Jokes

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dmmj

The member formerly known as captain awesome
10 Year Member!
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Aug 15, 2008
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A man pulled up to a stop sigh and did a rolling stop. A police officer saw this infraction and decided to pull over the individual.
"excuse me sir, but you didn't stop at that last stop sign" stated the officer. "Yes sir i didn't stop completely but I did slow way down" replied the man. "Sir, please step out of the car and put your hands on the hood of the car!" scared shitless the man does as the officer asked. The police officer stepped behind him, drew out his nigh stick and began to spank the living hell out of the driver.
"Now,(smack) do you (smack) want me to stop (smack) or slow down (smack)?"

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That’s twice.'"
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead. I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed the man a citation, and then as he turned to walk back to his cruiser, the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man.
"Um, yeah... so," the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"
 
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