Please review my Wikipedia article

[Madkins007]

I have been working on a new article on red-footeds for Wikipedia, and I would appreciate any feedback-

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Madkins007/sandbox&pe=1&

I am waiting for approval on a couple photos, but would love to have some more options. For example, I would LOVE photos for:
- the top of the article, especially an adult in a naturalistic habitat
- sexual characteristics (ideally one side-by-side photo of plastrons)

Understand that if you offer a photo, it will be posted under Wikipedia's rules for use... whatever the heck they are.

Anyway- feedback away!!!!! Factual errors, formatting stuff, spelling, sentences that just don't work right, whatever- bring it on!

(Just remember- everything has to be verifiable from a trusted source and forums don't count- in fact, most websites don't either or I would just cite the Library for everything!)



Background that may be boring:
Wikiproject Turtles grades turtle-related entries, and gave the existing page a C.

According to the goals of the WikiProject, the existing article does not have enough about the natural history of the animal, so I have a nice long bit for all that... which kinda bugs me because like an idiot I started that about a year ago then like an idiot I used it in the Library- now I cannot just copy/paste it to Wikipedia. Sigh.

I MAY hit denticulata next, since all the books on red-footeds I have talk about them as well.

 

[Mgridgaway]

A very well-detailed, extremely interesting read. I even learned a few new things!

Just a few notes:

1) Sometimes the style dipped a little into the informal side. This'll probably be ironed out by other contributors when the page goes live. Also, I noticed that sometimes it sounded a little too "how-to" for wikipedia. This was primarily in the captive life segments.
2) While it's technically author's choice, most North American sources use double quotations instead of single quotations. Wikipedia contributors will likely change this very quickly.
3) Quick spelling error "They are also loosing territory due to habitat destruction" should be losing.
4) "They widely collected from the wild for the pet trade but this has become somewhat less of an issue as several ‘farms’ have started raising them in semi-wild conditions, and many keepers are breeding them in captivity" needs to be rewritten. How about:

In the past, many were collected from the wild for the pet trade; more recently, however, breeding "farms" have started raising them in semi-wild conditions, and many keepers are breeding them in captivity, reducing the strain on wild populations.

or something similar?


As always, my editorial experience is available to you should you need it If you want me to look at a specific chunk, just let me know.

 

[wheezysmomma]

Hey wondering if you would like a photo of Wheezy for your article as the what happens to your tort if it's not cared for properly? Up to you if you would I'd be happy to give one to ya if not that's ok too just I know I searched and never found any pics as bad as him and was really searching to compare how bad his was. Anywhoo good article!

 

[GeoTerraTestudo]

Hi Mark,

You have added some great, new information to the existing Wiki on redfoot tortoises. I especially liked your paragraph about Population Features, and the parts about redfoots in captivity.

As for pictures, you are welcome to the picture I've shown in other threads here on TFO, of a wild adult male redfoot tortoise in Venezuela. Length of male was about 30 cm SCL. Weight unknown. Location was San Fernando de Apure, in the southern region known as Los Llanos ("plains" in Spanish). Habitat type was gallery forest along a creek in the plains. Date was March 2001. Please just copyright the photo under my name.

You are also welcome to pictures of the redfoot I had in Florida, although I expect you have plenty of photos with your own pet redfoots.

 

[allegraf]

You are the smartest man I know right now.

 

[terryo]

I agree with Allegra. Fantastic article!! I have some nice pictures of Pio out in the garden, if you want any.

 

[Nixxy]

Looks very professional.

 

[Madkins007]

Matt- thanks! The whole single/double quotes thing is a pain. I also know my tone is inconsistent- given half a chance I will write in a too formal tone with tones of commas and passive sentences.

I made the other changes, and would appreciate any other suggestions.

Wheezy- I appreciate the offer, but probably won't do it there- although I may use it in the Library if that is OK?

Geo- thanks! Photos of them in their native range would be great!

Allegra, terry, Anthony- thanks!

 

[Mgridgaway]

The next time I get a chance (which, mind could be a little while), I'll give it a more thorough read through and PM you any more notes I have.

Overall, it's a very exciting addition. I always thought that the redfoot wikipedia page was a little thin. Good to see my favorite torts getting a page they deserve

 

[Madkins007]

It's been kind of interesting as a project- making sure I can document every comment, etc. and having some high-rated articles (like the wood turtle) to aspire to. It helps that i enjoy research and have more books on the subject than is probably good for me.

I've been tweaking- just did an overhaul of the 'Conservation' section, and I found a TON of good photos and diagrams! Learning how to use their WikiCommons is really helping! I even found a diagram someone did of sexing red-footeds!

 

[Mgridgaway]

Awesome! I would be interested in seeing that diagram.

Personally, I always always hated citing sources. Technical and Business writing was just the worst for me. But I'm more than willing to help a fellow member!

If only I had the internet/wikipedia when I was growing up. Kids today have it so good.

 

[wheezysmomma]

Absolutely just let me know where to send it to ya! Or grab one of his pics off my post.

 

[CLMoss]

Wonderful!

 

[CourtneyAndCarl]

"The carapace of an adult red-footed tortoise carapaces is generally" just noticed that, doesn't look right, grammatically, I think it might have just been accidental repetition. I don't know enough about the subject to find factual errors if there are any, but I have been given the loving nickname of "The Grammar Nazi" by some friends of mine that write.

 

[Julius25]

very complete.
Congrats for the job you did.

 

[Madkins007]

"The carapace of an adult red-footed tortoise carapaces is generally" just noticed that, doesn't look right, grammatically, I think it might have just been accidental repetition. I don't know enough about the subject to find factual errors if there are any, but I have been given the loving nickname of "The Grammar Nazi" by some friends of mine that write.

Got it- thanks!

 

[Redstrike]

Mark, this is very comprehensive and well done! Thanks for contributing and synthesizing this knowledge from multiple sources for all of us and others that are interested in redfoots!

 

[Madkins007]

The article is now 'live' on wikipedia as 'red-footed tortoise'.

If you check it out, please consider rating it at the end.