# Family fallouts



## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

Today my brother announced that his girlfriend was pregnant. To most people I get that this would sound like a good thing. I would normally be happy for a member of my family in this situation. My brother had a baby when he was fifteen. Now he is seventeen. I look after His daughter who is nearly two and he barely sees her. My stepmother is overjoyed by the news. He has always been spoiled but this is extreme. He only announced it this morning yet she is already talking about all the things she will buy. Last time he looked after his child for less than a month before he got bored and moved Spain. This year alone he has been arrested twice and has had more flings than I have had hot dinners. He has only been in this relationship for two months. What can I do. Apart from kill him.


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## Gillian M (Aug 12, 2016)

georgeandbessy said:


> Today my brother announced that his girlfriend was pregnant. To most people I get that this would sound like a good thing. I would normally be happy for a member of my family in this situation. My brother had a baby when he was fifteen. Now he is seventeen. I look after His daughter who is nearly two and he barely sees her. My stepmother is overjoyed by the news. He has always been spoiled but this is extreme. He only announced it this morning yet she is already talking about all the things she will buy. Last time he looked after his child for less than a month before he got bored and moved Spain. This year alone he has been arrested twice and has had more flings than I have had hot dinners. He has only been in this relationship for two months. What can I do. Apart from kill him.



Am terribly sorry to have heard such sad a story. I personally was shocked to hear that your brother's girlfriend had a child at such a young age.  And I'm wondering *WHY*.  

Frankly speaking I do not know what advise to give you. But please, please take it easy. Or at least try to: I for one know that things are easier said than done. And do not do anything you may later on regret. It'd be no good "crying over spilled milk" then.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

Gillian Moore said:


> Am terribly sorry to have heard such sad a story. I personally was shocked to hear that your brother's girlfriend had a child at such a young age.  And I'm wondering *WHY*.
> 
> Frankly speaking I do not know what advise to give you. But please, please take it easy. Or at least try to: I for one know that things are easier said than done. And do not do anything you may later on regret. It'd be no good "crying over spilled milk" then.


Well they didn't think about contraception apparently. My brother just wouldn't have thought about it and she had decided that my dad and stepmum was loaded and that there money would be going her way. When it didn't she gave up tabby so i have her now. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. It's not easy to stay calm with my brother. My dad had exactly the same opinion as me, though won't say anything to my stepmum for fear of his life.


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## Jodie (Aug 12, 2016)

Unfortunately we can't control others, only ourselves. God Bless you for caring for the child. They will be the most affected by his decisions.


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## wellington (Aug 12, 2016)

You can't do anything. Just don't let yourself turn out the same way, is all you can do. Listen, watch and learn. To put a good spin on it, you know what you don't want to do or be like, and have the example to remind you every day. Oh, you can also hope that eventually he grows up and straightens out.
Good luck and love the babies. None of this is his or her fault.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

wellington said:


> You can't do anything. Just don't let yourself turn out the same way, is all you can do. Listen, watch and learn. To put a good spin on it, you know what you don't want to do or be like, and have the example to remind you every day. Oh, you can also hope that eventually he grows up and straightens out.
> Good luck and love the babies. None of this is his or her fault.


I look after tabby full time which is his daughter but he just lets her down and she is way to young to understand. I couldn't bare it if another child has the same experiences it isn't fair. Don't worry there is n chance of me turning out the same. We have different mums so I think that made all the difference. And he was so spoiled when he was brought up as he was an only child until he was 11. The worst thing is that my little brother is turning out the same. Thanks for the advice


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## ZEROPILOT (Aug 12, 2016)

I feel for you.
My step son has two sons now that he can't and won't support.
The idiot can't even support himself.
My wife and I have spent far too long buying him everything he needed including cars that he quickly destroyed and cellphones, etc.
Now family members are taking care of his kids. He never visits or contributes a dime to them.
My wife (his mother) and I have decided to break ties with him.
Although we will continue to help with the kids in any way that we can, we live day to day without even mentioning his name.
He might one day be tired of sleeping on someones couch and washing dishes for a living and decide to man up.
Maybe he wont. In the meantime, he's on his own.
Protect yourself.
Most often when you try to lift someone up, they end up pulling you down instead.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> I feel for you.
> My step son has two sons now that he can't and won't support.
> The idiot can't even support himself.
> My wife and I have spent far too long buying him everything he needed including cars that he quickly destroyed and cellphones, etc.
> ...


