# serious life question!!!!!!!!!!!



## [email protected] (Dec 12, 2010)

hi guys i have a question. sorry to say it like this but this question is for some of the older and life experienced users.

ok here it gose, if you were to look back at what you were doing when you were 23 what do you think of and did you expect to be doing what you are now? were you happy and did you feel acomplished with your life or what you were? did you have a firm grip on a goal and know what you wanted to be? is what you have become seem anywere close to what you expected? i ask all this cuase im alittle down and cunfused. i have goals, i dont what i am doing(in life not with my lovely tort or other repti.) or were i am going in life. i know were i want to go just not how to get there. someone please tell me that i have time to figure all this out and that it is not to late cuase i waited till i was 23 to ask these questions.


----------



## -ryan- (Dec 12, 2010)

Breathe and relax. You don't need to know or want to know what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life. It's likely that you'll have close to ten careers between now and retirement (if such a thing even happens) so don't stress. Just try out different options and figure out what you like.

After tomorrow I will be officially done with my bachelor's degree and eligible to teach music in New York State public schools. Instead I am going to be working in the firearms industry, I'll continue teaching percussion lessons and playing gigs, and of course working with my tortoises and other reptiles. The funny thing is, if you asked me what I thought I'd be doing at 22 when I was 9, I probably would have said exactly what I am going to be doing now, but if you asked me two years ago I would have given you the answer drilled into me by my professors that I was going to pursue a career as a public school music teacher. It's funny how that works, but basically try to figure out what you like to do and don't let other people guilt you into doing what you don't want to do.

Also, remember that if you love something enough to put time and effort into it, you will likely find that it naturally becomes financially rewarding.


----------



## Kenny (Dec 12, 2010)

Nothing goes exactly how its "supposed" to. Make adjustments, and keep making adjustments. Commitment is the key to any goal.


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 12, 2010)

thanks guys that is helpfull but im not really talking about careers. im talking about life in general. about choices that were made, things that were given up in order to make yourself comfortable and what giving those things up ment. im just felling as though anything that you want and/or desire has some sort of major impact on your life no matter how small or trival it is, and that it may not always be a positive affect.
ok now this is fa question for you to answer to yourself, "how far are you willing to go to persue yor hobby, career or pasion ect. to what end is it enough, and would you stop if it ment you wouldnt lose something else dear to you." basically when do you stop making yourself happy in order to make someone else happy. 



i know this is a tortiose forum, lol, i just have a lot on my mind and thought i would get off my chest by talking to people who know nothing about me and would respond without bias(did i spell that right?lol)

thanks


----------



## TKCARDANDCOIN (Dec 12, 2010)

Are you kidding!!!I am 40 years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!Seriously though, When I was 23 I was still bouncing around trying to pick up the pieces of my life and at the time I was single, living in Columbus with no direction in life.Fast forward to today.I have a beautiful wife of 7+ years and two children(7 yr old girl,9 week old boy) a new home and I am retired(medical).I thank God every day for my beautiful family.If you were to tell me all of this 17 years ago I would have told you that you were crazy.

I do remember being confused,scared....when I was younger.Almost like I didnt know what my purpose was in life.It all just kind of falls into place, and for some,like me, it takes a little longer.So sit back and relax and enjoy what you have and not what you don't!Everything works out,I promise.Good luck,tom.


----------



## zzzdanz (Dec 12, 2010)

Education, education, education..I've worked in construction since I was 17 (just turned 40) and that's all I know how to do that has paid me well.I had my 2nd surgery for 4 blown discs in my back in March,and the Dr. tells me I'm done in construction.Tells me I need to get a job with no lifting,no extended periods of standing,or sitting,and part time would be best.

Well if there is such a job out there that pays me what I was making doing basically nothing like the Dr. tells me to do, I'll take it.I have a mortgage to pay,my oldest daughter in college and another starting college in Sept...Part time for part time pay isn't going to cut it.I got almost nothing from workmans comp.
and when that's gone, I don't know what I'm going to do.I'm probally going to have to go back to building houses and just hope for the best.

