# Need mainly a woman's opinions but others are welcome



## dmmj (Jun 18, 2011)

So as you may or may not know I am single mainly by choice, but I think I would like someone to do stuff with, which brings me to my question. I go every tuesday to a fast food place ( yoshinoya) and every time I go there is this girl, cute, smart nice all the qualities I look for. So every time I go in she always ask me how I am doing, how things are, she works the drive thru I use the walk up counter, and she always comes by and talk and smiles. So I wonder is she just being nice? or something else else? I will admit I am gun shy around woman and as someone who has been shot down many many times, over the years I am little (hell little make that a lot) hesitant to ask anyone out period. Over the years it has jut been easier to not ask than risk rejection yet again. So opinions, I know it is hard to give advice like this over the internet, but I would appreciate any thoughts, comments, and what not you may have. Of course the worst part is I don't know if she likes turtles and tortoises but I will cross that bridge much later. I am not looking for anything serious right now, just someone to go out and do stuff with. so tell me am I being delusional? or does she show signs of interest? I would like mainly women's thoughts ( mainly because they would know better since they probably did similar stuff in the past) of course anyone who has any insight will be welcome to post or if you think I should just ignore it, that would be ok to, so tell me people.
Ok I will stop rambling now.


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## Skyler Nell (Jun 18, 2011)

Hmm it's kind of difficult to say because I can't see the way she's acting.
I know from experience, (I work at a restaurant) that I always ask the regulars how they're doing, what's new, ect.
So it's kinda hard to tell.
I think you should listen to that basketball saying..."You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". You'll never know if you don't ask, and if someone were to very politely ask me on a date when i wasn't interested or had a boyfriend or something, I'd feel flattered and wouldn't think any less of that person.
So imho, go for it


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## Kristina (Jun 18, 2011)

It is kind of hard to tell sometimes... I always try to be extra nice to all of my customers, and it has been taken the wrong way before. I have had to learn to be very careful to make as much eye contact, etc. with the woman as the man when talking to a couple. I don't flirt intentionally, but apparently it comes out that way when I don't mean it to.

In your situation, I would look at it like this. What is going to happen if you ask this girl out, and she says no? Are you going to be embarrassed to the point where you won't go back again? What is more important to you? Your routine, or the hope that maybe something good can come out of asking her out?

I had a guy come in to where I work a couple of months ago and ask me out on a date. (I happen to be VERY happily married.) I felt bad for him, he was so nervous he could barely speak above a whisper. I told him I was married, but that it was flattering and thanks for asking. I didn't see him again for two months and he used to come in once a week. He finally came back the other day, but he was so embarrassed he couldn't look me in the eye. 

I would do this - ask her if she has a boyfriend or is seeing anyone. It isn't exactly asking her out. But it will be clear to her that you have some interest. If she says she does, just smile and say, "Oh, well that is too bad." If she doesn't, ask her to lunch or for coffee. Don't go all romantic dinner for the first date. Keep it a light "no pressure" atmosphere. Movies aren't a good idea in my opinion either, no chance to get to know each other.


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## Maggie Cummings (Jun 18, 2011)

You'll never get anywhere if you don't try...so I would be honest with her and just ask her out for a cup of coffee, or ask her to join you for your meal there. Tell her you are not wanting to come on to her or anything like that, just ask her if she would be interested in having a cup of coffee with you or even a lunch. An informal meal (lunch) is much less scary then an actual date.
Come on up here to Oregon I love your personality, I think you're a scream...I'd go out with you and I don't date at all...


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## Missy (Jun 18, 2011)

Well first off, guys think that I am interested in them all the time cause I try to be nice to everyone. I never get upset when someone asks me out, I just say I am married but we can be friends. I have lots of guy friends. That said, she must be nice because she tries to start conversations with you. You should just ask, so what do you do outside of work? That way you can get a better idea of who she is and if you have anything in common. Then if you find out you share a common interest then ask if she would like to go together to whatever it is. I think you should just go for it, shucks what girl doesn't wanna hear...I like reptiles how bought you, LOL.