I know that is exactly how I feel about my brother. I'm 19 I should be at uni not mopping up his messes. I have his kid two of this dogs and his guinea pigs. I can't say anything or cut ties with him as my stepmum would disown me. I don't think I could cope with another child if it ends up with me. I gave everything up for tabby and yet I just get constant grief that nothing I do is ever enough. What can I do


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## wellington (Aug 12, 2016)

Tuff love! Rehome the animals or claim them now as your own! Help the child but not your brother, no matter what! Talk to your step mom or your dad and ask what's wrong with this picture of me(you) picking up all the slack with the daughter. Maybe something better can be worked out that better for you.


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## ZEROPILOT (Aug 12, 2016)

You sound like a fine young man.
Wise and mature before your time.
It's an unfair situation right now for you.
I wish you the best.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

ZEROPILOT said:


> You sound like a fine young man.
> Wise and mature before your time.
> It's an unfair situation right now for you.
> I wish you the best.


Cheers but I'm a girl. My names Nellie. Thanks for your help I hope everything goes well with your step son.


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## ZEROPILOT (Aug 12, 2016)

georgeandbessy said:


> Cheers but I'm a girl. My names Nellie. Thanks for your help I hope everything goes well with your step son.


Well that doesn't change the unfair part.
It's not a good situation.
But you're not alone in being the responsible person in a sea of irresponsibility.
I'm sad for you.
Thanks


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

wellington said:


> Tuff love! Rehome the animals or claim them now as your own! Help the child but not your brother, no matter what! Talk to your step mom or your dad and ask what's wrong with this picture of me(you) picking up all the slack with the daughter. Maybe something better can be worked out that better for you.


I'm already on very thin ice with my stepmum. When I was twelve I went to live with my dad and stepmum but when I was 13 i went completely off the rails. I didn't calm down until I was 16. She didn't want me living there anyway as I barely saw my dad until I lived with him. She's kicked me out before so I think she would do it again. My dad works in Dubai most of the time so he doesn't see it. I do own the animals now so it just adds to the list of things to do. She still expects me to pay rent and go to work while I looking after her child her grand child and her house. Arrrrrr I can't cope anymore. 
Sorry for the rant


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## wellington (Aug 12, 2016)

If I were you, as long as your paying rent anyway, I would try to find a place to rent for you and the animals only.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

wellington said:


> If I were you, as long as your paying rent anyway, I would try to find a place to rent for you and the animals only.


And tabby


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## wellington (Aug 12, 2016)

Btw, if you are paying rent, and have proof you are paying rent, she can't legally kick you out, without doing it the legal way. The same way she would have to evict a stranger that was renting an apartment.


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## wellington (Aug 12, 2016)

georgeandbessy said:


> And tabby


If you can or want. You may want to look into getting some legal advice on getting some financial help from the father and mother of the child. They should not be allowed to skate by freely. There is free legal advice out there. Specially for going after dead beat dads


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

wellington said:


> Btw, if you are paying rent, and have proof you are paying rent, she can't legally kick you out, without doing it the legal way. The same way she would have to evict a stranger that was renting an apartment.


I need to do it in a way where I won't lose my dad. I've already lost my mum so this is my last family. In adopting tabby so where ever I go she will come 
Thank you for all the help


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## Big Charlie (Aug 12, 2016)

I'm so sorry for your situation. You've gotten great advice here. It sounds good that you are adopting Tabby. If you can move out with your animals and Tabby, but present it to your dad in a positive light, like you are trying to make things easier to your stepmother, things might be better all around.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

Big Charlie said:


> I'm so sorry for your situation. You've gotten great advice here. It sounds good that you are adopting Tabby. If you can move out with your animals and Tabby, but present it to your dad in a positive light, like you are trying to make things easier to your stepmother, things might be better all around.


