RIP my sweet Toffi

[Pearly]

Hi Guys, I've been wanting to put this in writing and just... couldn't!!! Completely stuck! Paralyzed! Trying to get on the Forum and participate at least welcome few new members of see if I can help some new people with feeding of sick torts or any of the common mistakes that I had made at the beginning... i open the threads, and my mind draws blank! It was towards the end of this past week (kids' Spring Break) we had lost my sweet older kitty-girl Toffi. She came to us as small kitten on a cool stormy November night back in 2001 (was 16 yrs old). She was a beautiful black tortoiseshell with a very silky coat of a bunny rabbit. I just loved petting her! Last couple of yrs we had struggled with her hyperthyroidism and despite medication regimen she was still losing weight, barely eating... i had already lost 2 wonderful cats to complications of hyperthyroidism at the age of 15. I resent that disease, but i know my sweet Toffi would have done better had i been able to embrace it and go with it as part of her aging process. That I must keep on working on. View attachment 202600 here is one of her most recent pics. Toffi was quite a clown as a kitten, loved running sideways with arched back and tail up and twitching, we called it "her crab walk". She was also a purr-machine. After few weeks of no one responding to my adds and posters all over to claim her I took her to our vet for baseline checkup and first shots, she was purring so loud the vet was not able to auscultate her heart and lungs. Her "inner rumbling" was audible from another room (not exaggerating here!) she kept purring even through her shots! But after that visit she didn't like getting in the car anymore my Sweet poor girl. She was truly special! Loved to be loved! Always readily accepting of new house pets, never hissing or showing aggression nor fear to anyone... she was just a sweet happy kitty girl! View attachment 202603 The other day she didn't come to the kitchen in the morning and I found her dead under one of the chairs she used to like to hide... her body already cold ... My husband dug a grave for her next to Shari who died exactly 1 yr ago at 17 yrs old. My children are very sad, but I am completely heartbroken! These 2 old kitty girls had been with me long before my children. They used to be MY ONLY CHILDREN to love and care for. I had planted a rose bush on Shari's grave, will get another one for my sweet Toffi and plant it. Rose or another nice flowering perennial plant. So this is the reason for my sudden "falling off" the forum and inconsistent participation. I will be back but now I must allow myself to do what I "feel like doing" in any aspect of life where this is possible. My life is so full of rigorous responsibilities which at times can wear me down, so I have developped this innocent protective mechanism to cut myself little slack where possible at times of great hardship to focus all the good joojoo in place of pain so that healing can start. View attachment 202604 this had been the daytime sleeping quarters for Toffi and Maxi. Ahhh! My soul hurts!!!!

 

[ZEROPILOT]

So sorry to hear about this Ewa.
Though I'm no cat person, I can appreciate how much she meant to you and your family and my heart breaks for you all.
You were very supportive when my dog, Chester died. I know the feeling.

 

[Yvonne G]

Aw, dang it. That's so sad. Please accept my most sincere condolences.

 

[cmacusa3]

So sorry to hear this. My thoughts and condolences.

 

[Pearly]

So sorry to hear about this Ewa.
Though I'm no cat person, I can appreciate how much she meant to you and your family and my heart breaks for you all.
You were very supportive when my dog, Chester died. I know the feeling.

Aw, dang it. That's so sad. Please accept my most sincere condolences.

So sorry to hear this. My thoughts and condolences.

Thanks Guys! I know there are no more sympathetic ears to grieving pet parents than right here. I guess, I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and need few shoulders to cry on. The kicker for me is that I only have Maxi now! One cat!!!! My normal "cat quota" has been 4-5 over the past 20 yrs... it's just weird... and I miss her! I miss all of my past pets! And i don't know why the heck the pictures didn't come out as usual! I really wanted for you to see her. I'll try again. she had been drinking a lot of water (no diabetes, we checked for it) and lately always meowing for fresh water with ice cubes in it this was one of her favorite nap spots in the living room she had started growing this "thing" on her little nose last few months, some kind of a very vascular tumor (did needle aspiration and checked under microscope) not infection, and not likely cancerous. I had been worried about that. Would put medical grade honey on it at times, she hated when i did that. she'd sleep with Maxi during a day. Nightime only when I was sleeping downstairs. For some reason she hadn't been comfortable upstairs the last few yrs she used to be pretty fat, last couple yrs she'd gone down to ½ of her prior weight always cool with other animals being brought into the house, never any signs of aggression of pee/poo outside the box, none of that! The only clean up after Toffi was her frequent throwup.i just looooved petting her silky coat! And she loved that too and she went over the Rainbow Bridge, sweetly and quietly, 2 days after her vet check up, who poked her little nose tumor, gave her nausea shot (which I was glad he did) and rabies shot... which I'm still trying to makes sense out of.... i don't know about the vet medicine, but in humans, after dealing with sick/dying people for couple decades we just KNOW when they are approaching the end of their earthly journey. I'd assume that a good Vet would do too about his patients... this has happened to my family pets 3 times! Some interventions being done and animal dying within less than 48 hrs. You know I watch those animal shows on tv about vets who seem so passionate about helping animals... and here... i have yet to meet one like that... No, it's not just the anger stage of grieving. I've been dealing with this for a long time, and trying to accept the reality. We all have bills to pay... still... but when I am with a very sick patient, money, my time, and money tied to my time don't EVER cross my mind. Uuugggghhhh!!!! I don't know!!!!! I guess I'm back on the market for a veterinarian for my remaining feline -Maxi (my white Maine Coon boy who's convinced he is mostly canine and feline body has been assigned by mistake so I'll be looking for a veterinarian for Maxi now. And sorry for the rant, i hate feeling so powerless!