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## October (Jun 18, 2011)

I would ask her. It could be one of two things. 1 - She likes you. 2 - She's just a sweet person who goes out of her way to be friendly. With option 1, there's potential for more. With Option 2 there's potential for companionship. 

She's not a cocktail waitress trying to hustle tips. She's someone going above and beyond the minimum. Rejection sucks eggs, but in the long run, like Skylar said, you could be missing something wonderful because you didn't try. 

Go DMMJ!


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## ascott (Jun 18, 2011)

Ahh go for it! We women are not so scary...we love to talk and sounds like this gal enjoys speaking with you....and if you try to get to know her a bit better then awesome...and if you put it out there and she is not receptive I bet she wont think any different of ya...that is if she is any caliber of woman...and if not well better to know huh? I already think it to some gusto from you to put yourself out there like you have here...and see we still think you rock solid cap....


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## bikerchicspain (Jun 18, 2011)

In my opinion its better to get a no than never knowing!
I am a very shy person too, so i know where your coming from, But what the hell. if we all had hindsight we would never make mistakes.

Just be yourself, people have to like you for you and what you have inside, Most women would that a guy with animals is very caring and we like that..

I would just start chatting with her about your torts, most women find them soo cute, it could be an ice breaker,
Then if you have a zoo near you maybe you could ask her if she would like to go see them sometime,

Good luck


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## onarock (Jun 18, 2011)

Dude... you need to get that confidence level up a few knotches. Go about it as if you dont care either way.


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## Yvonne G (Jun 18, 2011)

David: The next time you're chatting with her, ask her if you could buy her a coke when she has her break. You'll know how the cow ate the cabbage by the way she answers you.


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## jensgotfaith (Jun 18, 2011)

I totally agree with Kristina. Take that step and find out if she's seeing anyone. You'll never know if you don't try.


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## Zouave (Jun 18, 2011)

step 1 look in to mirror and repeat after me, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me."

lol sorry couldn't resist! 

Seriously though
1 Be confident in yourself
2 Don't over think or over plan, go with the flow
3 Brush yer teeth and spray yer pits
4 Smile and keep eye contact
5 Relax and be yourself

You'll be golden my friend! :thumbs up:


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## Laura (Jun 18, 2011)

your dog is cute.. if she is going out of her way to come say hi, thre is something there. 
ask her to sit with you on her next break or ask some sort of question about torts.. see if she is the least interested.. if so.. give her your email.. you can send her pics.. 
Wear a tortoise shirt and see if she says anything.. 
and check her hand for rings!


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## GeoTerraTestudo (Jun 18, 2011)

Hey dude,

I recently got married, but I also used to get shot down a lot. One thing I know now that I wish I had known then is that men think they make the first move, but in actually the vast majority of the time, women make the first move by giving inviting body language. Men are very prone to misinterpreting friendly behavior as flirting, and also may miss actual advances, so it is obviously tricky.

The thing is, there are some tell-tale signs that women tend to use (probably without even realizing it) that let a guy know they want him to ask them out. These include open-mouth smiling - not just close-lipped smiles or grins, but smiles that actually show the teeth. Others are lowering the head and looking up, or tilting the head to one side and exposing the neck, and then looking at the guy from the corner of the eye. Tossing the hair is another cue, as is exposing the underside of the wrist. Tilting the hips is often another cue.

Many of these courtship behaviors are actually very to similar to those of other primate species, but some are unique, and most appear to be innate to our species because they are observed all over the world. However, we humans use our brains and our spoken language so much that we can overlook these instinctive body language signals. Men' repertoire of signals overlaps with that of women, but we also have a few unique to us. What all these signals have in common is they accentuate our gender (male or female), and they make us seem less intimidating, and more inviting and approachable to those we are interested in.

Obviously, people are different, and again, because we are smart, we can often "override" our impulses to flirt, etc. Nevertheless, we often do betray our real emotions whether we want to or not. It just takes some observation to figure this out. So, to answer your question, maybe she's just being friendly, or maybe she is actually flirting with you. Look for those characteristic signals I mentioned above: open-mouthed smiling, tilting of the head, looking indirectly at you, exposing the wrists, and standing with the hips cocked. If you don't see some of these signals, then odds are she is just being friendly. But if you see a few of these cues, and if she does it more than once, then she may be hoping you ask her out. Let us know what happens.


