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Discussion in 'Off Topic Debates' started by Vishnu2, Jul 25, 2012.

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  1. Vishnu2

    Vishnu2 Member 5 Year Member

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    So, without explaining or giving a long drawn out story I am curious, men and women forum people.

    Why do men cheat?

    I know that there are theories of why women cheat and then why men do it. But, I am curious why you think. Or if you have and want to confess, why you did it.

    Thanks,

    Vishnu
  2. Yvonne G

    Yvonne G Old Timer TFO Admin 10 Year Member! Platinum Tortoise Club

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    I don't think the male human animal was meant to be monogamous. I believe it takes quite a bit of will power to resist if the temptation is put in front of him.
  3. Vishnu2

    Vishnu2 Member 5 Year Member

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    This makes me ever so sad.
  4. dmmj

    dmmj The member formerly known as captain awesome Moderator 10 Year Member!

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    Real men don't cheat. A real man is to busy finding ways to show his love to his wife/GF to think about cheating.
    mike taylor likes this.
  5. wellington

    wellington Well-Known Member Moderator 5 Year Member Tortoise Club

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    My ex cheated. That's why he's the ex LOL they cheat because they are a-holes. That's all I can print on here. The rest that I want to say, the mods would just delete:D.
    [hr]
    If only there were more real men.
  6. CourtneyAndCarl

    CourtneyAndCarl Well-Known Member 5 Year Member

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    That sounds a little disgusting from a human standpoint but from a scientific one, it makes complete and total sense.
  7. mctlong

    mctlong Well-Known Member Moderator 5 Year Member

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    Amen!
  8. wellington

    wellington Well-Known Member Moderator 5 Year Member Tortoise Club

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    Let me clarify. I don't mean all men. I mean the ones that cheat, which does include a lot of them but not all:D
  9. CLMoss

    CLMoss Active Member 5 Year Member

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    Yes, they need to pass those genes around.
  10. ascott

    ascott Well-Known Member 5 Year Member

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    Well, I am likely going to sound a bid off key here....I being a woman, can completely understand why and how both women and men cheat...completely.

    It is 100% choice. I just wish that when a woman or a man decide that their interests have changed paths, that the woman or man would have enough respect for themselves as well as their then partner to simply state it, deal with the moment (after all, it only takes a few sentences to be up front with another person) and part, if that is what should result, and move on with each persons life....while the moment may be annoying and sometimes hurtful---there is no way to really be mad at someone for their feelings changing....

    On another note, I decided years ago that from what "I" observed in my life and surrounding people that come and go in my life (along with the ones that stay an active part of my life in some role or another for years or always) monogamy is an ideal that we as humans just are not designed to do happily...now before you all jump on me....lol....what I mean is that I have seen a "few" people in relation to a world of people, that endure one another, that put up with one another, that moan and groan and truly despise one another---but then pronounce they have been together for 50 years---and those same people can sit right across from one another at a restaurant and never look and each other, never have general conversation with each other and that to me is the sad part....I often wonder if people remain in this type of relationship simply because of fear of being "alone" when they are old---well, in all reality when we leave this conscious life we do it alone....so, wow to me unless you are the very lucky to find your true friend in this life and for a lifetime, what a waste of so few days we are all given....I personally would rather be alone than badly accompanied...

    I think that people that earn the title "cheat" simply are people who were really not matched up with their life long friend and companion--the person you simply would not want to do a day without---the person that is in total step with you---the person that you turn to for all things in life, good and bad---the person you simply would not could not imagine being in this world without....to me that would be a match that you would never even entertain the thought of tainting with the betrayal of a hurt you can never take away, a hurt you can never erase. Once you have that completeness in your life then there simply is no reason to believe that two people can feel the same forever...after all, you can not be tempted if that thought never reaches your brain or heart...just my thoughts and in no way expect anyone to accept or reject my thoughts......:D
    Myroli likes this.
  11. acrantophis

    acrantophis Member 5 Year Member

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    I am a forty year old male. I have never cheated on a girl in my life. I have been married now for ten years. To a woman who is my best friend. Do I find other women attractive? Duh, yes. I work as a personal trainer in southern California. I get bombarded every day. We are animals. It is wired in all male animals brains to spread your genes with other potentially good genetic pairings. But I truly love my wife. I sleep every night like a baby knowing that there are no skeletons in my closet. No late night phone calls to get me in trouble. I would be devastated if my wife cheated on me. How could I do that to her? Some men have no honor. I see it at the gym every day. I hate drama and I love my life. Nothing is worth risking that.
  12. CLMoss

    CLMoss Active Member 5 Year Member

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  13. cljohnson

    cljohnson Member 5 Year Member

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    I realize I am one of the lucky few.
    I actually found the person Angela speaks of.
    The trick I found is to fall in love with your best friend.
    25 years ago I needed a place to stay and she needed help paying rent. We met through a mutual friend and became roommates.
    We soon became best friends and inseparable.
    We both dated other people for about a year but had each other to come home to confide in and share with.
    We realized we just might be waisting time looking for something we already had.
    We've been married 23 years now.
    The thought of cheating does actually repulses me.
    I would only be cheating myself out of something I could never find again.
  14. ascott

    ascott Well-Known Member 5 Year Member

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    Poetry....;)
  15. Tom

    Tom The Dog Trainer 5 Year Member Platinum Tortoise Club

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    Men cheat for the same variety of reasons that women cheat. Because they are not getting their needs met by their current partner, and they lack the strength of character or strength of will to do the right thing. This "having your needs met" concept can be different things to different people. Sometimes there are substantial, valid deficiencies, but other times the most arbitrary reasons are cited, basically as an excuse. Either way, cheating is never okay. If your needs are not being met, whatever they are, then the relationship should be ended, so you are free to go your own way with a clear conscience. Often the legal system, children and serious financial concerns are enough to deter people from ending a relationship that really should be ended. I don't find this to be a valid excuse, but it does explain some things that were previously difficult for me to understand.

