Divorce :/

[TiyahLove]

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we where together through some of junior high (middle school) and all of highschool and collage. Recently we have been having difficulties in the relationship and the other day I went through my hubbies phone and found he had been seeing another woman. I sent the kids to grandma and grandpa's for the week so their father and I can talk. Well things aren't looking up for me in the situation. We have quite a few kinks to work through and divorce recently popped into his mind.
I truly do love this man we have been together as a couple for almost 15 years and I don't want to lose our relationship. I don't want to give up especially for the kids and my love for him. Yeah I'm hurt, but I believe in working things out other than dropping everything. We are going to go to marriage counseling to hopefully work things out and fix any problems in the relationship. I just need opinions from you guys on what you think should be done. I love this man with all my heart and I do still believe there is hope for us. It's not too far gone yet. I don't want it getting to that point which is why we are acting on the problems NOW!

 

[Joanne]

I personally think things like this are always worth working on when children are involved. You seem to be a very understanding spouse. Good luck, I hope it all works out OK for you.

 

[barroncourtney45]

Im so sorry. Im to young to be married and probebly understand this like others but i know going through something like that really hurts, expecially when married. I went through something like that but just dating. We are all good now and im hoping yall can do the same. Im praying for you and your family. Keep your head up.

 

[bouaboua]

May God be your wisdom and strength the lead you through all this.

Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[Linz2491]

I'm so sorry you are
Going through this. I am also divorced with three kids after nearly ten years of marriage. I dated him mostly from 16
Years old so I had a lot of reason to keep trying. Problem is, it can't be one sided. Your husband has to want to be married to you. Seeing other woman does not show that. It is something that can be worked out, but he has to actually want to work it out and change.
Life for me is far better now. I don't regret my divorce a bit. It was very amicable and aside from a horrid year when he got remarried to someone he barely new and she tried to take my children so they didn't have to pay child support. Luckily they lost, are in the process of a divorce, and him and I are back on friendly terms.
It's not easy for sure but life will go on and you will be ok.

 

[diamondbp]

I would pray pray pray and try your best to work things out. The children deserve it. If there was ever true marital love there before than it can surely be there again. God can restore broken marriages if he is involved. Best of luck to you and your family!

 

[Jacqui]

If both parties are not commited to the marriage, then it won't work out. I believe that staying married for the children, does not work well for any of the folks involved, especially the children who sense things are wrong. Even if you divorce, it does not mean the end of the relationship. You not only will always have the sharing of the children, but you can still be friends. I know this because I have gotten divorced twice. My exs and I are great friends, we just could not be great partners to each other. We all get together for the children and I know I can count on them any time I need them, even now that the children are grown up. My experience is normally once a spouse cheats, they will do it again in the future. There are exceptions of course.

If you both do decide to stay together then I wish you the best of luck.

 

[tortoise5643]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I agree with some of the above, keep praying.

 

[milkandsam]

I hope everything works out for you. Be very careful what you say around your children. Many of my close friends feel very trapped between their divorced parents. I just hope everything works out for you. I am thinking of you during this difficult time.

 

[MzNENA]

I know what it is you are going through.
I married my highschool boyfriend as well at the age of 17 & we have a 5 year old son together.
We have had many, many challenges in which he mostly felt he was too young to be married & would leave us for periods of time, at a time. Very stressful times, fidelity was always a concern, but we continue to persevere through it all.

Of course when a child is involved, it is definitely worth trying to work things out for their sake. In this day & age you almost rarely see parents staying together anymore.
Not a good trend, whatsoever.
Take the time that you need to heal, work things out calmly. Keep the children out of arguments. They pick up on EVERYTHING. When a final decision is made that may affect the children, then calmly explain the situation with them with no hostility towards other partner.

As long as both parties come to an agreement & want the same goal, working & fixing relationships, is always possible

Keep your head up lovely & best of luck to you.
You are a strong woman, these times will pass :heart:

 

[Elohi]

I'm very sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry he betrayed you and has hurt you. My only advice is to listen to your inner self, your gut, your intuition through every step you take.
I have been through a really really nasty divorce. We have two children together and he lost his ever loving mind through the separation and things got extremely ugly. It was hard to follow my gut because of fear. But no matter what, you really do need to listen to your inner self because your inner self knows the future long before your body/mind has a clue. Trust your decisions whatever they may be. Life goes on...as you choose it. By that I mean, you go to marriage counseling, your husband sees the what he has done and vows to never betray you again, and y'all plug on. Or you hobble along and it falls apart. Or you pull the plug. Whatever it is, be strong for the kiddos. They are watching and learning from this experience as well as you are. Good luck. Truly, my best wishes. It will all work out [HEAVY BLACK HEART]️

 

[wellington]

Got divorced for the same reason. No kids involved though. We tried working on it for a year. Well, I tried, he just cheated again. If he is not willing too be 100 % transparent! kick him to the curve, in a friendly way. I do believe it ALWAYS takes two to cause problems. It also takes those same two to work them out.
If it does not work, try to remain friends and work out your divorce together. That way the lawyers don't suck you dry.
Good luck. I feel for you. It really hurts and really sucks. If you both want it too work, I believe it can. Only if both parties wants it too.