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## lynnedit (Jun 18, 2011)

People miss so many opportunities!
She obviously likes you as a person. 
So, unless she is committed to someone, it is well worth asking, in a nice, sort of indirect way as others have suggested.
At the worst, she will say no but will be flattered. 
If she says yes, that is the first step.
I think most people don't mind being approached, if it is tactful and respectful.
Good luck!


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## Fernando (Jun 18, 2011)

Do it!...Do it!...Do it!

This is what I used to do...strike up a conversation of something that you think she might be interested in, then casually ask if she'd like to continue it over lunch or something. Maybe ask when her break is and see if she'd want to sit down with you for a minute and hang out.


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## John (Jun 19, 2011)

Listen man you are going about this all wrong, if you want advice on women you don't ask women, you need to talk to some guys that have been married ten years or more, they are easy to spot just look for guys with a far away stare that don't seem to hear so well anymore. Anyway at the end of the day it comes down to kahoneys.


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## Cfr200 (Jun 19, 2011)

Don't listen to guys who have been married for years, that is like your pet giving a wild animal advice on how to survive in the wild. Just ask her if she would like to sit down with you on her break and talk a few minutes. You will learn all you need to know from this little no pressure chat.


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## african cake queen (Jun 19, 2011)

hi, go for it. please dont let life pass you by. i didnt get married til i was 38. it was the best thing i ever did.think of youself like a turtle with a hard shell. if she saids no , let it bounce off and till be friends and know someone else is just waiting for you. its hard but if i found someone , so can you! be brave. lindy


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## Jessicap (Jun 19, 2011)

It sounds like you don't want a committed relationship anyway so what would the difference be if she says no? Fiind out what kind of things interest her (during your conversations ask lots of questions... and then LISTEN) If there is an event coming up (it is fair season) let her know you where planning on attending and ask if she would be interested in coming along. Ask like you would any other friend. (Think of her as just one of the guys... lol)


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## John (Jun 19, 2011)

Cfr200 said:


> Don't listen to guys who have been married for years, that is like your pet giving a wild animal advice on how to survive in the wild. Just ask her if she would like to sit down with you on her break and talk a few minutes. You will learn all you need to know from this little no pressure chat.
> [/quote)Nice analogy, rings of someone of inexperience, why would ya listen to the guy who hasn't been to the super bowl, or the opposing team, over the guy who has made it and can sustain it?


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## wrmitchell22 (Jun 19, 2011)

You never know if you don't try. It is really hard to say if she is just being polite and interested in chit chat because you are a regular and she "knows" you or if she has a sincere interest. Many women wait for the man to make the move so to speak, so the ball is in your court. I really like the idea of asking if she is seeing anyone, it is less forward and you avoid rejection because you aren't asking her out your just asking a question. Good Luck, let us know how it goes. For the record, I asked out a lot of people before meeting my husband, rejection comes with the territory, look at it this way, with each rejection you are closer to finding the person you want to be with. I met my husband on eharmony. 



Jessicap said:


> It sounds like you don't want a committed relationship anyway so what would the difference be if she says no? Fiind out what kind of things interest her (during your conversations ask lots of questions... and then LISTEN) If there is an event coming up (it is fair season) let her know you where planning on attending and ask if she would be interested in coming along. Ask like you would any other friend. (Think of her as just one of the guys... lol)



This is great advice!


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## matt41gb (Jun 19, 2011)

I met my wife at the animal clinic I work at. She would bring her cat in all the time, but I hadn't actually met its owner. One day when we were really slow, she came to pick her cat up. I just so happened to bring her cat up and when I saw her, I just couldn't function, ha! We were super slow that day, so we ended up talking for about 30 min. I'm super shy at first, so I had no idea that she was interested in me at all. She's a school teacher and she gave me her tutoring business card that had her number on it. I had no idea that she was giving me a huge hint to call her. She would come in from time to time with her cat, but we were always too busy to talk. One day about six months later I just couldn't stand it anymore. I called her up and I was shaking like a leaf. Luckily she didn't answer and I left her a voice mail. She ended up calling me back about 30 minutes later. We were engaged 7 months later and married the next year. 