I have a music degree from Berklee College of Music which basically isn't worth the paper it's printed on.Sure,I could get a teaching job,but have zero interest in doing so and the money just isn't there.Do I
go back to school?..at 40?..That's probally my only other option.

So, if I could go back to being in my 20's..I'ld put the beer down,stop working 10-12 hrs a day beating my body to a pulp just to live check to check, and I'ld get as much education as possible.When I was in my 20's the 40's seemed to be so far off until 1 day I woke up and 40 was here.It goes fast..to fast.


----------



## ALDABRAMAN (Dec 12, 2010)

23 is young yet. Not knowing what you have done or where you want to go, here is what I did. I became employed within the state retirement system and earned two B.S. degrees. Started buying and selling real estate and started collecting aldabras as a hobby, while always being driven to eventually have a breeding colony. This was always my "Passion" as you say. Well, adult aldabras are very expensive and the right ones are hard to find. I remember I bought a 400 pound male for $20,000 + two young ones and my parents flipped when I took a loan out on my truck to finance him. Well that started a serious venture. I have since bought and sold many while learning what works and what does not within the aldabra breeding process. Well, 25 years later and much effort (+lots of money) I have my dream that I set out to do over 25 years ago, a successful aldabra breeding program resulting with many hatchlings. I am retired from my state job and no longer dable in real estate, however I full time work with my aldabras and love every day. Life can be a challenge, I have always been focused and driven on what I wanted to do. I also never took many uncalculated risk. I always had a goal and continued to always work towards that. Not everything has worked out and you will have some regrets, we all have and do. One thing I was tought in canine school that I never forgot, "Avoid the bad and seek the good". I kinda adopted this as my philosophy, and it worked for me. If you do not know where you want to go , how do you even start to go there. Best of luck.


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 12, 2010)

okey thanks guys, i just needed to talk. thanks for listning to me wine!lol lets get back to torts, what do ya say. hers my tori agian


----------



## Edna (Dec 12, 2010)

Is it OK for a chick to weigh in here? Hang in there, borglarson. As Ryan said, you'll probably have several careers before you're all done, and I would like to add that you have plenty of time to be smashingly successful in those multiple careers. Here are some reassurances for you:
A. Nothing that you learn or do in the pursuit of your career(s) is ever wasted. So you go to school to prepare for a particular job and end up doing something else? The things you learned will still always be a part of you and will help you see the connectedness of all knowledge and human endeavor.
B. We each define our own success. If you are happy and fulfilled, you feel successful.
C. You can only make yourself happy, and others have the same responsibility for their own happiness. That's a fact. Choose to be around people who understand who is responsible for their happiness, cuz it isn't you.

When I was 23, I had a couple of years of college under my belt, and I was pretty happy working in low wage, low commitment jobs. I didn't finish my college up and get my first teaching job until I was 34. Teaching has been right for me for the last 17 years, but it wouldn't have been right for me when I was 23. Relax, you're going to be fine.


----------



## tobibaby (Dec 12, 2010)

wow 23, you are too young to worry about stuff like that.. and dont ever give up your happiness for someone else because eventually you will make that person unhappy also.. work on yourself and be commited in what you want to do.. trust me you have time to figure out what you want to do, im almost 40 and just started a new career so i can stay home. so work on yourself fulfill anything you want to do and enjoy life.. you never know what happens from one day to next, wish we all had a crystal ball right? but how boring would it be if we knew what was gonna happen next. "life is a box chocolate you never know what you gonna get" so true!!!!


----------



## ALDABRAMAN (Dec 12, 2010)

Nice looking redfoot, And I love colorado.


