COLD DARK ROOM

[CarolM]

I look at self doubt and depression in a similar way as addiction. It takes determination to stop. Medication helps in some cases with depression but it did nothing for me. It was like bandaging a broken arm without setting the bone straight first.
I had to be honest with myself, all the terrible things that had happened to me could have happened to anyone. There are some things that can't be controlled but others can be.
I still have my family, I am still alive and I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
So I thought about it. What is keeping me from being happy? The answer was- myself. It was like I was addicted to the self hate and depression the same way an addict is addicted to a drug. Only without a high.
It is not good for me, there is no reason to do it but there I am doing it anyway. So I decided to quite. I smile even while I cry sometimes. But I WILL BE HAPPY DAMN IT!

Very nicely put.

 

[CarolM]

A Very Good Morning Everyone. Have an awesome Monday and chat later.

 

[JoesMum]

My first response is everything. But really what I want to change is my psychological self perspective. Because until I can change that I can not change my life. No matter what I do or where I go if I can't change what's in my head it will not make a difference in my situation.

The problem with depression is that it is a mental illness.

I know. I have been there and come out the other side fortunately.

It’s not something you can just snap out of or think your way through. It doesn’t just go away by thinking happy thoughts. Like any illness, you need help to fix it.

Depression is a nasty illness. It tells you there’s no way through. That nobody else can help you. It doesn’t give you a break. However, you have made the first important step by admitting things have to change.

So here in the UK, I would insist someone gets medical help. I know things are complicated by your Crohn’s, but a course of medication, properly managed by a doctor, can make a massive difference. Yes, they’re addictive. However, you can be managed off them... I was; I was on meds for about 12 months start to finish.

The meds give you the space to breathe. My husband said it made me “act normally”. I don’t doubt it saved our marriage... this was over 20 years ago.

Next you need some kind of counselling. Someone to talk to. What mental health charities do you have in the USA? They will have counsellors, support groups and some have telephone and Internet based counsellors.

This is MIND’s website. They’re a British charity, but their website will give you an insight into what might help you
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/

The other place to look is your college. It’s not unusual for students to have mental health issues. Here, all colleges and universities will have student support services that deal with everything from landlord problems to physical disability via mental health and can direct students to people that can help them. I will be surprised if there’s nothing at your college.

 

[JoesMum]

Lol. Good Morning Linda.

A Very Good Morning Everyone. Have an awesome Monday and chat later.

Good morning all. The sun is still out, the sky is mostly blue and there are just a few snowflakes falling. Which way will the weather turn, I wonder?

 

[DE42]

The problem with depression is that it is a mental illness.

I know. I have been there and come out the other side fortunately.

It’s not something you can just snap out of or think your way through. It doesn’t just go away by thinking happy thoughts. Like any illness, you need help to fix it.

Depression is a nasty illness. It tells you there’s no way through. That nobody else can help you. It doesn’t give you a break. However, you have made the first important step by admitting things have to change.

So here in the UK, I would insist someone gets medical help. I know things are complicated by your Crohn’s, but a course of medication, properly managed by a doctor, can make a massive difference. Yes, they’re addictive. However, you can be managed off them... I was; I was on meds for about 12 months start to finish.

The meds give you the space to breathe. My husband said it made me “act normally”. I don’t doubt it saved our marriage... this was over 20 years ago.

Next you need some kind of counselling. Someone to talk to. What mental health charities do you have in the USA? They will have counsellors, support groups and some have telephone and Internet based counsellors.

This is MIND’s website. They’re a British charity, but their website will give you an insight into what might help you
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/

The other place to look is your college. It’s not unusual for students to have mental health issues. Here, all colleges and universities will have student support services that deal with everything from landlord problems to physical disability via mental health and can direct students to people that can help them. I will be surprised if there’s nothing at your college.

I'm hesitant with drugs because when I was put on them once instead of helping me it made me suicidal, even more so than normal and I tried to kill myself. I was placed into a stabilization unit for 3 days while they got the drugs out of my system. I've also been to four different concealers and while they may have helped a little I can't see much of a big change from them unfortunately. By the 3rd visit I could predict everything that they where going to say.
The college I goto does have someone but they are just grad students "getting their hours in" as one told me once.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic but I guess with the depression that's normal lol.