Thank you. I will try my best I think I will move quite far way when I can afford it. I think it would be good for both me and tabby to have a fresh start. Sometimes I think one place can hold to many memories that you don't need. I'm not even sure if I need my family. I have my dad and stepmum and two brothers but I don't really get on with any of them


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## Big Charlie (Aug 12, 2016)

georgeandbessy said:


> Thank you. I will try my best I think I will move quite far way when I can afford it. I think it would be good for both me and tabby to have a fresh start. Sometimes I think one place can hold to many memories that you don't need. I'm not even sure if I need my family. I have my dad and stepmum and two brothers but I don't really get on with any of them


Don't cut off ties to your family. You don't have to be close but you shouldn't burn any bridges. I think you might regret it later. Your stepmum and dad should be allowed to see their grandchild, and your brother might get his act together when he grows up and want to be part of his child's life. A fresh start sounds good though. Tabby needs consistency in her life.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 12, 2016)

Big Charlie said:


> Don't cut off ties to your family. You don't have to be close but you shouldn't burn any bridges. I think you might regret it later. Your stepmum and dad should be allowed to see their grandchild, and your brother might get his act together when he grows up and want to be part of his child's life. A fresh start sounds good though. Tabby needs consistency in her life.


Your right I'm just wound up at the moment. Everything's about tabby so I would do anything to make her happy. It's weird I feel like a mum


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## Eric Phillips (Aug 12, 2016)

I'm just thankful you had the courage to share your situation with this group! From all the posts I've read, it looks like everyone is giving you excellent advice and want the very best for you and your family. I know how difficult it is to watch a sibling or step sibling living a destructive lifestyle. My step sister is a beautiful heroin addict, who calls her career modeling i.e (call girl), has a felony drug possession over head, and had a son a year ago placed in foster care because she can't stay clean. The father is unknown and Her son Michael had 4 different kinds of drugs found in his system when he was born. I spent many years thinking I could help change her.....wrong! She doesn't want to change right now. I told her I will always love her but will never support her addiction nor her people, places, and things until she decides to replace them. So I feel for you deeply! I've never lost hope or love that she will change and neither should you! I just know change will come when they so desire it. Best of luck on your journey and I am proud of you for taking responsibility of your life at such a young age!


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## Cowboy_Ken (Aug 13, 2016)

Nellie, 
You have received some very sound advice here. I,too, am most happy that you've found comfort and stability with your "TortoiseForum Family" enough to share this very real and personal aspect of your life. The strength you've shown by your dedication to Tabby is very admirable for a young woman. 
You mentioned that your father works often in Dubai, are you local to Dubai or in the area? I live in the state of Oregon on the Pacific Northwest coast of the USA. Often times it's difficult for westerners to fully understand the challenges faced by those who live in the Middle East so our advice can be off balance for someone living the true reality. 
I have a very dear friend and she lives in Jordan. She's a regular contributor here on the forum. Unfortunately for her, many westerners here don't understand the world she lives in. It is my relationship with her that I respond to you that you have strength and my full respect for carrying the load of your brothers life. Peace my Dear…


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 13, 2016)

Cowboy_Ken said:


> Nellie,
> You have received some very sound advice here. I,too, am most happy that you've found comfort and stability with your "TortoiseForum Family" enough to share this very real and personal aspect of your life. The strength you've shown by your dedication to Tabby is very admirable for a young woman.
> You mentioned that your father works often in Dubai, are you local to Dubai or in the area? I live in the state of Oregon on the Pacific Northwest coast of the USA. Often times it's difficult for westerners to fully understand the challenges faced by those who live in the Middle East so our advice can be off balance for someone living the true reality.
> I have a very dear friend and she lives in Jordan. She's a regular contributor here on the forum. Unfortunately for her, many westerners here don't understand the world she lives in. It is my relationship with her that I respond to you that you have strength and my full respect for carrying the load of your brothers life. Peace my Dear…


I live in England so I only see my dad once a month. Unfortunately I'm not allowed back to Dubai. When I was 16 I walk through a shopping centre in a bikini drinking a bottle of vodka in the middle of Ramadan. I got arrested and made quite a lot of noise. Instead of being tried and sentenced I was deported because of how young I was. Otherwise I would have loved to move over there with my dad.


