A new
priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The
monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip.'
So
next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon
his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on
the door:
1) Sip
the vodka, don't gulp.
2)
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3)
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus
was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob
wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6)
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7)
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the spook.
8)
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of
him.
9)
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ***.
10)
We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and
eat it for this is my body.' He did not say 'Eat
me'.
12)
The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13)
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, Yeah God.
14)
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
Taffy's.
priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The
monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip.'
So
next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At
the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon
his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on
the door:
1) Sip
the vodka, don't gulp.
2)
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3)
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus
was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob
wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6)
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7)
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the spook.
8)
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of
him.
9)
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ***.
10)
We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and
eat it for this is my body.' He did not say 'Eat
me'.
12)
The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13)
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, Yeah God.
14)
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.
Taffy's.
