I'm a little behind on this thread, just read about your dog. Omg, I am so very very sorry. I friend and forum member just lost one of her dogs about a month ago and almost a second one. It is so hard. 15 years, thats a long time, you did good. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you did the right thing by not making him suffer as hard of a decision it is, you thought about him before yourself. Again, so very sorry, I know the pain, all too well. It does get better, it may never go away completely, but you always have the good times to hold onto.