Does anyone have anger issues/prone to violence?

orv

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The appropriate answers are different for each of us. Our life experiences lead us down very different paths. The thing to realize is that each of us is responsible for our own destinies. I came of age in the mid 1960's . . . my world probably seems irrevelant to your current life choices, but although nearly six decades separates us, our life choices remain much the same. I grew up as the oldest of five boys to an angry, alcoholic father. I wanted nothing more than to get out of my parent's home. Sound familiar? For me, I found that joining the military was the appropriate answer. I was a Corpsman, stationed with the 3rd Marine Division in Vietnam. I learned self discipline quickly , and through this I became a man. My brothers in arms became more important than my self. We lived for one another while living through some very tough times. The military can offer the tools and education to help you mature and be successful. Today I have two sons who are career military officers, one a major and the other a colonel. They are the progeny of a mean, old non-com father; we love one another dearly. They are fathers themselves today. There are many paths to success, and they require planning and focus. Put your head down, your anger in a pocket and get out there and build success. I see you as the type of guy who can do it!
 

NewTortEnthusiast

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The appropriate answers are different for each of us. Our life experiences lead us down very different paths. The thing to realize is that each of us is responsible for our own destinies. I came of age in the mid 1960's . . . my world probably seems irrevelant to your current life choices, but although nearly six decades separates us, our life choices remain much the same. I grew up as the oldest of five boys to an angry, alcoholic father. I wanted nothing more than to get out of my parent's home. Sound familiar? For me, I found that joining the military was the appropriate answer. I was a Corpsman, stationed with the 3rd Marine Division in Vietnam. I learned self discipline quickly , and through this I became a man. My brothers in arms became more important than my self. We lived for one another while living through some very tough times. The military can offer the tools and education to help you mature and be successful. Today I have two sons who are career military officers, one a major and the other a colonel. They are the progeny of a mean, old non-com father; we love one another dearly. They are fathers themselves today. There are many paths to success, and they require planning and focus. Put your head down, your anger in a pocket and get out there and build success. I see you as the type of guy who can do it!

Thank you orv, again you have given me thoughtful words. I can't stop saying thank you. I didn't expect everyone to offer their own options and advise to my problems. I expected other people to glance at this thread, maybe share their problems. But this has become more than that. This, all of this has helped me dearly.

I thank each and every one of you with all my heart. I wish I could meet some of you, or people like you. I personally live in an OK neighborhood, but to find people like everyone here on TortoiseForum, I would have to venture far.
 

LaLaP

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I agree! Everyone on this forum is so kind and loving! It's very inspiring!

I thought I'd add my 2 cents... I was a very angry young adult and I felt like anger and apathy was all I could feel and they fed on each other and I was stuck in an endless loop. One of the things that was so hard was trying to figure out how I was going to have a normal future when I felt so messed up. Well... if I could go back and tell myself one thing I would say : Don't stress so much about how your current problems will affect your future because it will change. It WILL change! Just when I started to learn to live in my anger/apathy loop it was gone. Replaced by a new emotional hurtle that seemed to be my new mode for the future... then THAT changed. And eventually things just naturally got easier.
Sounds like you've found some healthy ways to calm yourself and focus your energy. I think that would have been helpful to me. I eventually got really into rock climbing and I channeled all that crazy energy into climbing but I wish I'd found it sooner... it would have helped. I guess I recommend trying new things to find something you love too. I think I would have liked something like kick boxing to get out all my anger... I felt some violence boiling down inside of me and it would have been great to kick it and punch it out. I used to go to the recycling center and smash the glass!! It felt so good!! Haha!! Find a good, fun outlet for your rage!
 

Turningstar

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I applaud you for posting this. It shows that you recognize something about yourself that you would like to change, and thats the first step to making those changes.
First, as some others have said, its very normal to feel this way as a young man growing up. Its neither right nor wrong. I cant imagine coming of age today in the age of social media. As a somewhat well adjusted adult, I couldnt even handle it. I had to stop using facebook. Society has changed dramatically, and I cant imagine how challenging that must be for young people.
All I can say is, be happy with yourself. Dont let others make you feel inferior without your permission. If your dream job is to be a crime scene cleaner, then focus your mind and energy into getting there, so that when youre 21, you can start your carreer with a bang. Enjoy your youth, for it disappears faster than you can imagine. Enjoy your tortoises. Animals are what helped me through a rough childhood. They can help center you.
Just a thought....
Can you check the library to find anger management books? Perhaps theres something in them that may help you without involving outside influences.
 