You never know what will happen unless you overcome your shyness and just go for it. Don't worry about rejection, just be confident and ask her out. You have nothing to lose!!!!

-Matt


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## Angi (Jun 19, 2011)

I would start by asking her how she is and what she has been up to next time she asks you how you are. If she says a quick fine thanks you could be reading her wrong. If she gives a more personal answer, then ask her out for coffee, lunch or to go somewhere you may both enjoy, but keep the first date light NOT romantic or expensive. Kristina, Skyler and several others gave very good advice. Good luck.


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## Laura (Jun 19, 2011)

SO... what have you decided?


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## GeoTerraTestudo (Jun 19, 2011)

matt41gb said:


> I met my wife at the animal clinic I work at. She would bring her cat in all the time, but I hadn't actually met its owner. One day when we were really slow, she came to pick her cat up. I just so happened to bring her cat up and when I saw her, I just couldn't function, ha! We were super slow that day, so we ended up talking for about 30 min. I'm super shy at first, so I had no idea that she was interested in me at all. She's a school teacher and she gave me her tutoring business card that had her number on it. I had no idea that she was giving me a huge hint to call her. She would come in from time to time with her cat, but we were always too busy to talk. One day about six months later I just couldn't stand it anymore. I called her up and I was shaking like a leaf. Luckily she didn't answer and I left her a voice mail. She ended up calling me back about 30 minutes later. We were engaged 7 months later and married the next year.
> 
> You never know what will happen unless you overcome your shyness and just go for it. Don't worry about rejection, just be confident and ask her out. You have nothing to lose!!!!
> 
> -Matt



I love that story!


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## jackrat (Jun 19, 2011)

This guy gives pretty good advice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IL_pbFbYK0[hr]
David,with your sense of humor,I can't see you having any problems.


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## matt41gb (Jun 20, 2011)

GeoTerraTestudo said:


> matt41gb said:
> 
> 
> > I met my wife at the animal clinic I work at. She would bring her cat in all the time, but I hadn't actually met its owner. One day when we were really slow, she came to pick her cat up. I just so happened to bring her cat up and when I saw her, I just couldn't function, ha! We were super slow that day, so we ended up talking for about 30 min. I'm super shy at first, so I had no idea that she was interested in me at all. She's a school teacher and she gave me her tutoring business card that had her number on it. I had no idea that she was giving me a huge hint to call her. She would come in from time to time with her cat, but we were always too busy to talk. One day about six months later I just couldn't stand it anymore. I called her up and I was shaking like a leaf. Luckily she didn't answer and I left her a voice mail. She ended up calling me back about 30 minutes later. We were engaged 7 months later and married the next year.
> ...



Thank you! I love telling it. 

-Mat


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## zoogrl (Jun 20, 2011)

ASK HER!! I have a very similar story to Matt - I work at a vet clinic & my fiance and I met because he got a puppy (german shep - Alexus) and started bringing her to daycare. I would chat with most of the regulars when they came to pick up but really enjoyed talking to him & could just tell he was a nice guy. I even commented to one of the girls I work with that he is a nice guy & needs a nice girl! One day he called the clinic after he picked up the dog & asked me out. I was blown away! He gave me his number and told me to call him, so 3 days later I finally called him! He still gives me a hard time for taking 3 days to call him back lol. We went for dinner and have been inseperable ever since! We are getting married in August. I would've never asked him out because I'm way too shy, but now 2 years later I can't imagine how life would be if he hadn't asked me out. According to him & his family it took him months to work up the courage to ask me out. 

A cup of coffee or a coke is just a getting to know you thing, keep the conversation light, ask about hobbies, music, pets. But most of all RELAX! Be you & just have fun


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## RV's mom (Jun 20, 2011)

What ever happens, let us know? We're behind you 100%....... Good luck.

teri


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## wrmitchell22 (Jun 20, 2011)

We are dying to know what happens, please keep us posted, and go for it, you only live once, no regrets!