----------



## Maggie Cummings (Dec 12, 2010)

Here's another view from a woman...I was raised in the 50's when I was taught to be a married Mom with kids, like Leave it to Beaver...so that's how I lived, only I wasn't made to be married so I got married and divorced, married and divorced and married and divorced. I dropped out of school in the 9th grade and I worked at odd jobs and basically was miserable, but I had to raise 3 kids alone so I worked just to support them and when they were gone because I liked to drive so much and liked hot rods and cars I 'accidentally' went to truck driving school and started driving long distance in a semi truck pulling a 53' trailer...I had my cat with me and instead of it being a job, I made it a way of life and I was blissfully happy. I was good at it and got several awards for different things and I just loved it. Driving Coast to Coast I did things and saw things I never would have been able to if I wasn't driving. I started driving at 45 years old. I never planned on being a woman truck driver, I fell into it, it just happened to me. The point I am trying to make is that sometimes life happens to you without you planning on it. I never would have thought I would be good at truck driving, in fact, I never even thought about it. 
Then like zzzdanz, I got injured and spent 7 years on Workmans Comp and now I am disabled, unable to work and living alone caring for tortoises and turtles... something I never planned on, it just happened to me. So sometimes life happens to you when you're not looking.
My advice to you would be to get the best education you can and one day life will happen to you when you're not looking. You are responsible for your own happiness not anybody else. You can create a career but that doesn't always work out...so get the best education you can so you always have that to fall back on.


----------



## Angi (Dec 12, 2010)

My husband got his 1st degree in spanish. He wanted to teach. Then decided he wanted to make more money than teachers make and got a degree in finance and then an MBA. He is sick of the buissness world and wishes he would have got a PHD so he could have a kick back job at a University with retirerment. Right now there are not alot of jobs in his field.
My point is~ think about the safe long term goal. Time flies and before you know it you will wish you had a retirment and good benifits.


----------



## -ryan- (Dec 12, 2010)

TortyQueen said:


> Is it OK for a chick to weigh in here?



No.





jk  Good insight. I have realized that, even though I don't have any intention of pursuing a public school music teaching position right now, maybe a decade or so down the line I will. Either way, many of the things I learned pursuing my degree transfers to my other career options.


----------



## Nofx (Dec 13, 2010)

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

Douglas Adams


----------



## zoogrl (Dec 13, 2010)

I understand what you're thinking. I am 29 and have worked in the same field for about 8 years. I've been with the same company for 6 years. I am going back to school, not sure for what but I figure if I'm going to ever do anything else an education couldn't hurt right? I have no idea at what I want career wise for the future but do know that I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing now. At 23 I was living the single life! Working and partying with my friends and living on my own. It was a great time and I wouldn't change it at all, taught me a lot about myself and about life that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I have found that everyone goes thru periods of life where they look at where they are and wonder where they are going and what they did to get here. You cant change the past, but having goals is important. Enjoy life, don't worry so much about the ten years from now as the coming year. Make small goals to get you to the ten year goal and focus on the small ones. That's what I'm doing and so far it's less stressfull and I'm taking time to enjoy the things that make me happy.


----------



## Yvonne G (Dec 13, 2010)

In my opinion, because you have a young son, your main responsibility is to be sure that he is well taken care of. It doesn't matter what kind of job you have, just as long as you have a job. You need to plan for your son's future. Put money aside for his college education. Whatever happens to YOU along the way now is secondary. It would be nice if you could end up in a profession that you really love, but take care of your son's needs first and yours will all fall into place.


----------



## -ryan- (Dec 14, 2010)

zoogrl said:


> Enjoy life, don't worry so much about the ten years from now as the coming year. Make small goals to get you to the ten year goal and focus on the small ones. That's what I'm doing and so far it's less stressfull and I'm taking time to enjoy the things that make me happy.



This is great advice, and something that comes easier the more you enjoy what you are doing. I spent the last four and half years (and really all of the time before that) worrying and stressing about what I would be doing ten years down the line, and I didn't enjoy what I was doing at the time. Someone had told at one point that if that was how I feel in college, that was how I was going to feel for the rest of my life, and fortunately I am now confident that they were wrong.

