# Reasons why Shellys mom should not quit on us



## bikerchicspain (Mar 19, 2011)

I know i have said this to you in your un-introduction but dont leave, 
This is the best tort forum in the world, why else would we have international people on here,
To those that have attacked Shellys mom be a man and grow a pair and apologise, please 
We are all after the same thing, to make our torts have the best life possible, so come on be nice.
This is not a kiddies play ground.

What are your thought guys on shellys mom leaving and why she should stay?


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## Torty Mom (Mar 19, 2011)

Super sweet of you Yvonne! 

I hope she stays because she wants to!


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## exoticsdr (Mar 19, 2011)

I've been going back through the threads and don't see anywhere that she was attacked by anyone, I see some instances where she was asked pointed questions and instead of answering in a civilized manner (that we have been stressing here so much lately) she came across as a little more than crass (btw, if a male member of the forum had made the same comment, they probably would have been banned). I have already posted that I don't wish her to leave the forum, so please don't try to make this into a "me" attacking her issue...just stating what I've read and would like more info before demanding others grow a pair and apologize just so she wont leave.


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## bikerchicspain (Mar 19, 2011)

I have not accused you of attacking her, nor am i going to get into a slanging match with anyone,
That is not my style, I am well passed the playground name calling.
Why can we not act like the adults most of us are.
What i like about this forum is no one thinks they are better than anyone else.


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## coreyc (Mar 19, 2011)

Well I do not think any body wants her to leave but she is an adult and it is her decision to make if she wants to leave than leave if she stays all the better


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## exoticsdr (Mar 19, 2011)

Yvonne, you are correct, this is an awesome forum. I was not attempting to accuse you of anything and definitely DONT want a bikerchic, especially one from Spain pissed off at me...smile. BUT for ShellysMom to get angry for simple questions being asked, responding rudely and then getting angry and threatening to leave, sounds pretty playground to me. I will be the first one to request someone apologize or if it was me, to apologize for any misunderstandings. If ShellysMom can point to a post where she was attacked, I'm all in.......


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## Kristina (Mar 19, 2011)

I think that the reason that ANYONE should stay is this - there are over SIX THOUSAND members on this forum. Many of them are here looking for help and wanting to collaborate with others on how to best care for their tortoise. We also have a strong core of experienced members that GIVE that up to the minute help that others need. 

Yes, occasionally there is tension. This last week has been one of the worst in all of my years as a member, and for a new Moderator, it was especially stressful. But I love it here. I take pride in TFO and I am proud to be a member of a community that cares so much about the loves of MY life - my tortoises. I am grateful every day for the knowledge i find here that adds to my own. 

So seriously, what in the world is the point of leaving because 1% of our members may have had a disagreement? To me, that seems very, very silly.


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## exoticsdr (Mar 19, 2011)

kyryah said:


> I think that the reason that ANYONE should stay is this - there are over SIX THOUSAND members on this forum. Many of them are here looking for help and wanting to collaborate with others on how to best care for their tortoise. We also have a strong core of experienced members that GIVE that up to the minute help that others need.
> 
> Yes, occasionally there is tension. This last week has been one of the worst in all of my years as a member, and for a new Moderator, it was especially stressful. But I love it here. I take pride in TFO and I am proud to be a member of a community that cares so much about the loves of MY life - my tortoises. I am grateful every day for the knowledge i find here that adds to my own.
> 
> So seriously, what in the world is the point of leaving because 1% of our members may have had a disagreement? To me, that seems very, very silly.



Kyrah, I've not always agreed with your posts.. but this is true wisdom in moderation....you're doing a great job.


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## bikerchicspain (Mar 19, 2011)

exoticsdr said:


> Yvonne, you are correct, this is an awesome forum. I was not attempting to accuse you of anything and definitely DONT want a bikerchic, especially one from Spain pissed off at me...smile. BUT for ShellysMom to get angry for simple questions being asked, responding rudely and then getting angry and threatening to leave, sounds pretty playground to me. I will be the first one to request someone apologize or if it was me, to apologize for any misunderstandings. If ShellysMom can point to a post where she was attacked, I'm all in.......



I am a ***** cat really.. 

I am not to sure what has gone of with shellys mom, I apologise if i have been mis-interpreted. :shy:
I just dont like conflict, I enjoy coming on the forum and see whos done what and how they do it and mostly learn from the more experienced.
You get to learn new things everyday.
I just thought it was sad that someone actually said i am leaving for such and such reasons....