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## DixieParadise (Jun 20, 2011)

Ok, my take on the situation. Hope I am not too late jumping into this thread..

First of all I think you are asking for a woman's view, because you don't want to be hurt again. So, if you ask this girl out and she says "NO", you will probably chalk it up to...see I should not have gotten interested. And go on living your life being alone. Afraid to ask anyone else out for fear of rejection.

But if she says "Yes", who knows...She might be the one or not, but you won't know unless you try. 

We miss so much in life because of our simplest fears. If you just do what your heart tells you to do, then your head will figure it out in time. 

Do what our tortoises can't.... Step out of your shell and give it a shot.


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## October (Jun 20, 2011)

It's almost Tuesday! I'm excited (and nervous, silly me) to see what happens.


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## Angi (Jun 20, 2011)

You could do something really crazy and go to this eatting place on a Monday....just saying....


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## DesertGrandma (Jun 20, 2011)

As one who has also had a problem in the past with men thinking I was flirting when actually just being friendly, I would say take it slow and ask a few revealing questions before asking for a date. Find out if she is single, what her hobbies are, does she have pets, where does she hang out for coffee, etc. I think when she realizes that you are interested, in some way she will let you know if she is interested in you or not. If she is not interested,you've lost nothing. If she is interested then ask her if she would like to meet someplace of her choice according to her hobbies in the morning or afternoon for a casual get together. Then just see how it goes. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.


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## onarock (Jun 20, 2011)

You need to be more like this guy.


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## Fernando (Jun 20, 2011)

and don't forget the feathers...that's key.


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## Terry Allan Hall (Jun 20, 2011)

dmmj said:


> So as you may or may not know I am single mainly by choice, but I think I would like someone to do stuff with, which brings me to my question. I go every tuesday to a fast food place ( yoshinoya) and every time I go there is this girl, cute, smart nice all the qualities I look for. So every time I go in she always ask me how I am doing, how things are, she works the drive thru I use the walk up counter, and she always comes by and talk and smiles. So I wonder is she just being nice? or something else else? I will admit I am gun shy around woman and as someone who has been shot down many many times, over the years I am little (hell little make that a lot) hesitant to ask anyone out period. Over the years it has jut been easier to not ask than risk rejection yet again. So opinions, I know it is hard to give advice like this over the internet, but I would appreciate any thoughts, comments, and what not you may have. Of course the worst part is I don't know if she likes turtles and tortoises but I will cross that bridge much later. I am not looking for anything serious right now, just someone to go out and do stuff with. so tell me am I being delusional? or does she show signs of interest? I would like mainly women's thoughts ( mainly because they would know better since they probably did similar stuff in the past) of course anyone who has any insight will be welcome to post or if you think I should just ignore it, that would be ok to, so tell me people.
> Ok I will stop rambling now.



Do you want her to draw you a picture?


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## fhintz (Jun 22, 2011)

As a 34 year old shy, single guy, who finds himself frequently confused by women, and how or if to approach them, I feel like I get where you're coming from. I know for myself, I always feel better if I force myself to at least have a conversation with girls that I run into regularly, even though it hasn't gone anywhere for me. So, I would say go for it, in terms of at least talking to her and finding out more about her, and then going from there.

Hope things work out well for you.

Frank


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## October (Jun 22, 2011)

So... Tuesday night has come and gone. Are you still scoping out the situation or did you chat with her? Inquiring minds want to know.


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## Terry Allan Hall (Jun 22, 2011)

Indeed, dmmj...I'm a long way from even being vaguely handsome (my wife of 15 years once described me to one of her friends as looking like "a kindly orang-utan"), but I learned a long time ago that any single woman who isn't attracted to self-confidence and a healthy sense of humor is not worth bothering with...and have always had a lively romantic life (until my lovely wife put my ring on her hand and her ring through my nose ) because I believed in myself.

Go be *Captain Awesome *and see if she doesn't appreciate ya! 

BTW, tortoises are surprisingly good babe-magnets...just putting that out for consideration.


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