Here is something else about me. When I do hear about a group that I could go to for this or that most of the time I don't because I'm afaid. I gave social anxiety and tend to isolate myself. That breads the depression and causes me to believe that there is something wrong with me that people do not like me. But in reality I do it too myself. I have walls of lies that i have told myself for so long that I believe them.

The worse part about all of this is that when I step back and really tale a deep look at myself I can see all of it and how screwed up I am. But I don't know how it change those things about myself. I'll try and within a few weeks I usually end up curled up in a ball having a mental breakdown.

 

[JoesMum]

I'm hesitant with drugs because when I was put on them once instead of helping me it made me suicidal, even more so than normal and I tried to kill myself. I was placed into a stabilization unit for 3 days while they got the drugs out of my system.

There are different drugs and some are not recommended for young people because they can cause suicidal thought. Understanding of the drugs is changing rapidly. Just because one was bad for you doesn’t mean there isn’t one that will work.

I've also been to four different counsellors and while they may have helped a little I can't see much of a big change from them unfortunately. By the 3rd visit I could predict everything that they where going to say.
The college I goto does have someone but they are just grad students "getting their hours in" as one told me once.

Counselling alone is unlikely to be enough. Take a look at that MIND website to see all the therapies that can help.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic but I guess with the depression that's normal lol.

It sure is the depression talking

Here is something else about me. When I do hear about a group that I could go to for this or that most of the time I don't because I'm afaid. I gave social anxiety and tend to isolate myself. That breads the depression and causes me to believe that there is something wrong with me that people do not like me. But in reality I do it too myself. I have walls of lies that i have told myself for so long that I believe them.

The worse part about all of this is that when I step back and really tale a deep look at myself I can see all of it and how screwed up I am. But I don't know how it change those things about myself. I'll try and within a few weeks I usually end up curled up in a ball having a mental breakdown.

And this is why you need help. What you have said is all your depression talking. You cannot fix this alone. You do need to go back and get proper medical help.

Find your local version of MIND. There will be charities both at State and National level

I found these links:
https://www.nami.org/Find-Support
https://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI?state=TN
http://namitn.org/

 

[DE42]

Thanks.

 

[Bee62]

I have spent the majority of the day working on the design for Clunker's new enclosure..
I had one all planned out, and then my hubby says to me "you can't make it that deep, it needs to be able to fit through a door in case we move. Or you can make one to go in the carport, but it will need to be insulated, and you can even make it a tad bigger."
So I scrapped my previous design and started anew..

It is never too late .... for new ideas. Hello BamBam.

 

[Bee62]

Serious question. How do you change your life to be the way you want it to be and not fall into the same pitfalls over and over and over again?

I`ve asked you several times what you are interested in, but you haven`t answered my question. When you are interested in things that you can share with other people in a club or society go there and join. It should be easier to make new friends there.
Be the man you are. Don`t try to hide your problems and fears behind a mask. When you talk with friendly people they will understand you and take you just the way you are and believe me, that`s the best way- to be what you are, not pretending what you want to be.

 

[Bee62]

My first response is everything. But really what I want to change is my psychological self perspective. Because until I can change that I can not change my life. No matter what I do or where I go if I can't change what's in my head it will not make a difference in my situation.

You try to force changes that can`t be forced easy. Changes that maybe cannot be changed by yourself alone.
Do you want to make new friends ? Go out and find them as I advised you. In societies or clubs, or when you walk your dogs... LOL ! Do you know that dogs are the best way to get in contact with new people, often females ???

Friendship of people will change your psychological self perspective. That is the way it should go, not the other way round.

You see yourself in such a negativ way that you are at present unable to change this point of view by yourself.

BUT YOU ARE NOT NEGATIVE IN ANY THING !

You are young, good looking, have employment and a house. You make jokes and you are funny. You love animals. There are sure a lot of points I forgot and can be added !
This is the Dan I know from this forum. There are no negative things I can rember. Health problems don`t count because show me one person without any health problems.
People who reject other people because of health problems are stupid and have never thought about that the next day they could have health problems too.
I am living with a disabled man. It is sometimes not easy but it is no reason to reject him for his problems.