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## Kristina (Mar 19, 2011)

exoticsdr said:


> Kyrah, I've not always agreed with your posts.. but this is true wisdom in moderation....you're doing a great job.



Not always agreeing with me doesn't bother me one lick. Not ONE of us on this forum does things exactly like someone else. We all have our differences and differences of opinion. That is the beauty of having a group like this.

The only time I take issue with someone disagreeing with me is when they directly belittle me because of it. Asking "why" I do things a certain way isn't a problem. I am more than happy to explain my individual reasoning and experiences.

One thing I always encourage everyone to remember - advancements and changes in ANY field happen for ONE reason - someone was brave enough to question the norm. All we have to do is keep asking questions, and we will get there someday


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## Marty333 (Mar 19, 2011)

What was the thread she was offended on? Can someone post a link?


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## exoticsdr (Mar 19, 2011)

bikerchicspain said:


> exoticsdr said:
> 
> 
> > Yvonne, you are correct, this is an awesome forum. I was not attempting to accuse you of anything and definitely DONT want a bikerchic, especially one from Spain pissed off at me...smile. BUT for ShellysMom to get angry for simple questions being asked, responding rudely and then getting angry and threatening to leave, sounds pretty playground to me. I will be the first one to request someone apologize or if it was me, to apologize for any misunderstandings. If ShellysMom can point to a post where she was attacked, I'm all in.......
> ...



your sentiments are beautiful...but I wouldn't worry too much....I don't believe ShellysMom is going anywhere...this forum is just TOO good to let family squabbles actually make you go away and stay away...Have a wonderful weekend, bikerchic...


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## bikerchicspain (Mar 19, 2011)

exoticsdr said:


> kyryah said:
> 
> 
> > I think that the reason that ANYONE should stay is this - there are over SIX THOUSAND members on this forum. Many of them are here looking for help and wanting to collaborate with others on how to best care for their tortoise. We also have a strong core of experienced members that GIVE that up to the minute help that others need.
> ...


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## Kristina (Mar 19, 2011)

bikerchicspain said:


> Sorry didnt know you was a moderator, (not sure what that is) but good job,
> I should know really shouldnt i ? :shy:



That means if you make me angry, I will get out the Almighty Ban Hammer and get rid of you for good!!!!

    

Just kidding, of course. Us moderators keep an eye on the forum, make sure things are in their proper places, keep the spammers and trolls away (mostly Yvonne  ) and when there are problems we decide as a group how to handle them. We mostly just help keep TFO a family friendly place to be.


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## bikerchicspain (Mar 19, 2011)

kyryah said:


> bikerchicspain said:
> 
> 
> > Sorry didnt know you was a moderator, (not sure what that is) but good job,
> ...


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## shellysmom (Mar 19, 2011)

Hi everyone, several people have sent me very nice PMs asking me not to leave. I have to say, Iâ€™m a little surprised, because Iâ€™ve only been a member for about a month, and I can only think of one time Iâ€™ve made any major contribution with advice, and that was the time I felt attacked. I kind of wonder if I hadnâ€™t said anything about leaving, and just sort of â€œsnuck out the back door,â€ if anyone would have even noticed I was gone. ???

Anyway, the 2 instances I felt were personal attacks were only a small part of the reason I announced I was leaving. If the tone of the forum had not been so horribly negative the past few days, I would have just shaken off the other things, but seeing so many people attack others over and over again, really left me feeling bad. Even the thoughtful, humorous post titled Brothers and Sisters was ripped apart by a couple of people, and I really just donâ€™t understand why that kind of thing is necessary.

I donâ€™t know, maybe Iâ€™m too sensitive, but I havenâ€™t spent any time on forums at all, until now, and I really thought everything was just going to be about torts. I didnâ€™t realize people were going to insult other peopleâ€™s methods, ideas, and ways of life. Thatâ€™s not really something Iâ€™m into. Although, I do admit when I feel attacked I have no problem pushing back.

I am an animal activist. I used to work for and animal rights group. Once people find that out about me, the majority of them roll their eyes and say, â€œOh, youâ€™re one of those crazies who care more about animals than people.â€ And from then on Iâ€™m totally dismissed. Thatâ€™s how I felt when I was trying to offer help to TebowHammer and a couple of people reacted negatively. Again, maybe Iâ€™m too sensitive, but seeing as I was trying to help, I was absolutely shocked when someone said that I was out of line, and someone else called animal rights people liars with hidden agendas. That kind of thing just makes me feel unwelcome. Why would I want to hang out somewhere I feel unwelcome?

