stay here, is afraid noone will visit her. I plan to see her as much as possible. Thanks everyone for your support and comments. You've made a difference for me.

teri


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## Isa (Jun 3, 2011)

I am sure she feels relieved to know you are going to go visit her  How is she doing?


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## RV's mom (Jun 3, 2011)

weak. wan - colorless. it was good to see her, spend a little time. I'll stop by tomorrow on the way to work.


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## CtTortoiseMom (Jun 3, 2011)

When the end was nearing for my grandmother she chose to come home and the hospice nurses worked with us around the clock for 3 weeks to keep her comfortable.
They were the most amazingly kind and supportive people! I don't know how they do what they do! You are a great friend and she is lucky to have you.


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## RV's mom (Jun 4, 2011)

she has no one at home, apparently. we're her family, her coworkers. Saw her this morning, she smiled, took some water. I'll visit on the way home from work, play some music on the CD and take her thru some guided imagery.... Freya loved to travel and take pictures. So I'll take her on a trip of my home state - Michigan. There are some beautiful places in MI..


teri


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## RV's mom (Jun 6, 2011)

never got to take that mental trip thru michigan. Freya was not aware I was there......

I visited yesterday morning early. Altho Freya wasn't aware of her surroundings, I held her hand, talked to her and played some Danny Wright (new age piano - nice stuff). I left the disk to be played/replayed. Freya passed away last night around 715p. Hospice will add the music to their collection for patient/family use.

thanks again for the support and suggestions

hugs to all

teri


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## Isa (Jun 6, 2011)

O no, I am so sorry to hear the bad news Teri. RIP Freya


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