 

[JoesMum]

So sorry to hear this. Big electronic hugs from across the Atlantic.

 

[ZEROPILOT]

It looks almost like Chinchilla fur.

 

[Pearly]

So sorry to hear this. Big electronic hugs from across the Atlantic.

Thank you Linda, so you have lost your TORTOISE and I have lost my TORTOISESHELL kitty girl... Oh how i miss her after just 16 yrs, can't imagine you missing Joe after few decades....

 

[Pearly]

It looks almost like Chinchilla fur.

It felt like one too!!! She used to enjoy whole raw egg every 3-4 days. I think it's what kept her coat silky soft and so lustery.

 

[surfergirl]

I am so sorry. Take as much time out as you need. I still tear up when i think of my pets who are no longer with me. I hope time will help you cope through great memories with your girls!

 

[Eric Phillips]

So sorry for your loss! My condolences. Never easy to lose a piece of the family.

 

[leigti]

I am very sorry. It is so hard to lose them.

 

[Maggie Cummings]

Please accept my sympathy. I think I understand how you must feel. Bob died 2 years ago and I still can't talk about it without tears. Close your eyes and accept an imaginary Internet hug from me. I'm really sorry. She'll be waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for you. Sittin there with Bob

 

[wellington]

So very sorry for your loss. Beautiful kitty pics. It sucks to lose a four legged family member. Just try to think of the good times and know it was filled with love.

 

[wellington]

Please accept my sympathy. I think I understand how you must feel. Bob died 2 years ago and I still can't talk about it without tears. Close your eyes and accept an imaginary Internet hug from me. I'm really sorry. She'll be waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for you. Sittin there with Bob

I totally get it. My best four legged friend and soul mate, Karashay, a dog, left me in 1993. I still cry for her. Even as I'm writing this. Sometimes they just totally steal your heart and soul and you just can't get over it.

 

[Pearly]

I am so sorry. Take as much time out as you need. I still tear up when i think of my pets who are no longer with me. I hope time will help you cope through great memories with your girls!

So sorry for your loss! My condolences. Never easy to lose a piece of the family.

I am very sorry. It is so hard to lose them.

Thank you so much for all the thoughtful comments. There was a time when I thought it was better to carry one's pain in private, but it wasn't good. Reaching out to others and letting the world know that I HURT has been quite liberating and surprisingly not making me feel quite that much more vulnerable. I so appreciate your voices of sympathy and empathy. Thank you

 

[Pearly]

Please accept my sympathy. I think I understand how you must feel. Bob died 2 years ago and I still can't talk about it without tears. Close your eyes and accept an imaginary Internet hug from me. I'm really sorry. She'll be waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for you. Sittin there with Bob

Thank you Maggie. I'm loving my "internet hug" from you.

 

[Pearly]

So very sorry for your loss. Beautiful kitty pics. It sucks to lose a four legged family member. Just try to think of the good times and know it was filled with love.

I totally get it. My best four legged friend and soul mate, Karashay, a dog, left me in 1993. I still cry for her. Even as I'm writing this. Sometimes they just totally steal your heart and soul and you just can't get over it.

Thank you, and this is so true, I also still cry for some of my past pets. It's just that this beginning of the grieving process for me is always full of struggles with "should have, would have" type of regrets, even though my conscious mind knows that I did what I could with what I had at the time. It's that "having" aspect that drives me crazy. I know I need to pull back out of modern technologies and tap back into more natural trends and values and stop feeling guilty about not being able to do give everybody "all that's best out there". Someone has to pay for that "best" and if that someone can not be myself than I should just let it go but that proves to be more challenging than what the intellectual side of my being tells me. Still there is that other non-intellectual side. The one that FEELS more than THINKS, the one that's responsible for that anguish in every time we try to grieve significant loss. I know. It's crazy.

 

[TortoiseGirl1107]

I know this is late but I understand. We moved from Australia to the USA and had to leave our dog because she was too old. One lovely lady took care of her. She was a German Short Haired Pointer and my parents had her since before I was born. She then died last year at the age of 18 and we did didn't even get to say goodbye. She had arthritis. Her sister also died but, before we left, due to kindey failure. I'm sorry for your loss and I understand how you feel.

 

[Pearly]

I know this is late but I understand. We moved from Australia to the USA and had to leave our dog because she was too old. One lovely lady took care of her. She was a German Short Haired Pointer and my parents had her since before I was born. She then died last year at the age of 18 and we did didn't even get to say goodbye. She had arthritis. Her sister also died but, before we left, due to kindey failure. I'm sorry for your loss and I understand how you feel.

Awwww... I am so sorry! And thank you for reaching out. I was moving to the US from Poland back in 1989 and had a little golden cocker spaniel girl whom I was raising from 6wk old puppy. She was 7 yrs old at the time of my immigration. She had been with me every minute of every day except for school, work and church. Took her shopping, vacations, camping, on bus, car, train, motorcycle, kayak... slept with me under my covers or inside my sleeping bag... it took months of research but I got all papers signed/translated/notarized/aproved and thank God I was able to bring her to the States. In retrospect she was probably miserable that whole trip on cargo... I had no idea then how it was being done.... she lived for only 4 more years. Died at the age of 11, 2 days after emergent spleenectomy due to tumor. It took me a very long time to get over the daily crying. I still miss her 23 yrs later. It's more peaceful grieving/missing these days without intense crying spells... I had read somewhere that and isn't that the truth?!