# If your tortoise could talk...



## Jacqui (Feb 6, 2015)

This question came to mind, because of the direction another thread took. This is a two part question...

1) What would be the very first thing you think your tortoise would say (not counting something like "Hi!") if your tortoise suddenly sat up and started speaking to you?

2) What would be the first question you would ask of him?

3) Would you tell anybody about this conversation?


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## dmmj (Feb 6, 2015)

I would not tell anyone, no one would believe me. I tell you he can talk, why won't anyone believe me? For some reason I can't explain, I don't think I could trust amything he says. Being a tortoise, first words would prob. be "feed me"


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## Heather H (Feb 6, 2015)

I would ask if he was happy. What I could change. heck yeah I would tell people. Maybe he could talk to others tortoises and help them. Like what a sick one was feeling? Why Jane bites. Why Fred won't poop?????


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## smarch (Feb 6, 2015)

I think his first words would either be "you're a weirdo" or "Will you stop with that caffeine!"

The very first thing I'd ask him is if he's now ok with being a pet (NOT mentioning the trip over here... I imagine that being a PTSD moment type thing) Then I'd ask if he likes his name or wants me to call him anything else. 

I wouldn't tell my family or friends but I'd certainly tell you guys!


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## Yellow Turtle01 (Feb 6, 2015)

1.





2. Figure out why he poops in the water dish.
3. No... don't think my people who think I'm crazy list can take any more


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## Prairie Mom (Feb 6, 2015)

I like these questions I actually had a whacky dream not very long ago that an animal spoke to me.--Yup! A crazy dream very similar to what you're proposing, Jacqui! I told my husband all about it. It was embarrassingly kind of a "deep" conversation, but it totally touched on the debates that people have on the forum regarding pets' "happiness" and the whole wild vs pet thing. I dreamed I was talking to one of the squirrels I rehabbed and released, and I was asking him about his life now. The overall gist of the crazy dream conversation was that he loved the freedom to choose for himself and the space to run and leap for miles, BUT on the long cold nights, he wished he were a pet again----I'm a dork and the dream kind of made me sad. I'll embarrassingly admit that the silly dream made me have some quiet and worried thoughts about the critters I've returned to the trees, and I hugged my tortoise a little tighter the next day.

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-I think my tortoise would first ask me why she's been stuck inside for so long, thus, forcing me to explain winter and the discomfort of extreme cold.
-Then I'd ask the same type of questions @Heather Hilliard would ask about their well-being and what more my Sulcata would want from me. Then, if she's still in a chatty mood, I'd make her help me plan her winter room enclosure.
-Yes-I'd tell my husband. Divorces are pretty expensive. I'd cross my fingers and hope he thinks I'm "dynamo" enough to compensate for the insanity.


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## Jodie (Feb 6, 2015)

I believe my Mort, at least would say something to the effect of, just feed me and leave me alone woman. I would ask him why he hates soaks so much and why he insists on falling asleep in his upstairs part with no night heat . i might not tell anyone. My husband already thinks i am crazy. Thankfully he still thinks it's a cute level of craziness, not sure how far i can push that. Lol


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## dmmj (Feb 6, 2015)

@Prairie Mom are those squirells with light sabers? Why, dear god why?


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## Prairie Mom (Feb 6, 2015)

dmmj said:


> @Prairie Mom are those squirells with light sabers? Why, dear god why?


I thought this is what everyone's squirrels did?


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## Prairie Mom (Feb 6, 2015)

dmmj said:


> @Prairie Mom are those squirells with light sabers? Why, dear god why?


I thought this is what everyone's squirrels did?


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## Team Gomberg (Feb 6, 2015)

1. Why did you move me from SoCal to Oregon?

2. Aren't you glad I kept you? I sent the others off to warmer places but I had to keep you. You're my favorite!

3. We actually had this conversation...and I'm telling you guys, so yes.


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## russian/sulcata/tortoise (Feb 6, 2015)

1. are you the food god?
2. do you love me?
3. dude if my tortoise started talking to me i wouldn't tell anyone! if i told my parents that my tortoise was talking to me they would probably get me drug tested.


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## wellington (Feb 6, 2015)

Team Gomberg said:


> 1. Why did you move me from SoCal to Oregon?
> 
> 2. Aren't you glad I kept you? I sent the others off to warmer places but I had to keep you. You're my favorite!
> 
> 3. We actually had this conversation...and I'm telling you guys, so yes.



