Divorce :/

[Jacqui]

If you had punished her that would have been one thing, but you punished him. Your marriage is in crumbles because of YOU (as you admit), YOUR husband, and this woman, not that poor man or your children. If fair is fair, should she get her revenge on you by telling your children? No because like the other guy, they should be allowed to not be drawn into this mess. This moment of revenge was sweet to you from what you said earlier. You seemed very proud of your behavior. You do not start to repair and rebuild a marriage, but destroying another marriage. In my opinion, you have become as much of a homewrecker as this lady was. Plus it seems your wanting to forgive your husband who was half of this issue, but not the lady who did the other half? I am not sensing you can really forgive your husband. May I ask where is his dose of punishment like you gave out to the lady?

 

[wellington]

I tried, he just cheated again.

It is already done!

Oh yes. But that was 20 years ago. I walked with my head high though

 

[T33's Torts]

*scoffs* men.

Sorry about your troubles and I'm glad you've come to a conclusion.
This is why I am a hermit.

 

[ALDABRAMAN]

This is why I am a hermit.

* That is for sure one option, LOL!

 

[T33's Torts]

Re: RE: Divorce :/

This is why I am a hermit.

* That is for sure one option, LOL!

The BETTER option too.

Now if only I had a shell....

 

[ALDABRAMAN]

This is why I am a hermit.

* That is for sure one option, LOL!

The BETTER option too.

Now if only I had a shell....

* Perfect! (smile)

 

[jennanne]

You go girl. A man deserves to know if his woman is cheating on him, just like you deserved to know.

 

[lisa127]

I so agree.

 

[wellington]

Oh, I am a revenge type person. I do think her husband should have been told. It's not fair to leave him looking like a fool and living a lie.
As for her. Well, I got my revenge on the cheap piece of dirt. Every time she was seen in public, by people I knew, well let's just say, she didn't have a good time
Oh, yes, the German can come out of me big time, I go for the throat. Don't like to waist time
Personally I think you need to do for you what can help you deal with it. Anyone that has not gone through this can't understand the gut wrenching pain, thoughts and feelings that run crazy through your brain. It's your world turned upside down like you can not believe. Everything you knew, no longer do you know. I so get it and totally understand what you did. Even though it sounds like you punished him, you did really get her and you may have saved him from prolonged betrayal.
Do what you need to do for yourself too be able to stand strong for your kids and to your husband.

 

[lisa127]

Oh, I am a revenge type person. I do think her husband should have been told. It's not fair to leave him looking like a fool and living a lie.
As for her. Well, I got my revenge on the cheap piece of dirt. Every time she was seen in public, by people I knew, well let's just say, she didn't have a good time
Oh, yes, the German can come out of me big time, I go for the throat. Don't like to waist time
Personally I think you need to do for you what can help you deal with it. Anyone that has not gone through this can't understand the gut wrenching pain, thoughts and feelings that run crazy through your brain. It's your world turned upside down like you can not believe. Everything you knew, no longer do you know. I so get it and totally understand what you did. Even though it sounds like you punished him, you did really get her and you may have saved him from prolonged betrayal.
Do what you need to do for yourself too be able to stand strong for your kids and to your husband.

I do understand. I have been there. And I still say, it is not the other woman that ruined years of trust. It is her husband who did that.

 

[wellington]

Oh, yes, I totally agree with you, absolutely.
What I also wanted too say. No matter what has happened, there is never, ever a reason for cheating!!! Never, ever. So don't let him blame you, your promotion or your busy schedule for his cheating and don't you either. It always takes two for a marriage to work or not work. It only takes one dirt bag that cheats to ruin EVERYTHING.

 

[edwardbo]

the way i see it is you two have a lot invested in this relationship ,time , history, a home, beautiful kids and so much more.dont let go so easily,hang on to your man.....you said up untill a month ago things were good.get back to the place where you loved each other,life ,career,KIDS,and just living puts presure on the best of us.....i bet he never looked in her eyes or said he loved her,he loves you....maybe he had a small case of itchy **** syndrome,its very curable.love each other,what ever you two have is special,,only you two have it....i dont mean to sound cold or like a low life,but i truly think your investment is more important than his feble attempt to get some attention or feel titalated,your his woman make him feel like hes your man....as far as the other couple ,maybe you did them a faver,the dim witted guy was having the wool pulled over his eyes by this dbag.....the only ones that make out in divorce are the lawers,,,,and its ALWAYS THE CHILDREN THAT ARE HURT THE MOST.....think of it as a lapse in judjment on the part of your husband,he loves you and you love him,i dont think this was about love at all anyway.go on about your lives and love each other....pm me if you want.....and fellow tort lovers dont judge me to harshly.there is more at stake here than emotional snap decisions.

---

listen to my friend diamondbp,his words are gentler than mine but the sentiment is the same.