Now that I have finished college and am going back to doing what I love to do (playing gigs, teaching lessons, working for my dad, raising and breeding reptiles), I really am not looking as far ahead as I was before. Of course I am planning ahead and saving money like there's no tomorrow, but that's different than what I was doing before. Right now I can honestly say that I am only looking about a week into the future. I know what I would like to be doing a month into the future, and six months into the future, and I can wager a guess as to what I'll be doing after that as well, but really I am only thinking about what is going to happen this week in my life. I am happy and somewhat stress free right now, and because of that it has become a lot easier for me to look at life this way.


----------



## PeanutbuttER (Dec 14, 2010)

Take it from a fellow 23 year old (not for too much longer), the first and most important thing is to really know yourself. Sounds like you're not entirely sure with what YOU really want from life. As far as when to give up one thing for another thing, well that depends on which is more important. Growing up I was a falconer and I remember my dad taking me to meet another falconer (yeah, they really do exist. I've only met 3 though in my life ) and it made an impression on me that I won't forget. He had devoted so much time, energy and money into the hobby (he flew goshawks if anyone's curious) that his wife eventually left him. He'll tell you otherwise, but it was clear from talking to him that that was one of the reasons she left. 

I could NEVER do that. Family is far more important to me than anything else. Would I give up a hobby to keep my family together? In a heartbeat. 

Anyhow, it all depends on what's most important to you and you can't figure that out until you do some soulsearching and (interjecting my beliefs here) say some honestly sincere prayers. Above all else, I promise this will help. 

Once you know what you want, figuring out where you want to go and what you want to do just falls into place. When you get things right it will just make sense (not that things will be easy). I spent most of my life up until now with no idea what I wanted to be (Chronologically, I wanted to be an astronaut, FBI agent, biologist, geneticist, botanist (that was an interesting period), businessman, psychologist) and finally realized that what's important to me at my core is that I spend my life helping people in ways that they cannot help themselves and at times when they cannot help themselves. After a couple personal experience it has become clear to me that I want to be a doctor so I can do just that with the least amount of restrictions. Since then things have more or less clicked and I'm chugging along that path doing great. This spring/summer I apply for med school and move onto my life of many many more years of education  

I should also mention that I most definitely believe you should have goals both short-term and long-term. They give you direction and help keep you on whatever path you choose.


----------



## artemiss (Dec 16, 2010)

23 is young. Im 29 now and 23 feels like over 15 years ago. We all have things that we wished we had done differently, or wondered what things would be like, etc. A few years ago I was with a girl for a few months, girl of my dreams. Well things didnt work out, and 4 months later she was pregnant and getting married. I knew she had a son, but we hadnt spoke in a few years until last week, when she calls me up, basically to tell me that she is getting a divorce from her husband, and that her son should have been mine. Thats a hell of a thing to tell someone, especially since we cant go back in time and do things differently. To be honest, I agreed with her, we should have stayed together. But we didnt, we both moved on. This phone call came while I was looking at engagement rings for my current girlfriend. So Ive had alot on my mind lately, wondering what things would be like if we hadnt split. Things would just be different, not better or worse. You dont really know, thats the thing about life. If we had stayed together, I would have missed out on MANY special times with my girlfriend, travelling overseas and having the time of my life. Its torture to constantly think about what could have been. If I could go back in time, sure Id be curious about the grass being greener, but its not possible, so I make the best of what I have NOW, not what I HAD or COULD HAVE had.


----------



## SILVERSTAR (Dec 16, 2010)

It could always be worse kid im only 29 but if it makes you fell better at the age of 23 i still had two more incarceration ahead of me before i even thought of wut i was gonna do wit my life,it can always be worse...

my point was theres still plenty of time to get things the way you feel they should be.


----------



## chadk (Dec 16, 2010)

When you live your life in a way that puts others first, you hardly have the time or need to question yourself. A self centered life is a life never satisfied, never content. always something new, something bigger, something more exciting, something younger, a bigger party, something else on your 'bucket list', etc etc.


----------

