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Four tortoises were playing in the backyard when they decided they needed hibiscus flower snacks. They pooled their money and sent the smallest tortoise out to fetch the snacks. Two days passed and there was no sign of the tortoise.
"You know, Shellita is getting really slow", said one of the tortoises.
A little voice from just out side the fence said, " If you are going to talk about me I won't go."
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A disturbed tortoise crawls into a police station.
"I've been robbed by a murderous gang of snails, he announces.
"Calm down," says a cop. "Just tell us everything that happened."
"That's difficult," says the tortoise. "It all happened so fast!"
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At a fancy dress ball one couple came with the woman on the man's back.
"What have you come as?" asked the hostess.
"I'm a tortoise," said the man.
"A tortoise?" she asked.
"Yes. My name is Tom, and this is Michelle."
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A baby tortoise was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end.
He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch.On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.
About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds.
Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"
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very funny, I cant stop laughing at the last one. 