 

[TiyahLove]

Re: RE: Divorce :/

If you had punished her that would have been one thing, but you punished him. Your marriage is in crumbles because of YOU (as you admit), YOUR husband, and this woman, not that poor man or your children. If fair is fair, should she get her revenge on you by telling your children? No because like the other guy, they should be allowed to not be drawn into this mess. This moment of revenge was sweet to you from what you said earlier. You seemed very proud of your behavior. You do not start to repair and rebuild a marriage, but destroying another marriage. In my opinion, you have become as much of a homewrecker as this lady was. Plus it seems your wanting to forgive your husband who was half of this issue, but not the lady who did the other half? I am not sensing you can really forgive your husband. May I ask where is his dose of punishment like you gave out to the lady?

You obviously did not understand what I was saying. This woman knew me on a personal level. She knew I had children and I am married to him. She jeopardized my relationship with my husband and his relationship with MY CHILDREN. She is a homewrecker and her newly formed marriage doesn't mean a thing to me. She should have been the bigger person and said no instead of WRECKING MY HOME. My home of 20 years has been a living hell for me the past week and a half due to her and my husband fooling around. It's not all her fault but she should have said NO LIKE ANY CARING PERSON WOULD ESPECIALLY ONE THAT KNOWS ME ON A PERSONAL LEVEL.

Sorry for the rudeness but I felt you where being rude to me calling me a homewrecker. She has done more damage than I did to her.

---

And I never said it was her husband's fault or my childrens. I was NOT blaming my children or her husband for my husband and her careless bs.

 

[Tom]

Frankly, none of this is any of our business, and I'm not sure why you'd take it public like this.

However, I subscribe to the theory "three A's" as deal breakers. Abuse (as in physical), Alcohol (or drugs), and Adultery. Marriage is a life long bond to be taken seriously. Nobody ever said "in sickness and in health for all eternity, or unless I get bored with the monotony of day to day life..."

Your husband made a bad decision. In doing so he threw away all that was sacred between you. To allow yourself to be a door mat is NOT setting a good example for your children. If the children are what matters here, and I think they matter most, you should be giving them an example of what happens when someone tramples the sanctity of marriage. Do you want your children to marry some @$$-hole, and get cheated upon? Kids marry people just like their parents. If you tolerate this behavior, you are sending a message that this behavior should be tolerated.

As for you accepting some responsibility in this, that is NONSENSE! Every marriage has tough times. Every marriage gets "boring". That is not an excuse to go "entertaining" yourself sexually outside your marriage. Are you HEARING what you are saying here?

Buck up woman. Find your inner strength. Do what is right and set the example that you feel is right for your children. This is not a time to let weakness or fearfulness dictate your actions. You have worth, and you deserve to be treated well.

 

[lisa127]

Well said, Tom. All of it.

 

[Yvonne G]

I also believe that this is no place for this thread. If you need to talk about the hard times you're going through, find a close friend or family member. I don't think a tortoise Forum, or any open forum for that matter, is the place for such a personal and heart-breaking problem to be aired.

 

[TiyahLove]

Re: RE: Divorce :/

I also believe that this is no place for this thread. If you need to talk about the hard times you're going through, find a close friend or family member. I don't think a tortoise Forum, or any open forum for that matter, is the place for such a personal and heart-breaking problem to be aired.

Yeah you're right. I just wanted advice that wasn't sugar coated like it would be from a close friend or family member and i knew the people on the forum would tell me their personal opinions from their experiences and I needed the advice because i have never experienced anything like this before. I hate when people sugar coat things, but you are right I shouldn't make it so public.

 

[TortsNTurtles]

I am sorry you are going through this and I can understand reaching out to others who are not personally involved or know either of you to seek support and advice. When friends and family are involved they can take up an offense and the situation can get worse. I would be glad to help if you need to talk or just an ear to listen. You can pm me . anytime.
Adulatory is a sin because it destroys people and families. It breaks my heart to see you going through this I can't imagine how God feels. I agree with Tom you are not to blame with his choice. We should forgive but that does not mean take the blame. Everyone is responsible for their actions. That is a serious choice he made with great consequences.
I know you are hurting and would glad to help. (( hugs))

 

[wellington]

I am sorry you are going through this and I can understand reaching out to others who are not personally involved or know either of you to seek support and advice. When friends and family are involved they can take up an offense and the situation can get worse. I would be glad to help if you need to talk or just an ear to listen. You can pm me . anytime.
Adulatory is a sin because it destroys people and families. It breaks my heart to see you going through this I can't imagine how God feels. I agree with Tom you are not to blame with his choice. We should forgive but that does not mean take the blame. Everyone is responsible for their actions. That is a serious choice he made with great consequences.
I know you are hurting and would glad to help. (( hugs))

I agree with this. I understand why you would come to a place like this. I totally get it. Those who don't, most likely never experienced it.

 

[TiyahLove]

I thank everyone giving me advice and the extra support it need. I've never experienced something like this before and I don't know what to do. I wanted advice and opinions from everyone who has experienced something like this and it gave me a view of what I can do to help myself get through this no matter what the outcome is. My main objective is to make sure my kids are happy and that their father and I can find a solution to work through it together or if separation would be the best option. Either way hearing everyone else's stories and views on it all has given me a better perspective on what I should try to do to make the situation better.