# You know you have a tortoise when...



## KarenSoCal (Jul 25, 2020)

Your sink is full of endive!




How do *you *know??


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## Maro2Bear (Jul 25, 2020)

When we go to our local International Market for our *own* produce and the clerks ask “*No bags of dandelion today for you?”*


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## Blackdog1714 (Jul 25, 2020)

You stop to pick weeds while walking!


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## Maro2Bear (Jul 26, 2020)

You know you have a tortoise when *“ you search the flower catalog seed sales for tort friendly grasses!” * 
Like this:

 https://www.americanmeadows.com/gra...073877624194846768173459514903114569307965188


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## Helen Ruff (Jul 26, 2020)

You save a fortune on yoga and meditation therapies just by pulling up a chair and watching them for hours .....and end up feeling so relaxed and ‘zen’


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## Viola B (Jul 26, 2020)

You plant a weed garden in your backyard.


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## OkAdiza (Jul 26, 2020)

You are always asking friends or neighbors if they treat their yard with any chemicals because you keep noticing their good weeds.


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## Srmcclure (Jul 26, 2020)

Your husband offered to dart out of the car to grab a weed you noticed on the side of the road


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## Toddrickfl1 (Jul 26, 2020)

Your cupboard consists of one bag of sugar, a pack of ramen noodles, 27 bags of dried weeds/flowers and 20lbs of Mazuri.


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## Srmcclure (Jul 26, 2020)

Toddrickfl1 said:


> Your cupboard consists of one bag of sugar, a pack of ramen noodles, 27 bags of dried weeds/flowers and 20lbs of Mazuri.


So glad I'm not the only one!


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## Golden Greek Tortoise 567 (Jul 26, 2020)

Everyone around the neighborhood asks you why you don’t bother to do anything about the weeds growing in you’re backyard.


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## Tom (Jul 26, 2020)

You know you have a tortoise when...

...You have an argument with your wife about pulling the beautiful giant broadleaf plantain plant in your back yard just as it was beginning to go to seed.

...You are sitting at dinner with friends and continually finding and removing yet another glochid from your finger, forearm, torso, ankle, etc...

...You notice every mulberry tree on every car ride going any where every day.

...You notice every stand of spineless opuntia cactus on every car ride going any where every day, and have to stop and cut some pads from the ones you don't already have.

...You seriously want to vomit as you walk down the aisle of pesticides, weed killers, and other toxic lawn chemicals at the hardware store. Blechhhh!

...Every plastic tub you see is either a new hide box or potential soaking tub. Or a food mixing tub. Or a baby enclosure.

...Your new daily hobby is hunting and killing the horde of gophers that is trying their level best to destroy all the foods you've been planting for your tortoises. {Best Bill Murray impression voice} "Oh Mister Gopher..."

...You want to cry when said gophers dig under your newly planted anti-gopher plant, and eat the roots of your new "gopher repelling" plant. Not kidding here, as I mutter profanities under my breath and feed that rodent's relatives to my hawks and snakes. With extreme prejudice.


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## Toddrickfl1 (Jul 26, 2020)

Tom said:


> You know you have a tortoise when...
> 
> ...You have an argument with your wife about pulling the beautiful giant broadleaf plantain plant in your back yard just as it was beginning to go to seed.
> 
> ...


"

"Every plastic tub you see is either a new hide box or potential soaking tub. Or a food mixing tub."

Lol I can relate to this.


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## Turtulas-Len (Jul 26, 2020)

When you keep a snow shovel and broom just outside the back door all year.


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## Blackdog1714 (Jul 26, 2020)

Your neighbors don’t treat and save you their weeds!


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## Srmcclure (Jul 26, 2020)

Your nana wants you to paint her cement tortoise for her garden like her "grand-tortoise"


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## Tamihealey5163 (Jul 27, 2020)

You knock on strangers doors and ask if you can pull their weeds


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## KarenSoCal (Jul 27, 2020)

Tamihealey5163 said:


> You knock on strangers doors and ask if you can pull their weeds


Happy Birthday!


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## Peggy Sue (Jul 27, 2020)

When you plan most of your landscaping plants to be tortoise food


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## Unkapunka (Jul 27, 2020)

When you have boards at the bottom of your fence


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## iAmCentrochelys sulcata (Jul 27, 2020)

Steal family members shoe holder for your tortoise to soak.


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## AwwShucks (Jul 27, 2020)

Someone makes a joke about your tortoise outliving you for the 50th time


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## Peggy Sue (Jul 27, 2020)

You have more pictures of your tortoise on your phone then your children ??


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## Tom (Jul 27, 2020)

Peggy Sue said:


> You have more pictures of your tortoise on your phone then your children ??❤


Guilty. Very guilty...