    I totally understand people who don't want to commit or be tied down. No problem with that, just don't promise to be faithful to someone. On the other hand, if you do promise, then simply don't cheat.
  16. Vishnu2

    Vishnu2 Member 5 Year Member

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    My story:

    I grew up in a small town in Texas, got pregnant at the ripe age of 16 and had a beautiful daughter at the age of 17. I married her father who left the next morning and joined the Marine Corp without my knowing. He did this to be smart and avoid child support. He met some woman in Florida where he ended up stationed for awhile and 6 years later after my saving up I paid for our divorce.

    During this time, while I was married to Danny I started dating someone else. He was 12 years my senior. I was in love. We dated 10 years. Finally, that relationship ended due to him sleeping with my youngest sister who now resides in NH. I saved up (again) and left Texas and him behind taking my daughter with me to Colorado.

    6 years ago I met the man of my dreams. After a few short months we married on 7/7/7 and had a secret Vegas wedding. Not knowing about our Vegas Wedding we then married again on 11/11/07 for his families benefit. I had been trying for 10 years to have children and was not successful (W/Travis). In 2009 I had children for him.

    About, 1 1/2 years ago I caught him in an emotional cheating situation between 2 women that he met online. I couldn't prove anything physical so I forgave his actions. He asked me for a separation and I begged him to stay for me and for our children. He moved out for 3 days and quickly returned stating he loved me to much to go.

    About 4 months ago, I was taking him to the airport (he has a travel position for his job) and my oldest daughter called me crying, begging me to hurry home. When I arrived home, all 3 of my children were waiting outside in the dark on the front porch. She quickly handed me the Galaxy Tablet that my husband let her borrow and I started reading his messages on FB. Him and another woman from his home town had been talking. About naughty things. I instantly sent him a text and he declined all knowledge. I took a picture of the messages with my camera phone and when he returned we started marriage counseling.

    Now to present day: Last night I was lying in bed and I got the urge to check his FB. My gut told me to. I am unsure even now why I got the urge. Him being out of town in his home town this week for his grandma's funeral I knew I wouldn't get busted. I signed on, and checked his email. There was nothing. I was simply relieved. However, my oldest daughter pointed out I should check his archive. When I did, I noticed an email that was deleted from his Iphone.

    He had slept with another woman, gotten her pregnant and she had lost the baby. She wanted him to know. I didn't see a response from him but my heart was broken. Today, I made the decision to write her and let her know that I was sorry for her loss. I don't know perhaps, I am a weird person but losing a baby is hard and I wanted her to know that I was truly sorry for her loss. She lost this baby last month.

    You might be asking yourselves did she reply back? Yes, she did. She told me that she drove to CT where he had traveled to a FEW times and they had slept together. The woman that he had an emotional affair with 4 months ago was actually her ex-best friend and she didn't know about them being together. When doing the timing he had been using them both at the same time. I still don't know if he slept with her but I am guessing so.

    I don't know what to do. I have 2 young children. I don't handle to being cheated on well and my past history leads to me filing for divorce or just leaving.

    However, I do know one thing. I am showing up to my appointment tomorrow to be tested for STD's. :/
  17. bigred

    bigred Well-Known Member 5 Year Member

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    Have you ever seen the show cheaters, my wife and I watch it sometimes. Most people have the opportunity to cheat, Yes girls to. I would never do this to my wife, Its just to hurtful and wrong and the guilt that comes with that im sure is not good
  18. Vishnu2

    Vishnu2 Member 5 Year Member

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    He is very sorry (of course) but this is getting old. His words aren't trustworthy. I have no trust for this man. Which I am sure is normal. He wants to see a counselor as soon as he gets back home from New York. He wants to save our marriage. But, does he really is the question?!?[hr]
    Yep, that show was originally from Dallas, Texas.
  19. bigred

    bigred Well-Known Member 5 Year Member

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    Sorry to hear about your situation, I was with a woman along time ago and I couldnt believe a word that came out of her mouth. Trust is a huge part of a relationship. Have you ever heard of the super glue while sleeping trick
  20. BowandWalter

    BowandWalter New Member 5 Year Member

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    My first boyfriend when I was 16 cheated on me, on our one year anniversary. He lied and tried to cover it up, sadly (for him) I was, and still am close friends with all of his friends. They are all large strapping football playing sorts, and apparently defending my honor amused them more then staying friends with him. Revenge is a dish best served when your roommates fill your bed with ice and sit on you...
    My suggestion would be to run, cheaters rarely stop cheating.
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