Worst few months of my life

[BrookeB]

This is just a way of me venting without doing it to my family seeing as they are also hurting right now. In September I bought 4 beautiful baby tortoises (for my birthday), everything seemed fine but slowly they started to become ill, I already knew what I had done wrong, I bought from a bad source without realizing. All 4 of my babies where dead within 3 months. I asked a member here if I could buy a tortoise from him, but at the time my grandfather got into a accident. So I had to cancel. (Mid December) He rolled his car twice. At 84 years old, this was no small incident for him or my family. You see my father passed away when myself and my sisters where just very little kids, so my grandfather and my grandma had us and our mother come live with them. He was in all accounts our dad.. I have never met a better man, husband or father than this man.. he supported 5 women and never complained about us or our mother or grandmother. All we ever had from him was love and support. I moved away from my family about 4 years ago and although I miss them all the time I do get to see them practically monthly. He passed 51 days after this accident (2weeks ago) and honestly I’m mentally lost. I have two beautiful human babies to take care of but sometimes it’s hard just to think, let alone get out of bed. I have been dealing with so much loss over these past few months that I’m just not sure what to do. I really want another tortoise but at the same time I know I cannot deal with losing anything else right now. I also have no idea when or if I’ll be able to take care of a new animal. I have always looked to my animals when I am hurting, but I guess I’m just lost. I alway knew I got my love of animals from my Gampy so I guess it might just be reminding me of that as well.. But I’m lost from losing my new pets and I’m lost because I lost my father.... I’m sorry I really needed to vent and I just can’t put this on my family as they are all hurting so much right now too. Anyone have advice on coping a loss? I have never had a family member die, that I can remember and I don’t have friends, so I’ve never lost any of them lol.

 

[Tom]

I have no advice for you. Only condolences. When I lose someone, I try to focus on the good times we had, vs. the loss I feel. Also, Grampy wouldn't want you all to shut down and grieve for too long. You'll honor him best by carrying on, having happy lives, and following his example of how to be a fantastic human being.

Wishing better days for you and yours.

 

[NorCal tortoise guy]

SO sorry for your loss. I lost my grandfather this year as well.

 

[ZEROPILOT]

Start by not feeling that there is any sort of pressure to get another tortoise. There is no pressure to do anything.
Take care of yourself and your children until you can cope with all of this.
You're NOT alone in your depression or despair. I've been nearly overwhelmed myself in the past. Many people are just one more negative thing away from a total breakdown.
My father died in 2019 and my mother is not doing well and is in a home. I chose to remember the years and years of great, happy memories and not think much about her reality or the near future


You must know that there are more great things ahead. It's absolutely true. Just have faith in it.

We have a site here on this forum titled THE COLD DARK ROOM.
Its exactly the type of place to vent, talk and sometimes have fun. But it's full of friends. Many of them are also mine. I'm not sure if you're aware of it. That COLD DARK ROOM has resulted in my having several real friends that I care about very much. And a few of us discus very private matters.
You may find it helpful to speak anonymously to people there.
And I wish you happiness.

 

[Macca33]

There is no reason to apologize. You have experienced a tremendous amount of loss. I am truly sorry for that. While I do not know you, and do not wish to offend in any way, please allow me to offer this: Let yourself grieve, do not repress it. There is no right or wrong way, but it is something that we each must process when the time comes. Honor your grandpa/dad and live your life as best you can and carry on with courage. Take heart, in what comfort this may bring- You have many friends on this forum. When the time is right, you will find the right tortoise to add to your family.
If I may as well: this poem from John O'Donohue, which in my humble opinion is both beautiful and inspiring.
“Though we need to weep your loss,
You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,
Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.

Your love was like the dawn
Brightening over our lives
Awakening beneath the dark
A further adventure of color.

The sound of your voice
Found for us
A new music
That brightened everything.

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze
Quickened in the joy of its being
You placed smiles like flowers
On the altar of the heart.
Your mind always sparkled
With wonder at things.

Though your days here were brief,
Your spirit was live, awake, complete.

We look towards each other no longer
From the old distance of our names;
Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,
As close to us as we are to ourselves.

Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,
We know our soul’s gaze is upon your face,
Smiling back at us from within everything
To which we bring our best refinement.

Let us not look for you only in memory,
Where we would grow lonely without you

You would want us to find you in presence,
Beside us when beauty brightens,
When kindness glows
And music echoes eternal tones.

When orchids brighten the earth,
Darkest winter has turned to spring;
May this dark grief flower with hope
In every heart that loves you.
May you continue to inspire us:

To enter each day with a generous heart.
To serve the call of courage and love
Until we see your beautiful face again
In that land where there is no more separation,
Where all tears will be wiped from our mind,
And where we will never lose you again.”

– John O’Donohue

 

[Yvonne G]

You've had to endure a lot, and it's not fun. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I like to think of the Serenity Prayer when things go wrong:

“God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things that I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”

It may not be the best time to add a new tortoise to your family, but you will know when the time is right. In the meantime, enjoy your children and laugh at their antics.