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## Tom (Jul 27, 2020)

Tamihealey5163 said:


> You knock on strangers doors and ask if you can pull their weeds


Done that one many times...


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## Srmcclure (Jul 27, 2020)

Peggy Sue said:


> You have more pictures of your tortoise on your phone then your children ??❤


Omg I'm so glad it wasn't just me! ? I have been making a point to take more of him specifically because I came to this realization the other day ?


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## Chubbs the tegu (Jul 27, 2020)

When u buy a kitchen scale for the first time in ur life


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## Chubbs the tegu (Jul 27, 2020)

And they dont believe i need the gram measurements for a tortoise


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## Zeldee (Jul 27, 2020)

When you let your garden get overgrown with weeds and you start phographing everything so you can ID what is tort food! Lol


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## Cathie G (Jul 27, 2020)

Tamihealey5163 said:


> You knock on strangers doors and ask if you can pull their weeds


Happy birthday! My neighbor always asks me before he mows my yard. He once brought a turtle to me trying to save my tortoise. He thought my tortoise somehow escaped. But we were able to keep a little mid west paint from crossing our busy street before it was over with. It was so much fun. My neighbor isn't a stranger any more. The quirks of having a turdess.


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## Mystic_Queen (Llaria) (Jul 27, 2020)

When you send the kids out to raid neighbours gardens for there fresh non treated weeds you know your tortoise will love.


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## Tamihealey5163 (Jul 28, 2020)

AwwShucks said:


> Someone makes a joke about your tortoise outliving you for the 50th time


RIGHT?!!! Same answer every time... definitely an heirloom


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## Sleppo (Jul 28, 2020)

when you get excited over good looking tort poop!


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## Mystic_Queen (Llaria) (Jul 28, 2020)

Sleppo said:


> when you get excited over good looking tort poop!


I know right haha. Who would have thought someone can get excited over poop ? Glad I’m not only one lol


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## Maro2Bear (Jul 28, 2020)

You know you have a tortoise when your spouse asks “*are all of the greens in the fridge for Sully, or can I use a few in tonight’s salad?” *


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## Mystic_Queen (Llaria) (Jul 28, 2020)

Maro2Bear said:


> You know you have a tortoise when your spouse asks “*are all of the greens in the fridge for Sully, or can I use a few in tonight’s salad?” *


Haha. Luckily I don’t have that issue. ?? Just me my tort and my dragon.


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## Cathie G (Jul 28, 2020)

Mystic_Queen said:


> I know right haha. Who would have thought someone can get excited over poop ? Glad I’m not only one lol


Join the crowd! I think there's a bunch of us.?


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## DWeathers (Jul 28, 2020)

When you get a baby Sulcata tattoo.


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 28, 2020)

....You weigh 270 pounds, but your shopping cart is full of fresh fruits and vegetables.


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## turtlebean (Jul 28, 2020)

... people show you pictures of their kids and you can’t help but think how much cuter they would be as tortoises


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## ZEROPILOT (Jul 28, 2020)

turtlebean said:


> ... people show you pictures of their kids and you can’t help but think how much cuter they would be as tortoises


That's rough


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## MichaelL (Jul 28, 2020)

When you look at a weed-filled yard and think of the endless food supply..


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## Viola B (Jul 28, 2020)

You know you have a tortoise.....

When you get rid of furniture to make way for a bigger indoor enclosure.


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## KarenSoCal (Jul 28, 2020)

Viola B said:


> You know you have a tortoise.....
> 
> When you get rid of furniture to make way for a bigger indoor enclosure.


Yep! I now have not one, but two 4ftx2ft enclosures...in my living room!


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## janevicki (Jul 28, 2020)

Tom said:


> You know you have a tortoise when...
> 
> ...Your new daily hobby is hunting and killing the horde of gophers that is trying their level best to destroy all the foods you've been planting for your tortoises. {Best Bill Murray impression voice} "Oh Mister Gopher..."
> 
> ...You want to cry when said gophers dig under your newly planted anti-gopher plant, and eat the roots of your new "gopher repelling" plant. Not kidding here, as I mutter profanities under my breath and feed that rodent's relatives to my hawks and snakes. With extreme prejudice.


You need a wolf-hybird, to patrol your yard. He will get rid of your voles real quick!


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## Mons (Jul 28, 2020)

When you don't have a will but you have a verbal promise from your nieces to take care of your tortoise after you kick the bucket.


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## janevicki (Jul 28, 2020)

When your back yard is full of tortoise and turtle pens.... and the remaining areas are vegetable patches for them. ?


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## tortoisenana (Jul 29, 2020)

When your local grocery thinks you feed your (human) children an awful lot of organic greens!


