how do you get through a great loss

terryo

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If this isn't the right place to post this, just delete it. It doesn't matter......just felt the need to ramble on.....
Every now and then I wake up and want to live again. Then, sometimes the sleepless nights come and I can't breathe. Does it ever end? It's just a part of who I am now, but I'm still lacking understanding of the whole mess.
To feel loss is devastating,
To overcome loss is a struggle,
To live through the pain,
A miracle.

When grief and unhappiness surround you there is a way to help. Think of all the things that you loved....the first time you held him in your arms, the first time he looked at you with those adoring eyes and smiled. When you held out your arms and he took those first unsteady steps. His first home run, when you saw the expression on his face and you laughed so hard you cried. And just when you think you can't bear any more think of one more memory. How he danced with you at his wedding. Now you know there is nothing you can't endure. You are strong.

He was not just the local junkie. He was my baby, my toddler, my little boy, my crazy teenager, a wonderful Dad, and son who loved everyone, except himself, and it was my privilege to be his Mother.

It's just so hard. Life is going on around me like nothing happened. But it did happen and it's never going to go away. I feel so lost without him. It's like something is missing and I can't find it.
 

Tom

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I can only guess what has happened from your post above, but I want you to know you are amongst friends who care about you.

It hurts me to see you hurting Terry, and if I had the words to ease your pain, I'd utter them immediately.

All I can do is wish for rays of warm sunshine and better days in your life. My heart is with you.
 

Tidgy's Dad

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I'm so sorry.
A good few years ago I lost my mother and both brothers in a car crash (my dad had already skipped) My whole family gone in an instant.
i'd lost my grandparents in the previous two years, I then lost my job and the girlfriend I loved so, so much.
I had my sleepless nights, my complete incomprehension of what had happened and why.
It does end. The pain will fade and you will have to bring the images back into your mind when you wish to do so. . You'll remember the good times fondly.
The feeling of loss will never go away completely, but time heals.
I had to seek therapy and medication, I could not leave my house for a while, physically could not step over the threshold into the cruel world for six weeks.
But eventually, i did.
Eventually, I resumed my life.
Finally, I came to be grateful for how lucky i was to have them in my life for the time that i did.
It's still hard when i think about it, and typing this still helps, perhaps.
But you will get stronger and you will remember the good times with joy (you already are) and the rest will sleep in your mind, when you want it too.
I guess losing a child is different and harder, it should never be the child before the parent, but I hope i understand some of your pain.
My deepest sincere condolences.
Get help if you need it, there are others going through this and people trained to help.
Best wishes, things will get better.
 

daniellenc

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I lost an uncle to addiction and watching him and my family go through it was heartbreaking. I don't think it get "better", but rather you get stronger and better at dealing with it.
 

Yvonne G

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Terry: I lost my husband and a son many years ago. It's not the same thing, but judging from the way Maggie talked and cried about losing Bob, I know she suffers terribly.

You will never forget him, and there will be times you pick up the phone to call him, but time does tend to soften the harshness. I'm so very sorry.
 

ZEROPILOT

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So sorry.
I wish I had words or even a full comprehension of your pain.
I do not.
I hope and pray that you will get through the hardest part of this and will be able to dwell on the great memories.
Memories are how we honor those that we have loved.
That's what I do. Remember.
 

Shaif

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I'm so very very sorry for all of your losses. Know that someone you have never met is feeling some tiny shade of your sorrow and wishing you strength.
 

Cowboy_Ken

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He was my baby, my toddler, my little boy, my crazy teenager, a wonderful Dad, and son who loved everyone, except himself, and it was my privilege to be his Mother.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've not lost a child, nor a sibling. From what I understand, when you suffer the loss of a child, you loose your future, when you loose a parent, the past.
For me, I've lost my past. Completely. Daily, I want to share just some silly thing with my mom,(we were very close) but she's gone. Even if it were something stupid, she'd get it and understand the why I wanted to share. My past is completely gone, but I've still got time with my future. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
 

Alaskamike

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Reaching out & expressing your grief like you did to us is a good thing.

Have patience with the platitudes of those around you - many who grieve with you. remember no matter what they say , or how unhelpful it is sometimes , their attempt is to show they care.

You will always remember , but the open wound will eventually be more of a painful scar on your heart.

I've been in grief & done grief counseling myself.

It's no shame to get help.
My sympathies are with you.
 

lisa127

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I'm so sorry for your loss. 3 years ago my nephew/Godson took his own life. I know his mom and me both felt upset that the world continued on. That's not unusual at all. I still get upset now because I feel like after 3 years no one thinks of him anymore (probably not true, just my feelings). And that's not ok....he's too important. He was here and he mattered. A lot!
"Children" should not leave this earth first. So much anger!
I am so, so sorry you are hurting. My heart hurts for you.
 

mike taylor

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Pain is real . The pain you feel will probably never heal . I take it one day at a time and think back would he have been proud or mad . Sometimes I do the things that would make him mad . Just to remember the real feelings . You can never forget or change what has happened. But in time it does change , you will smile again . But there's always going to be days where you're not going to want to get out of bed . But you have to because I'm sure he would want you to smile . We as parents have to let our kids make their decisions . Then try to guide them down the right road . It's not your fault or anyone's fault. Nobody can make the way you feel go away but do know if you need a friend you have many . I wish you the best .
 

mark1

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when my dad died he was talking to his dad ..... when my mom died she was talking to my dad ........ myself personally , I got a bunch of loved ones waiting on me , as heartbreaking and painful as their departures were , the up side is knowing we'll be together again ......... a long life is just a minute in time ...... sorry for your loss ......
 

terryo

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His girlfriend had open heart surgery and didn't make it. He followed her a year later. I have three other sons. Jimmy and his girlfriend left me a wonderful gift....their son to raise. God was good to me and I know I will see him again. This sorrow that I carry now is just a part of me that will always be there. I'm fine.....I'm a strong woman and will be OK. Just every now and then that pain comes and takes my breath away.
Thank you for sharing all your stories of your losses. I haven't been on here for a while and many of you don't know me, but this is not the first time that the people on the forum have rallied around me with their kindness.
Thank you so much.
 

wellington

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Oh Terry I am so very sorry. The loss of a child, no matter how old, has got to be the worst. I wish I could say something to help you through this. Just keep a tight hold of all those great memories. That's something that can never change or be taken away. Remember too, whatever his demons, he is at peace now and always with you.
As Tom said, you are among friends here. We do care about our tortoise forum family. We are here for you when ever you need.
A big warm squeezing hug to you.
 

MichaelaW

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His girlfriend had open heart surgery and didn't make it. He followed her a year later. I have three other sons. Jimmy and his girlfriend left me a wonderful gift....their son to raise. God was good to me and I know I will see him again. This sorrow that I carry now is just a part of me that will always be there. I'm fine.....I'm a strong woman and will be OK. Just every now and then that pain comes and takes my breath away.
Thank you for sharing all your stories of your losses. I haven't been on here for a while and many of you don't know me, but this is not the first time that the people on the forum have rallied around me with their kindness.
Thank you so much.
Terry, I don't really know you that well, but you are part of the TFO family and I just wanted to let you know you are in my heartfelt prayers. If ever you need someone to talk to, I am always here, no matter how busy I might be.
 
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