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I too will tell my father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.

The shocked bartender points a finger at the tortoise and yells, “Hey!!!!” The Sulcata responds, “You read my mind, pal.”

With kindness … and with these guys.🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

The necropsy results listed the official cause of death as “a very bad case of crabs.”

:D

Ok here’s another try …. A Cobra bit Chubbs the tegu on the leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

:D:D

There is an excellent book series by Caleb Carr called “the Alienist,” and its sequel, the “Angel of Darkness.” It’s about a psychiatrist from 1896 who helps the police catch a serial killer in NYC. TNT made a series about the award winning books. I watched and read them and would highly...

The bartender says, “what is this, some kinda joke??”

Hilarious.

Someone interpreted the joke to be that the father arrived at the bar before the son, but the bartender — who was a TFO member— pestered him with so many questions, (e.g., what size is your tank, what’s your basking temp, cool temp, hot temp, what kind of UVB, do you have a ceramic heat emitter...

I love that my silly joke has spawned even funnier ones!!!

You can see how lousy I am in tellling jokes. The joke is supposed to be, why would the bartender need an actual description of another tortoise in a bar that is filled with humans.

Three tortoises walk into a bar. The first one, a Greek tortoise, had a bandage on his eyes so the bartender asked him, “what happened to your eyes?” “You see, I stared up at a coiled UVB bulb in my tank for too long and it blinded me,” the Greek replied. The second one, a Leopard tortoise...

Sorry for your loss.

Hey Blackdog — I will heed your advice and enter the Nuthouse (at my own risk)! Thank you. But before I do, here’s a parting story on this generic thread: Three tortoises tried escaping an asylum. While walking, the first one, a Sulcata, said, “if there’s a tall fence, we’ll dig under it.”...

“Maxim,” means the greatest in Russian.

A state trooper stopped me on I-95 when I was driving around with my leopard tortoise, Desmond, in the front seat without a seatbelt. “What are you doing with that turtle?” He exclaimed, “you should take it to the zoo!” Luckily, he didn’t give me a ticket. A week later, the same cop pulled...

So I changed his name to Turdle. Lol.

Great point. My tort is only 7 months old so it’ll probably be a year before I move him outside. And then I’ll put the sign on his outdoor enclosure.