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## Sara Huber (Jul 29, 2020)

Srmcclure said:


> Your nana wants you to paint her cement tortoise for her garden like her "grand-tortoise"


 Oh. My. Gosh. We inherited a cement tortoise from my husband's grandparents and we had it for years before even considering getting a tortoise of our own! ! What a great idea!


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## Stacedan88 (Jul 29, 2020)

Mons said:


> When you don't have a will but you have a verbal promise from your nieces to take care of your tortoise after you kick the bucket.



Haha i have to 100% agree with this one. My niece got me to make this same promise when i got my little guy had only had him for 5 hours at the time ?


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## Sara Huber (Jul 29, 2020)

You have yet another bowl on your kitchen counter to collect snacks during meal preps... one for worm bin, one for rabbits, one for chickens, and now one for tortoise!


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## Sara Huber (Jul 29, 2020)

Stacedan88 said:


> Haha i have to 100% agree with this one. My niece got me to make this same promise when i got my little guy had only had him for 5 hours at the time ?


My five year old is begging us to put in our will that SHE gets to care for the tortoise when he outlives us!


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## shellcior (Jul 29, 2020)

Of course I landscape the backyard to suit my boy Tank. I have a camera in his "building" to watch out for him. I installed locks on my gate to keep intruders OUT! And during Hurricane Harvey, I did not sleep for almost 3 days while the 45 inches of rain came down so I could evacuate Tank if the water came up to the house. I live by myself so I was afraid to sleep for fear of flash flooding and the bayou down the street coming over it's banks as it was FULL!! That was the scariest 3 days of my life!!!!!


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## Nash (Jul 29, 2020)

When the only company you have are here only to see the Sully.


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## Melymann (Jul 29, 2020)

When your kids can’t play in the sandbox because it’s been transformed into an outdoor tortoise enclosure!


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## Toddrickfl1 (Jul 29, 2020)

When you have to pay a plumber to unclog your bathtub drain because it's clogged with Tort Poo.


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## Lwilliams (Jul 29, 2020)

You’re known to the neighborhood as the crazy lady who forages weeds everywhere.

Your family gets tired of me shouting “prickly pear cactus!” every time we drive by one.


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## nicoleann2214 (Jul 29, 2020)

You pick millions of dandelions whenever wherever ????


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## jksmith100 (Jul 29, 2020)

When you dream of building a bigger indoor enclosure and think, "do we really need a couch and coffee table?"

When you tell your wife that what you really want for Christmas is a laser temp gun. And 20 pounds of bark.

When you have family conversations about ultraviolet light and the thermodynamics of heat spreading out from a lamp.


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## jksmith100 (Jul 29, 2020)

... when you have to periodically remind your son to make sure your pet didn't get wedged again


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## NorCal tortoise guy (Jul 29, 2020)

When you realize you know the grocery store code for cactus pad by hart 4558 haha


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## Mystic_Queen (Llaria) (Jul 29, 2020)

When you walk down the street and randomly shout DANDELION PLANT ?. Keep in mind I’m on my own. So everyone must think I’m absolutely bonkers. I just say it’s for my tea to add to the lovely salad greens. I get a shocked look ???.


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## KarenSoCal (Jul 29, 2020)

shellcior said:


> Of course I landscape the backyard to suit my boy Tank. I have a camera in his "building" to watch out for him. I installed locks on my gate to keep intruders OUT! And during Hurricane Harvey, I did not sleep for almost 3 days while the 45 inches of rain came down so I could evacuate Tank if the water came up to the house. I live by myself so I was afraid to sleep for fear of flash flooding and the bayou down the street coming over it's banks as it was FULL!! That was the scariest 3 days of my life!!!!!


Sometimes being all alone is terrifying. When everyone (pets) depend on you for their safety. I empathize with you.


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## newCH (Jul 29, 2020)

When you refer to your tort as your " Reptile Son "


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## Maggie3fan (Jul 30, 2020)

Your yard is over full with blooming plants, and 3 large grape vines that you use as tortoise food not decoration


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## Maro2Bear (Jul 30, 2020)

You know you own a tortoise when “*your next door neighbor brings a beautiful bowl of day old hardy hibiscus blooms for Sully!” *


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## Mystic_Queen (Llaria) (Jul 30, 2020)

When you find yourself doing veggie patches and weed patches and gardening that you have never done before ?


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## Golden Greek Tortoise 567 (Jul 30, 2020)

Mystic_Queen said:


> When you find yourself doing veggie patches and weed patches and gardening that you have never done before ?


All the poisonous weeds in my backyard are constantly being pulled, so my backyard is now a tort safe zone! ?


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## Amie.M (Jul 30, 2020)

When your kids roll their eyes at the amazon delivery and say “oh no more tortoise crap” ??