Bee62

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Hi, sorry but I have no perfect "recipe" for you to control your anger. But as Tom said: Don`t let the anger control you, try to control your anger.
When you are old enough ( I don`t know how old you are ) and you want to leave school because school makes you angry, do it and find a job. Maybe you are interested in cars ? Repairing cars is not a bad job. You need something you can be proud of. You need to be proud of yourself, what you do, what you are. When you are proud of yourself you don`t have to be angry because of other stupid people.
I hope that you will find your way in this jungle of life. It is not easy and it is even harder for a young man.
Glad you bought your torts and that they mean so much to you. Glad you found this foŕum and us. We are here when you want to talk to someone. We will always try to help you.
Please accept an electronic hug.
 

Maro2Bear

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I would also suggest that if your goal is oriented toward crime scene cleaner, it might be good to explore options to volunteer with forces and orgs associated with that business. Hospitals, police forces, fire house EMT’s, etc all have various non-paid positions that you can seek out now to build your resume. Don’t put all your “career eggs” into one basket. Summer is a great time to volunteer at many of these places. Police and fire houses seek volunteers, and working PT in a hospital, even just bed side assistance or lab prep or lab cleanup gives you an insight and opens doors. Use your energy to your favor, don’t let it build up.

Good luck..!
 

ZEROPILOT

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Looking at the replies, It seems to be fairly common for young men to have anger issues.
What we seem to have in common is that most of it faded away with time.
We all want to help.
And we all wish you the best.
I wish I had the answer that you need and that I could put that into words in this form.
 

ZEROPILOT

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I was an angry young man growing up too. Life tried to serve me a steaming sh*t sandwich and I wasn't having it. Its a wonder I survived the teen years and early 20s.

Two things got me through those years:
  1. I learned to control my anger and harness it. It was always boiling just below the surface, but I kept it contained until I wanted to unleash it. You can control your anger, or your anger can control you. Your choice. I chose to use my anger. To this day it is my primary motivation tool. I use it to push myself through difficult situations and get sh*t done. Like any powerful tool, it can get out of hand. Learn to use it for good purposes. This may sound strange to some people, but I'll bet you get exactly what I mean.
  2. Hobbies. I had lots and lots of hobbies. I was on the go doing something, planning something, always thinking ahead and preoccupied with many different hobbies all at the same time. SCUBA diving, shooting, skate boarding, paintball, motocross, karate, aquariums, snakes, lizards, tortoises, tarantulas, roaches, protection dog training, street bikes, and I always had my music. Different music to suit different moods. I also had a girlfriend from about the age of 15. Right or wrong, girls occupied my mind and kept my thoughts away from the things that made me angry.
I hope something in this helps you find a coping mechanism. Its not abnormal for young men to be angry about stuff. Trying to extinguish the anger, or not be angry, is futile in my experience. Controlling your anger and using it to your advantage makes much more sense to me.
Well said. Tom.
 

ZEROPILOT

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This morning i woke up to check on Steve and George in their tubs. When i took off the lids they both walked up to me, aware that I was either gonna give them food or a soak. That made me really happy, almost cried.
That's cool.
If I dropped over, dead in my tortoise pen, I'm pretty sure mine couldn't care less.
 

TriciaStringer

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My parents yelling and hitting me stems from our hispanic background. My father wouldn't really care about it and say a few words and that would be it. My mother on the other hand would refuse to leave my room until I give her the perfect answer to her questions that don't exist. It will put her in a bad mood. I'm not saying all hispanic parents are this way, just we do things differently than a white family or a black family or any other kinds of families; not the most understanding and wanting to help, more like "why do you feel this way? what's wrong with you? Tell me what's wrong right now" and continues to ask the same questions over and over again getting more angry, never excepting the answer you give them. Then after maybe 2 hours its all over and we forget about it.