They only thing you need is more self-confidence. You must learn that people have to take you the way you are. There is no reason that you change yourself for other people. They should love you or they should leave you.
Real friends would not leave you, they will love you.
It is a long rough way to get more self-confidence, I know. I told you that I have to learn it the rough way too when I was young, but I learned it. I am what I am, and you are what you are: A nice and handsome young man !

You might say it is easy to write: Make new friends. Yeah, you are right. It is easy to write and hard to do. But you are the only one that can do it for you. Nobody else !
Go out, visit museems, expositions, anything that will be interesting for you.
Sitting in the four walls of your house and fighting with bad thoughts can`t help you.
Go out and say to yourself : Here I am. Who wants to know me and take me the way I am ?
Do it ! Take all your courage and do it ! Be yourself !

 

[CarolM]

Hi Sabine
How are you doing? Haven't seen you in the CDR for a few days.

 

[Bee62]

Hi Sabine
How are you doing? Haven't seen you in the CDR for a few days.

I was there but not posting because I have to work. Now I am free of work for the next 3 days.
Life is good, as to speak with Adam`s words.
Thank you for missing me Carol

 

[Bambam1989]

It is never too late .... for new ideas. Hello BamBam.

Hello Bee!

 

[Kristoff]

Haven’t even started wading through the last 690 (!) posts, but: Hi, I’m back!
Here’s my new friend from Tivoli in Copenhagen - my green eyed monster:

So, the last I read was something about giving fish a bubbly bath by mixing champagne and dishwasher liquid... or was it about drying cats in a microwave? Anyway, what did I miss?

 

[JoesMum]

Haven’t even started wading through the last 690 (!) posts, but: Hi, I’m back!
Here’s my new friend from Tivoli in Copenhagen - my green eyed monster:
View attachment 231572
So, the last I read was something about giving fish a bubbly bath by mixing champagne and dishwasher liquid... or was it about drying cats in a microwave? Anyway, what did I miss?

Welcome back Lena... If that was the conversation Sabine and I had then it went on a bit [emoji23]

We’re on Day 3 of Wifey’s birthday.

Sabine’s been busy but also made it back today * waves to Sabine [emoji112] *

It’s been quite quiet over the weekend, but I did post a few postcards.

How is the weather where you are? (And Sabine for that matter) You are both between us and Russia where our bitter East wind is coming from.

We have had snow showers on and off all day. It is COLD!

 

[Kristoff]

Welcome back Lena... If that was the conversation Sabine and I had then it went on a bit [emoji23]

We’re on Day 3 of Wifey’s birthday.

Sabine’s been busy but also made it back today * waves to Sabine [emoji112] *

It’s been quite quiet over the weekend, but I did post a few postcards.

How is the weather where you are? (And Sabine for that matter) You are both between us and Russia where our bitter East wind is coming from.

We have had snow showers on and off all day. It is COLD!

Thank you for the update, Linda!
Happy 3rd Day of Birthday, Wifey !
I’ll check the postcards in a little bit. Our night temps have dropped to -9C, the coldest I have seen both in 2014-2015 and this time around. There’s some snow in the forecast but for now it’s just clear and super cold.

 

[JoesMum]

Thank you for the update, Linda!
Happy 3rd Day of Birthday, Wifey !
I’ll check the postcards in a little bit. Our night temps have dropped to -9C, the coldest I have seen both in 2014-2015 and this time around. There’s some snow in the forecast but for now it’s just clear and super cold.

Super cold here too. High of zero Celsius (“feels like” -5°C) today. We are headed for -6°C tonight... I don’t intend to find out what that feels like

 

[Kristoff]

He only beheaded two. He divorced two as well.

We learn the order in history as young children:
Divorced, beheaded, died
Divorced, beheaded, survived

That’s a cheery lesson for young children!

 

[Yvonne G]

Beef Stroganoff

 

[JoesMum]

That’s a cheery lesson for young children!

I think most children have a gruesome streak.

There's a humorous series of children's history books called Horrible Histories that plays on this. Kids love them!