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## janevicki (Jul 30, 2020)

Amar said:


> When your kids roll their eyes at the amazon delivery and say “oh no more tortoise crap” ??❤


 You mean like this? 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B088KFDZJ2/?tag=exoticpetnetw-20

or this: 
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079NC5H1M/?tag=exoticpetnetw-20

I love this kinda cramp... (well maybe not the halter, but it was interesting).....


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## Zoeclare (Jul 31, 2020)

jksmith100 said:


> When you dream of building a bigger indoor enclosure and think, "do we really need a couch and coffee table?"
> 
> When you tell your wife that what you really want for Christmas is a laser temp gun. And 20 pounds of bark.
> 
> When you have family conversations about ultraviolet light and the thermodynamics of heat spreading out from a lamp.


I got a thermostat for my birthday ?


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## Amie.M (Jul 31, 2020)

janevicki said:


> You mean like this?
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/dp/B088KFDZJ2/?tag=exoticpetnetw-20
> 
> ...





janevicki said:


> You mean like this?
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/dp/B088KFDZJ2/?tag=exoticpetnetw-20
> 
> ...


I might have to invest in the ninja turtle sign for his outdoor enclosure ?


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## Blackdog1714 (Aug 1, 2020)

This was a Birthday gift and it is on the front gate now! The wife has realy hit her goofy gift giving stride!


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## Maggie3fan (Aug 6, 2020)

Blackdog1714 said:


> This was a Birthday gift and it is on the front gate now! The wife has realy hit her goofy gift giving stride!
> View attachment 301897


I like your wife. That's a great gift...your wife has awesome taste!!!


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## Peggy Sue (Dec 8, 2020)

When your co-workers make a cover for you daily work schedule using a picture of said baby ??


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## Krista S (Dec 8, 2020)

Peggy Sue said:


> When your co-workers make a cover for you daily work schedule using a picture of said baby ??



That is so thoughtful of your coworkers to do that!! It’s so cute!


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## Peggy Sue (Dec 8, 2020)

Krista S said:


> That is so thoughtful of your coworkers to do that!! It’s so cute!


It was so nice! It makes me smile when I look at ?


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## shellcior (Dec 8, 2020)

Blackdog1714 said:


> This was a Birthday gift and it is on the front gate now! The wife has realy hit her goofy gift giving stride!
> View attachment 301897


I have this as well and bought one for a friend who has torts too! love these signs!


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## Maggie3fan (Dec 8, 2020)

I look out my bedroom window to see my birdbath overturned. I figure it was a cat trying to get the birds. But this is what I found when I went out to straighten it out...This is what I saw. It's stuff like this that lets me know I have TORTOISE lol


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## Liltortivert (Dec 8, 2020)

When you crawl across the dinner table to grab something on the other side because that's what your tortoise would do...

Fr tho, when you know a plant's nutritional value to a tortoise better than for yourself.


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## Chubbs the tegu (Dec 8, 2020)

maggie3fan said:


> I look out my bedroom window to see my birdbath overturned. I figure it was a cat trying to get the birds. But this is what I found when I went out to straighten it out...This is what I saw. It's stuff like this that lets me know I have TORTOISE lol
> View attachment 312580
> View attachment 312581


“Sick of these birds sh*tting all over me”


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## Chubbs the tegu (Dec 8, 2020)

You know you have a tortoise when... ur yelling at Tom to keep his falcons out of ur yard


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## Chubbs the tegu (Dec 8, 2020)

And his monitors, cougars, lions, crocs


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## JoesMum (Dec 9, 2020)

You go out for a pint of milk and come back with a pocket full of dandelions


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## shellcior (Dec 9, 2020)

I get constantly told at the store that I eat so healthy until I tell them, that's for my Tortoises, the Pop Tarts are for me. lol


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## JoesMum (Dec 9, 2020)

You’re always able to organise a salad to accompany whatever is for dinner


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## Herman_WA (Dec 11, 2020)

When your parents ask you for your Christmas list and everything on there is for your tort.


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## Skip K (Dec 11, 2020)

When you “represent” on yer Jeep....


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## Beachtherapy (Dec 11, 2020)

Helen Ruff said:


> You save a fortune on yoga and meditation therapies just by pulling up a chair and watching them for hours .....and end up feeling so relaxed and ‘zen’


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## Cathie G (Dec 11, 2020)

Mons said:


> When you don't have a will but you have a verbal promise from your nieces to take care of your tortoise after you kick the bucket.


I tried that one on my sons. Well ...since I want my darling Sapphire all to myself!... now I gotta live until my 90's+??


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## Cathie G (Dec 11, 2020)

JoesMum said:


> You’re always able to organise a salad to accompany whatever is for dinner


YEP .. I can do.?


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## FrankIinTheTortoise (Dec 11, 2020)

When he stares you in the eyes for 2 minutes


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