M
Maggie Cummings
Guest
Some of you know I have been sick again, so yeah this is my fault but...
...I went out and threw Bob's grape vines at him and that had wore me out so much that I went back inside and laid down right away. I fell asleep and was happily crashed out on the couch for about 4 hours. (I know, but old people sleep good)...All the sudden there was a pounding on my door and it was a guy from up the street. He hollers at me "Bob is running away"! And, darn if there he was, going for it again. I looked and his gate was open on his expensive Bob fence. I must have not got it latched completely. It's been sticking and if I don't pay attention it doesn't latch. But how does he know it's not quite latched and why doesn't it latch when he starts messing with it? He simply has a radar about those gates. But he'd stopped pushing on them weeks ago...anyhow, for those of you who don't know Bob escapes so a $1000 fence was donated so I could keep him. He had to get the gate open, and it opens IN to his pen, so does he hook a claw and pull it open? Then he climbs up 7 stairs to the deck, knocks over my pumpkin plants walks across the deck, leaves muddy marks on the back door, down 6 stairs and...FREEDOM...off he goes up the street. This guy is a 47 yr old disabled guy with back trouble, (yeah my thinking too) but I still asked him if he thought he could pick Bob up. We steered him around so he was walking back towards the house, and got him to the stairs. The guy gives me his dog who is barking and freaking out, and he bends over, gets a grip on Bob and up he goes. Bob is an 80 pound Sulcata. So the guy is struggling with Bob and gets up the stairs and I try to get around in front to help, "Don't drop him, if you can't hold him put him down" and I try again to get around in front and again he kind of turns his body away from me, moving Bob and that's when I saw...XXX (shield your children's ears for this part) the guy had chosen to go commando that day and Bob had torn his shorts open and his package was in full view. (yep) "OMG!" I say so brilliantly. Bob's back foot is pushing right at the spot where shaft goes into the body so it's sticking right up saying hello and I get a flat out full frontal view. So again because I am such a conversationalist I repeat "OMG!" and I start laughing. Not one of my more shining moments, he says for me to stop laughing or he's gonna drop Bob, but ladies, he can't see what I can see and by now I am practically rolling on the floor. So he gets Bob into his pen, puts him down and covers himself and tries to retrieve his dignity. Now to make matters worse I don't sew and can't use a safety pin one handed so I have none of that and he has to walk home duct taped shut. As he's trying to close his shorts with the tape he says "You should be doing this", "me?" I squeak. "yes, you" he says, "Me?" I repeat...he says "yes, I think you're hot". Me? Was he really saying that stuff to me? Yep, he was. So we introduced ourselves, (altho we kinda already had) and he stayed and we visited for a bit. He tried to hug me when he left but I wasn't having any of that. But I hope you are laughing at this and getting as much enjoyment out of it as I did. Cuz, I'm still laughing...
...I went out and threw Bob's grape vines at him and that had wore me out so much that I went back inside and laid down right away. I fell asleep and was happily crashed out on the couch for about 4 hours. (I know, but old people sleep good)...All the sudden there was a pounding on my door and it was a guy from up the street. He hollers at me "Bob is running away"! And, darn if there he was, going for it again. I looked and his gate was open on his expensive Bob fence. I must have not got it latched completely. It's been sticking and if I don't pay attention it doesn't latch. But how does he know it's not quite latched and why doesn't it latch when he starts messing with it? He simply has a radar about those gates. But he'd stopped pushing on them weeks ago...anyhow, for those of you who don't know Bob escapes so a $1000 fence was donated so I could keep him. He had to get the gate open, and it opens IN to his pen, so does he hook a claw and pull it open? Then he climbs up 7 stairs to the deck, knocks over my pumpkin plants walks across the deck, leaves muddy marks on the back door, down 6 stairs and...FREEDOM...off he goes up the street. This guy is a 47 yr old disabled guy with back trouble, (yeah my thinking too) but I still asked him if he thought he could pick Bob up. We steered him around so he was walking back towards the house, and got him to the stairs. The guy gives me his dog who is barking and freaking out, and he bends over, gets a grip on Bob and up he goes. Bob is an 80 pound Sulcata. So the guy is struggling with Bob and gets up the stairs and I try to get around in front to help, "Don't drop him, if you can't hold him put him down" and I try again to get around in front and again he kind of turns his body away from me, moving Bob and that's when I saw...XXX (shield your children's ears for this part) the guy had chosen to go commando that day and Bob had torn his shorts open and his package was in full view. (yep) "OMG!" I say so brilliantly. Bob's back foot is pushing right at the spot where shaft goes into the body so it's sticking right up saying hello and I get a flat out full frontal view. So again because I am such a conversationalist I repeat "OMG!" and I start laughing. Not one of my more shining moments, he says for me to stop laughing or he's gonna drop Bob, but ladies, he can't see what I can see and by now I am practically rolling on the floor. So he gets Bob into his pen, puts him down and covers himself and tries to retrieve his dignity. Now to make matters worse I don't sew and can't use a safety pin one handed so I have none of that and he has to walk home duct taped shut. As he's trying to close his shorts with the tape he says "You should be doing this", "me?" I squeak. "yes, you" he says, "Me?" I repeat...he says "yes, I think you're hot". Me? Was he really saying that stuff to me? Yep, he was. So we introduced ourselves, (altho we kinda already had) and he stayed and we visited for a bit. He tried to hug me when he left but I wasn't having any of that. But I hope you are laughing at this and getting as much enjoyment out of it as I did. Cuz, I'm still laughing...
