Divorce :/

[Elohi]

I totally see everyone's point. And I will say that if I were in her shoes, I may have done the same, as far as calling the other woman's husband. But I also would be kicking my husband out and filing for divorce. Trust is an extremely difficult thing to mend. My own past experiences have taught me that. But if they think they can rebuild the trust, then they should try. If it's TRULY a mutual want. I still wish you the best OP!

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Well said Tom.

 

[kathyth]

I completely agree with many and ditto to Tom's message.
Do not accept the unacceptable.
Send a message, loud and clear for everyone's sake.

Good luck to you!

 

[TommyZ]

Ive only been married 3 years, and even in that short time I can tell ya, it requires work, bending,flexibility, and in your case forgiveness too....if YOU want it. Perhaps I am more forgiving than others but I have been cheated on in a past relationship and frankly we talked over it moved on and I actually stayed together over two years after the fact, although this was of course not my wife, so a tad different.

With my wife, we had a time of some turbulance, spent a month apart...then realized the place we belonged was right where we were to start with....together.

Conversely, it could have wound up the other way and wed of split....what i can tell ya is, none of what any of us here can tell you can really be directly applied to you. I'll never be your husband none of us will ever be his wife, none of us will ever share the things you shared together.

It is in my opinion, that if you feel within yourself that you can forgive him and move on I wouldn't hold it against you. People do all kinds of stupid things all the time without thinking about the consequences. You can forgive him great if not also great, you need to look inside yourself and try to figure what you can and can't live with or without. Some people say it's just sex others say it's the worst way to hurt someone, only you can decide which side of the line you stand on.

I know its cliche, but hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me....

 

[TiyahLove]

He bought me a bouquet of roses and a card saying he's sorry and what not. I kept the card.
About an hour later I caught my daughter and son feeding the tortoises something red. Come to find out they where my roses. Lol. Went and told the hubby we had a good laugh for a while and he told me "Well at least you and the tortoises enjoyed them while they lasted"
I enjoyed how the kids and my little ones gave my husband and I a distraction from what is going on for a little while.

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It was nice for the little break and I think it gave my husband a better grip on the situation realizing what he put on the line and could have lost. Afterwords we sat down and talked about the subject for a long time and he reassured me that he does want to work everything out between us and he knows it could take forever to mend what he broke, but he is willing to take the time to make it happen.

 

[Jacqui]

Just a side note, flowers from the florist should not be given to your tortoises. They use chemicals on them.

 

[T33's Torts]

^^^^^

 

[TiyahLove]

They weren't from a florist. He got them from one of our close friends. I get flowers from him all the time for the tortoises. Don't worry before I started buying flowers from him for this reason I made 100% sure they're all natural with no chemicals or nasty stuff. (He always brands one of the stems with his initials so I know they came from him) he and his wife garden year round. His set up is amazing. He has an addition to his house that's almost like a green house. He has a glass roof for natural sunlight and he has tons of tube uvb lights.

I think he's a member on here too not sure though. He has 5 leopard tortoises that he gardens for as well.

Hey! I know all this stuff which is why I'm extra careful about what I feed my babies. As soon as I got the flowers I was curious where he got them lol. Which is why I didn't flip my lid when I saw the kids feeding the torts roses.

 

[mike taylor]

Well it sounds like everything is gonna work out .

 

[Grandpa Turtle 144]

I left my 2 nd ex wife for 6 months I called her and told her missed my kids and I would pay for what I did ! She said how long would I pay well for 3 years everything ended with you cheated on me , so at the end of 3 years of herring her say the same thing every day for the whole time I SAID GOOD BYE and started a life without the wife !

 

[milkandsam]

I really hope everything works out for you. I am just hoping he doesn't break your heart again.

 

[bettinge]

I should probably keep my mouth shut, but what the heck, it's a tortoise forum!

Your husbands girlfriend did not cheat on you, your husband did! It's him you need to reconcile with. Temptation does not end with this one woman, it ends with his desire to be with other woman! Fix that, not the other woman.

So your tortoise ate rose petals? Really, I never tried them.

 

[TiyahLove]

Re: RE: Divorce :/

I should probably keep my mouth shut, but what the heck, it's a tortoise forum!

Your husbands girlfriend did not cheat on you, your husband did! It's him you need to reconcile with. Temptation does not end with this one woman, it ends with his desire to be with other woman! Fix that, not the other woman.

So your tortoise ate rose petals? Really, I never tried them.

Yes it's his fault and hers as well. She used to be a Co worker and knew I was with him with children. Yes I realize a lot of those things and we have both taken the first step in working forward not just for ourselves but children to and we both know that either one of us could step out of the relationship at any time.

Yes my little ones love roses. I give them to them on ocassion. Make sure they are naturally grown with no chemicals like Jaqui said, I get mine from someone that grows them for the public and his animals at home so I know they don't have chemicals.

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And in our counseling session today we got to the bottom of our problems and where the temptation came from in the first place.
I'm just glad he took the initiative to start to work on the problems he has caused and how he plans on mending it all. He knows it won't happen over night and I am glad he understands that. He says he knows it may take forever but he will take as long as it needs to repair the damage. I'm hurt, but as anything does it gets better with time. Divorce or not it will get better and I will continue to keep my head held high for myself and my children.

 

[goReptiles]

My dad cheated on my mom when I was like 9 or so. It was he** for a LONG time. She told the other woman's husband or somehow my mom and that guy chatted about the whole ordeal. My parents stayed together. It seemed fine. They both said they wanted to fix things.

Fast forward to a few years ago when I was about 24. He cheated again with my then best friend who was 26. He told me that the marriage had been dead and he had not been happy for years. He was only there for me and my handicapped brother. My friend divorced her husband, and months later found out she was pregnant. My dad divorced my mom. The two married, and I have a two year old sister.

The point being. My mom never trusted him again. Neither were happy only thought they were happy. It was merely survival.

My mom is much happier now, or appears to be. My dad seems the same as always; he can be hard to read and since I don't live with him can't truly assess his relationship. He's much more possessive over his new wife than he ever appeared to be over my mom.

It is worth trying for the kids, but the kids can't be the reason why you want to stay together. I've been the kid in the situation. My parents were together for about 26+ years before they realized enough was enough.

You have to be able to forgive both parties or you will never be able to move forward. I've been cheated on too and until you can forgive both people, it will always been on the back of your mind even if he never talks to the other person again. Temptation is everywhere. You have to be comfortable with you and him regardless.

Good luck

 

[jennanne]

From the view point of a child who went through a parents divorce, I have to say it was horrible. But, four years later ALL of our lives are better, not just my parents. I know it's none of my business, but sometimes it's better to have a happy home even if the parents are separated. I love both my parents with all my heart, and even though it sucked, I'm glad it happened, just a thought.

 

[dds7155]

My wife puts up with all my toys , and i Love her ,she never complained when i would bring home another pair of blue and Golds or a pair of greys , when i wasn't able to hand feed some babies ,she would pack them off to work and feed them through the day and night, these day she always ask me if the tortoises need anything,,and the flip side ,i support her in what ever she is doing ,marriage takes both people ,, dont give up ,,

 

[jjnks kids]

Sorry. I really wish the best for you both.