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## leigti (Aug 13, 2016)

georgeandbessy said:


> I live in England so I only see my dad once a month. Unfortunately I'm not allowed back to Dubai. When I was 16 I walk through a shopping centre in a bikini drinking a bottle of vodka in the middle of Ramadan. I got arrested and made quite a lot of noise. Instead of being tried and sentenced I was deported because of how young I was. Otherwise I would have loved to move over there with my dad.


That story cracked me up. That would've got you arrested in this country to  i'm not trying to make light of your situation, just pointing out that little fact.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 13, 2016)

leigti said:


> That story cracked me up. That would've got you arrested in this country to  i'm not trying to make light of your situation, just pointing out that little fact.


Yes I'm not sure my dad or the authorities really saw the funny side. I was trying to wind my dad up for moving out there. It worked looking back it was probably a bad idea we all made mistakes when we were young


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 13, 2016)

leigti said:


> That story cracked me up. That would've got you arrested in this country to  i'm not trying to make light of your situation, just pointing out that little fact.


Oh and I wasn't trying to be offensive. I know it come across that way but I just wanted to get in trouble. I didn't really understand how seriously they would take it


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## leigti (Aug 13, 2016)

georgeandbessy said:


> Oh and I wasn't trying to be offensive. I know it come across that way but I just wanted to get in trouble. I didn't really understand how seriously they would take it


Well, maybe if you hadn't either worn a bikini, drink the vodka, or it wasn't Ramadan, you would not have been deported. But put the three together and it was pretty much guaranteed I guess.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 13, 2016)

leigti said:


> Well, maybe if you hadn't either worn a bikini, drink the vodka, or it wasn't Ramadan, you would not have been deported. But put the three together and it was pretty much guaranteed I guess.


Well after I did that I was in England and my dad was still in Dubai. This kinda irritated me so I posted my inmate image on his linked in and Facebook accounts.  ooooops. we all rebelled as a teen. Maybe not quite this badly. It could have been worse I could have had a baby at 15 like my brother. Can you imagine my family at the time. I did all this then two months later my brother announces that he got his girlfriend pregnant. . We should star in a comedy


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## leigti (Aug 14, 2016)

georgeandbessy said:


> Well after I did that I was in England and my dad was still in Dubai. This kinda irritated me so I posted my inmate image on his linked in and Facebook accounts.  ooooops. we all rebelled as a teen. Maybe not quite this badly. It could have been worse I could have had a baby at 15 like my brother. Can you imagine my family at the time. I did all this then two months later my brother announces that he got his girlfriend pregnant. . We should star in a comedy


My dad would have killed me! It would make a good sitcom. Or made-for-TV movie.


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## dmmj (Aug 14, 2016)

you can help people change their circumstances but you cannot change their lifestyle.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 14, 2016)

dmmj said:


> you can help people change their circumstances but you cannot change their lifestyle.


What do you mean


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 14, 2016)

leigti said:


> My dad would have killed me! It would make a good sitcom. Or made-for-TV movie.


Believe me I think he was close to murdering me in my sleep.  Fortunately I wasn't in the same country. he did send me to my grandmas in Scotland for three months. When he told her what happened she reckoned that I should have taken my bikini off and walked starkers through the mall I'm not sure that was what my dad wanted her to say


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## leigti (Aug 14, 2016)

Probably not. But that would have been interesting.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 14, 2016)

leigti said:


> Probably not. But that would have been interesting.


Can you imagine my dads face. What was the stupidest thing you did when you were growing up.


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## leigti (Aug 14, 2016)

I was a good kid, mostly. My sister kept things interesting though.


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## georgeandbessy (Aug 14, 2016)

leigti said:


> I was a good kid, mostly. My sister kept things interesting though.


What did she do


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