I was wondering the same thing. I would have to have a talk myself with that Levi. Favorite =cold. Non favorite=warm. Something wrong here Levi


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## wellington (Feb 6, 2015)

Mine would say, who is this wacky Jacqui blowing our secret
Then they would say, open these freaking doors and let us out. Tatum would tell me to stop kissing his face non stop. I would ask them if they were happy, and happy to be here or not if they would rather live someplace else. If they said yes, I would tell them TOO BAD BAHAHAHA just kidding, I would have it a call into Cyan, Jeff, Kelly, Tom, Greg, Yvonne, hmmm and other warm state folk


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## Team Gomberg (Feb 6, 2015)

wellington said:


> I was wondering the same thing. I would have to have a talk myself with that Levi. Favorite =cold. Non favorite=warm. Something wrong here Levi


Hahahaha.... I'm soooooo selfish!

Warm weather will come back,... or so I'm told!


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## Momof4 (Feb 7, 2015)

1. Are we going outside today?
2. What would you like to eat today?
3. Hell, no! No one in my house gets it!


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## AZtortMom (Feb 8, 2015)

Mine would say:
When are we eating again?
When are we going out?
No more baths!!
Stop staring at me!!
And no, I would never tell anyone they started talking to me because they would think I started drinking again


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## Gillian M (Feb 9, 2015)

dmmj said:


> I would not tell anyone, no one would believe me. I tell you he can talk, why won't anyone believe me? For some reason I can't explain, I don't think I could trust amything he says. Being a tortoise, first words would prob. be "feed me"


 I to believe that if a tort were to talk, then it would firstly ask for....food.


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## Gillian M (Feb 9, 2015)

Jacqui said:


> This question came to mind, because of the direction another thread took. This is a two part question...
> 
> 1) What would be the very first thing you think your tortoise would say (not counting something like "Hi!") if your tortoise suddenly sat up and started speaking to you?
> 
> ...


 My tort would firstly ask for food, I think, and then would ask me to take it for "a walk" if it is nice and sunny.
I would ask mt tort: "Are you fine love?"


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## jeffjeff (Feb 9, 2015)

i'd ask him why he try's to bite. i think he'd answer "because your daft enough to stick your hand in front of me, and because i can durr", followed by some evil type laugh and a demand for food. yer i'd tell people they already think i'm crazy so why not.


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## Jacqui (Feb 9, 2015)

I would never tell if mine started talking, because I would fear somebody might steal him or some government group would take him to conduct experiments on. Geesh, everybody already knows I am crazy, so that doesn't fit into the factor at all.


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## Gillian M (Feb 9, 2015)

Jacqui said:


> I would never tell if mine started talking, because I would fear somebody might steal him or some government group would take him to conduct experiments on. Geesh, everybody already knows I am crazy, so that doesn't fit into the factor at all.


 Extremely bright of you to think in such a way.


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## blu rodriguez (Mar 1, 2015)

Yellow Turtle01 said:


> 1.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I would also want to know why he poops in the water dish lmfao I thought it was just mine


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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Mar 2, 2015)

blu rodriguez said:


> I would also want to know why he poops in the water dish lmfao I thought it was just mine


Remember when you had a soda you didn't want your brother to drink it you would spit in it : torts cannt spit !


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## blu rodriguez (Mar 2, 2015)

Grandpa Turtle 144 said:


> Remember when you had a soda you didn't want your brother to drink it you would spit in it : torts cannt spit !


But he's by himself lol


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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Mar 2, 2015)

blu rodriguez said:


> But he's by himself lol


But in the wild sooner or later torts cross paths . They don't like to share .


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## bouaboua (Mar 2, 2015)

I have dog that talk/bark ....

I have Cat that talk/Meow...

I have bird that talk/Chirping...

I have children that talk/Argue... 

Now Tortoise also can talk??????

COME-ON................


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## Iochroma (Mar 2, 2015)

My male Hermann's is already saying it: GIRLS. Where are the girls?


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## Grandpa Turtle 144 (Mar 2, 2015)

Iochroma said:


> My male Hermann's is already saying it: GIRLS. Where are the girls?


My 15 year old grandson says the same thing


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## kathyth (Mar 2, 2015)

I think the Redfoots would ask if they could have protein, daily.

I would ask them what I could do differently that would make them the happiest.

I would tell my husband. I'm not sure about telling anyone else. Stuff like that could land one on anti psychotic meds


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