 

[TiyahLove]

I'm very sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry he betrayed you and has hurt you. My only advice is to listen to your inner self, your gut, your intuition through every step you take.
I have been through a really really nasty divorce. We have two children together and he lost his ever loving mind through the separation and things got extremely ugly. It was hard to follow my gut because of fear. But no matter what, you really do need to listen to your inner self because your inner self knows the future long before your body/mind has a clue. Trust your decisions whatever they may be. Life goes on...as you choose it. By that I mean, you go to marriage counseling, your husband sees the what he has done and vows to never betray you again, and y'all plug on. Or you hobble along and it falls apart. Or you pull the plug. Whatever it is, be strong for the kiddos. They are watching and learning from this experience as well as you are. Good luck. Truly, my best wishes. It will all work out [HEAVY BLACK HEART]️

I made sure the kiddos weren't here while we where talking about the initial stuff. I don't want them exposed to that, they're to young to understand the concept of what's going on, but I don't want them to know what's going on until a decision is made. It's my job as a parent to protect them and I'm protecting them from my problems. I know when I was a kid my step father was abusive to my mother and they would fight all the time and it took a toll on me and I don't want mine experiencing the same(without the abusive part)

 

[mike taylor]

If you really love him and he loves you back then love will find a way . I have been with my high school sweetheart for 21 years . My bad my middle school sweetheart . Its about trust and understanding . If you can't trust your loved one to be true there is no hope . You can put yourself in a situations to where you can't trust . People do change and grow apart but it's all the bad times that make you stronger . So keep your head up high . Don't let him see you fall apart . If you want everything to workout as long as there is love it will . But thats not our choice to make . Don't let anyone tell you it will not work . It takes two to be as one . Show him you love him and make him show you . You have to make time for him and he'll need to do the same . You get what you receive . Keep your head up and be strong don't let anyone break you down . I'm sorry this is happening to you and I will pray for you . If you need to break down and talk we are here .

 

[TiyahLove]

I talked with him earlier about what is going on and he says that he does love me he just says things have changed. He said he is willing to go to marriage counseling with me and try to work things out and hope for the best.
I explained to him my stand point in the situation and even though he seriously betrayed my trust and hurt me that I do love him and I believe that we can work this out especially for the kids, but I don't want the kids to be the only reason we are together. I want him to be happy as well as myself.
We came to an agreement to start working forward from things. Once this has all passed we will work forward from it together or not. He did do something that made me feel kinda happy and ehh at the same time. He told me that he was sorry about it all and he wishes he hadn't hurt me, but that things just got kinda boring. He wished we could get out of the routine we have from work and kids and try to take a night out and enjoy ourselves and have fun. I admit I had a roll to play too. I recently got promoted at work and had to work a lot of double shifts during the week so I wasn't home much.
I think there is a great chance we can still make things work and mend the relationship. There's a lot to work on, but it's well worth the effort. He's given me two beautiful children and a generally happy marriage. He used to treat me like a queen until about a month ago (that's the only reason I had a suspicion I knew something was up)

Funny thing is I called the other woman and her husband answered. I hate playing hard ball but when another woman gets in my relationship it's going to happen so... I might have given her husband a little too much insight on what she was doing. He even explained to me they have only been married a month and a half. Well let's just say I don't think their marriage will last much more. Sorry sweetie, but you want to f with me I can sure f with you. Oh I'm such a child when it comes to this. I don't feel bad though she knew he was married with children. B****!!!!!!!

 

[Jacqui]

Well, I hope things work out, but I can't say I am impressed with you talking to the other woman's husband. I think that was a bit petty, mean spirited, and immature. Why hurt another innocent, but that is something you have to live with.

 

[mike taylor]

I would have did the same . You did the right thing . I know if my wife did this to me . I would of told the dudes wife for sure . Working late is not a excuse! If you have a problem you talk to your wife or husband not cheat! Period end of story! It happed you love him do what you have to to fix it . Put it behind you . Don't ever talk about it again . If you can do that it will work if you can't . Then it will not work . I beleave you can . You need to follow your heart nothing else . Just be happy life is to short . Before you know it this will be over and you will smile again .

 

[TiyahLove]

Re: RE: Divorce :/

Well, I hope things work out, but I can't say I am impressed with you talking to the other woman's husband. I think that was a bit petty, mean spirited, and immature. Why hurt another innocent, but that is something you have to live with.

The girl he tangled with used to be a Co worker of mine. She knew I had children and how long I had been with him. I do feel slightly bad, but if she would betray her husband this early on there's no telling what she'd do later on. That's not really my point. She doesn't have a family so she can not relate to what she has done to mine. Yes it was both their fault but she should have been the bigger person and said no. I generally don't want to cause anyone any harm by any means, but when her husband answered earlier I was a raging mess to begin with. When it comes to my family I'm not the person to mess with because when you mess with my family it's not just me it's my children as well. She should have known better knowing it is MY husband and my kids to back off and not have let anything occur.

If I'm going to suffer for her causing my family to almost crumble she deserves what she gets.

Ehh my views on the whole revenge thing may be different and childish in the situation. I could have handled it way differently and didn't but what is done is done can't be taken back and I can live with how I handled the situation. Revenge isn't my specialty as I'm fairly calm natured, but she just destroyed years and years of trust and it got the worst of me.

 

[lisa127]

I understand what you're saying, but it is he who destroyed the trust....not her.

 

[ALDABRAMAN]

I tried, he just cheated again.

It is already done and will never be the same!