Ok, i realise this is completely not tortoise buisness, but i really am at a dead loss at what to do.....
So, some of you may know i have a 19 month old daughter. I was with her father for four and a half years, became pregnant, and then basically he broke up with me because i wouldn't consider not having the baby.
Things were going well with contact between Ava and her Dad after an 8 month period of no contact, and him saying he was coming one month and turning up 5 months later. Ava visits his parents weekly for a few hours, unsupervised but i dont have a problem with this (it was built up gradually).
After the 8 months of no contact, he said that he would now see ava every 6 weeks, and i would take her every other 6 weeks (a 400mile round trip) to make it fair. So, six weeks later, and low and behold he cant see Ava. He doesnt tell me this untill i have driven 200 miles, and its the day before. A vauge argument occurs, and i somehow manage to leave it.
Now, i asked him if he will be seeing Ava over the holiday, reminding him politely that it is his turn to come here. He says 'no, but its not a problem'. Not a problem for who? and that 'you already got what you wanted she is seeing my parents every week' as if this is some kind of substitution for him not maintaining any contact.
So this time it turns into a full scale argument. Our unofficial agreement is that i will not go to the CSA or give him a hard time, so long as he is consistent in his visits. Now Ava is getting older (19 months) i feel this is becoming more of an issue as she will begin to understand who he is etc. So in a nutshell, i have told him that if he does not see her over the holiday, or cannot commit to seeing her soon after, then i will go to the CSA. I have threatened this before, but never actually gone through with it.
I just cant do this every 6 weeks. It is too much, and i dread every holiday will turn into an argument. He said he will call to discuss this properly, but he isn't 'free' untill tomorrow (this happened yesterday) so again it seems that he isn't really that bothered and doesn't think that its that important. He is only really bothered because he pays £40 a month and has been working for over a year full time while doing a part time course. If i go to the CSA he will be paying this a week, which he claims is unreasonable and cant afford it. I try not to confuse the issues of contact and maintience but if he isn't going to see Ava then as fas as i can see he is having his cake and eating it...
Do you think i'm being over dramatic? And unreasonable? It's been almost 20 months since Ava was born.
Perhaps now you will see why i do not give out relationship advice!!
Thanks
So, some of you may know i have a 19 month old daughter. I was with her father for four and a half years, became pregnant, and then basically he broke up with me because i wouldn't consider not having the baby.
Things were going well with contact between Ava and her Dad after an 8 month period of no contact, and him saying he was coming one month and turning up 5 months later. Ava visits his parents weekly for a few hours, unsupervised but i dont have a problem with this (it was built up gradually).
After the 8 months of no contact, he said that he would now see ava every 6 weeks, and i would take her every other 6 weeks (a 400mile round trip) to make it fair. So, six weeks later, and low and behold he cant see Ava. He doesnt tell me this untill i have driven 200 miles, and its the day before. A vauge argument occurs, and i somehow manage to leave it.
Now, i asked him if he will be seeing Ava over the holiday, reminding him politely that it is his turn to come here. He says 'no, but its not a problem'. Not a problem for who? and that 'you already got what you wanted she is seeing my parents every week' as if this is some kind of substitution for him not maintaining any contact.
So this time it turns into a full scale argument. Our unofficial agreement is that i will not go to the CSA or give him a hard time, so long as he is consistent in his visits. Now Ava is getting older (19 months) i feel this is becoming more of an issue as she will begin to understand who he is etc. So in a nutshell, i have told him that if he does not see her over the holiday, or cannot commit to seeing her soon after, then i will go to the CSA. I have threatened this before, but never actually gone through with it.
I just cant do this every 6 weeks. It is too much, and i dread every holiday will turn into an argument. He said he will call to discuss this properly, but he isn't 'free' untill tomorrow (this happened yesterday) so again it seems that he isn't really that bothered and doesn't think that its that important. He is only really bothered because he pays £40 a month and has been working for over a year full time while doing a part time course. If i go to the CSA he will be paying this a week, which he claims is unreasonable and cant afford it. I try not to confuse the issues of contact and maintience but if he isn't going to see Ava then as fas as i can see he is having his cake and eating it...
Do you think i'm being over dramatic? And unreasonable? It's been almost 20 months since Ava was born.
Perhaps now you will see why i do not give out relationship advice!!
Thanks