My parents would also dislike the fact they would have to take me to anger management courses. An extra thing that they would agree I don't need, just based on the hassle of driving over there or having to pick me up later.

And I love Dirty Jobs. And I don't know if I could get a scholarship from Mike Rowe if I'm wanting to be a crime scene cleaner. I wouldn't be old enough until roughly the middle of college (have to be 21 to be a crime scene cleaner), that's a long time to wait for my job opportunity. Plus to be a crime scene cleaner all you need is a high school diploma or equivalent.
Mike Rowe is one of my favorite people on this planet. Definitely apply.
There are lots of other jobs you can do in the meantime. You love animals and caring for them, what about a zoo, vet clinic, or maybe test to work for the state. My niece is working for the state while in college. They are working around her schedule.
I’ll be praying for you to have peace and calm.
 

NewTortEnthusiast

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This is just amazing. All of you nice people are here telling me.. sorry I am just so happy all of you are here. I would never, and I mean never, find any friends and lovely people like you in real life. Never.

Regardless of what I end up doing, either it being animal care directly, or using my money to feed and house my pets, I will do everything in my power to give these beautiful animals the best lives possible.
 

Bee62

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This morning i woke up to check on Steve and George in their tubs. When i took off the lids they both walked up to me, aware that I was either gonna give them food or a soak. That made me really happy, almost cried.
I got the picture you describe. Its the same I experience every morning with my torts: Switching on their lights they slowly awake, stretching their legs and yawning several times. Torts are so relaxed that it is relaxing watching them !
I am glad that your cute torts make you so happy. You can be proud to be such a good tort "dad".:)
 

lilly_sand99

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It seems we aren't too far in age, and the last 2 years of high school are sh!t, there is no two ways about it. It is the time for you to have your whole darn life planned out till the age you retire, and at that point we don't even have our brains fully developed! We aren't even halfway grown into the people we are supposed to be yet! (At 25 our brains stop devepoling.) And all the pressure to have life figured out by the time i was graduating was the most maddening experience of my life. I am the most docile person on earth, and it made me wanna fight people. So just find your chill (like you seem to of found in your tortoises), and just be along for the ride my friend. And find your chill in something that you will be proud to tell your children/grandchildren!!
 

Pastel Tortie

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It's taken me over a week to figure out what to say and how to say it in a reply... because there is so much I want to say. This thread really struck a chord with me, and judging from the numerous lengthy responses, it struck a chord with many here.

I recently delurked and registered as a member on TFO so I could "join the conversation." This was one of those threads I wanted speak up on. Please take it as a compliment (all of you) that the posts on this thread helped motivate me to find my voice (and finally register) so I could join the conversation.

I admire you for reaching out and articulating what so many individuals are reluctant to say or admit.

I will probably break this into multiple posts because there is much I've been wanting to say, and the previous responses have inspired my brain on other tangents that may still be relevant.
 

Pastel Tortie

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I have a sneaking suspicion that it isn't the anger management section of the library that would do you the most good... I don't believe that's the underlying issue. And if you did check out anger management books from the library, I get the feeling you probably would not finish them (and possibly feel bad that you didn't). Don't feel bad if you don't finish them.

Call it a hunch, but I want to point you to a specific book (not about anger management), and you don't have to read all of it, and you don't have to read it in order. (The authors don't expect you to.) Just a few pages from any chapter, and you'll have a sense of whether this is on the right track.

Delivered from Distraction
By Edward Hallowell and John Ratey

If you can't find that one, their prior book, Driven to Distraction, will do.

There's a copy on my bookshelf, for very good reason: I see me in it. My brain really is wired differently than most... It wasn't my imagination. I know that feeling... The self-awareness of high intelligence and incredible potential... coupled with the anger and frustration of not being able to realize your potential... and not being able to identify or explain why.

So, please humor me... Find the book and read the checklist or a few pages of whatever chapter(s) you find interesting... and let me know if it strikes a chord.
 

KarenSoCal

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