Anyway, thanks for caring enough about this to start a thread, Yvonne, and I may just take a break and come back at some point, but yâ€™all really shouldnâ€™t make such a big deal about one person leaving, especially someone who hasnâ€™t even been around that long or made that much of a difference.

And yes, the phrase â€œpanties in a bunchâ€ is a little juvenile, but how do you know Iâ€™m not really a 12 year-old girl?


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## bikerchicspain (Mar 19, 2011)

I actually prefer animals to people and i think alot of us here feel the same.
Animal dont judge, they listen, and they dont back stab.

But all differences aside.
Yvonne would have noticed,
I went through a bad year last year, I ended up in a phsyc unit (yes im as mad as a hatter before anyone says it for me).

So i lost contact with everything and everyone. I started to do the TT course whilst in the unit and passed (so not that mad YET)
I was off the curcuit for a while and then wham bam i got an Email from Yvonne, And it made me think S**t ive lost touch with everything i like and care for.

Dont get me wrong my torts were still looked after to much,

Ok so we get alot of banter on here, I think in the link of brother and sister it was mostly sarcastic humour.
Thought it was funny myself. 

I just love winding people up.
So hang in there for your torts sake and for your own.

Eventually you will get to know us all, and you will be able to judge who is the joker and who wants to argue, Although most are just completely mad like me.



shellysmom said:


> And yes, the phrase â€œpanties in a bunchâ€ is a little juvenile, but how do you know Iâ€™m not really a 12 year-old girl?



Are you?


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## Marty333 (Mar 19, 2011)

I'm sorry you are leaving. I never even really had a chance to meet or get to know you. I kind of left TFO for a bit because I was attacked and wasn't liking the attitude either. I think I am coming back at a wrong time :/


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## Jessicap (Mar 19, 2011)

Just do what I do... If you start reading a link that seems to be going negative, go to another thread. That is the great thing about a forum, you can go from room to room, you don't have to participate if you don't want to, and if someone says something you don't like, who cares... They don't really know you and you don't REALLY know them, it isn't like you will run into them everywhere you go. You run into negative people everywhere. Once I know who they are I just learn to avoid them. 

I also am one to look for the Good in ever situation and if I do not have something good to say, I will chose to say nothing. There is alot of GOOD here, with a little bad, so I choose to only look and participate with the GOOD.


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## dmmj (Mar 19, 2011)

You can stay, you can go, it is your choice, personally I have never understood getting so upset on something online that you (I am not saying you in specific just you as people in general) would leave a forum, I hope that did not sound mean or rude, for it was not intended that way. Stay and contribute or go and don't contribute I don't see it more completed than that.


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## Terry Allan Hall (Mar 19, 2011)

Hmmm...must've missed the hoohaw, but I think we should ALL realize that we Tort-fanatics should stick together...


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## ALDABRAMAN (Mar 20, 2011)

We all have choices. This forum is not for all, I have found it interesting!


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## bikerchicspain (Mar 21, 2011)

I love this forum, you get to know people from all over the world, and everyone shares their knowledge..


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## Angi (Mar 21, 2011)

I love this forum. I have learned everything I know about tortoises and turtles here. Before I found TFO I was so confused. People here have been so kind to me giving me advice about my torts, turtle and dog. I even got lots of caring posts when my son was in a car accident. If you don't stay for yourself stay for your torts. I wish everyone with a tort or turtle would spend a little time here. There would be a lot less messed up tort if they did. We have all seen those ugly pictures of torts in bad shape. And messed up was not the firtst word that came to mind.


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## Isa (Mar 21, 2011)

kyryah said:


> I think that the reason that ANYONE should stay is this - there are over SIX THOUSAND members on this forum. Many of them are here looking for help and wanting to collaborate with others on how to best care for their tortoise. We also have a strong core of experienced members that GIVE that up to the minute help that others need.
> 
> Yes, occasionally there is tension. This last week has been one of the worst in all of my years as a member, and for a new Moderator, it was especially stressful. But I love it here. I take pride in TFO and I am proud to be a member of a community that cares so much about the loves of MY life - my tortoises. I am grateful every day for the knowledge i find here that adds to my own.
> 
> So seriously, what in the world is the point of leaving because 1% of our members may have had a disagreement? To me, that seems very, very silly.



Really nice post Kristina! I really like it and I find it very true


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