What Dreams May Come....Robin Williams

[ascott]

I have seen this movie a couple of times in my life. Tonight I watch it with a different set of eyes.....I have avoided indulging much in the recent events surrounding Robin Williams.

I have to say that I have always been glued to this movie--- as well as The Fisher King.....you know, some folks say that depression is a terrible thing, and I have to agree..... I do hope though that folks realize that being happy 24/7 is just not a normal thing, no matter what the media, the pharmacists and all of the other entities who profit off of this crazy notion say...so when you may have a day or two or a week or a month...remember how it feels to have the good moments....and please do hang on.....there is no perfect place, no perfect time....nothing perfect. Some days we are all blessed with being just a bit closer to perfect....but never perfect.

I have a cousin, one of my fav people in the entire world....funny, warm, strong, courageous, scared, beat down, alone and lonely....I just wish that I had known that he had made the decision to move on, I wish I would have had a brief moment---at least I could have said to him how awesome and lovely I believe him to be, not to try to make him change his heart, but just a moment to tell him....I am sometimes angry, I am sometimes confused....but I think that the moment I have the hardest time with, is trying to imagine how alone he must have felt, how defeated he must have felt, how out on a limb he felt....I just hope that once you move on out of this world, you are afforded, a brief moment in time to feel all of the love held for you...in that moment when you leave here on your way there...to know a rushing feeling of love and warmth and no longer alone....I do miss him.

I often will pretend, he is still only hundreds of miles away, working, eating, sleeping and living .....sometimes this helps me when I have to realize he is not..I tried to get through it by being angry, and sometimes I actually am....I sometimes try to understand what may have been in his heart and mind the day he decided....the day he found the rope, the day he decided the exact closet, the day he walked through his home, cleaned the entire house, set out all important papers on a table, set out his car keys, house keys, wallet, cell phone...nicely lined up...considerate to the end. Then my heart sinks again when I remember his Mother, my Auntie, explain to me--in waves of tears...that she has the rope, that she kept it because it was the last thing that surrounded her son before he departed....we all have this life to work through, we all have sadness, happiness and all of the good and horrid things lined up in our paths....please just know ..your life matters....it matters to someone somewhere to simply hear your voice.

 

[Yvonne G]

Very sad.

 

[lisa127]

You have me in tears.

I too have been having a difficult week due to Robins passing. Though it's only been 3 months for me, so things are still raw anyway. In my case, I'm not angry at my nephew for choosing to leave. I am angry because I want to say goodbye. I am angry because for the last 4 months of his life he pushed his mother and me out of his life. We waited and waited....but did not hear from him until the morning we received his goodbye letters. He had changed his number, wouldn't answer my email, even blocked me on Facebook. And then he tells us he pushed us away on purpose. Why? Did he think it would make it easier for us? It didn't! Maybe it made it easier for him....to do what he needed to do.

Just before Thanksgiving him and I had a very long conversation that was odd. I remember telling my husband that night what a weird conversation it was. After his death it became apparent....because he was talking to me about the things he wanted to say before he left. How fair is that? He got to say what he wanted to say. Because he knew. I was clueless so did not get to say the things I want to say. And how I did not put it all together I will never know.

I cannot sleep at night. Just after 2:30 a.m. this morning I said aloud to him, "Please get out of my head. I love you dearly but I need to sleep!"

I miss my boy. For 26 years I loved him. I adored him. I have other nephews and a niece, but Johnny was special to me. He always was and always will be. I tried to be there for him. I told him how much I wanted to take away all his hurt and anger. I am so sorry, my sweet nephew.

Anyway, I am sorry you are hurting. Please know you are not alone.

 

[wellington]

I feel for both of you deeply. I have not experienced this in my life. Let me say though, I do believe in suicide. However, for the old terminally ill or that no longer can do any of the things they used to. I just don't think the old should have to suffer surviving and not living.
I do hope that you both can find some comfort in the fact they did get to do it their way. Too young, yes. Wishing they both and Robin could have realized there will be good times ahead too, but at the least, it was their choice for what ever reason and do remember they are not suffering anymore. I'm not a god believer, but I do feel that what ever does happen to us when we go, it is a nice place or if we go no place, we are not suffering any more either.
I also believe that someone close to you, that you loved, and they loved you, they know this and will forever have that in their hearts.
I hope the both of you and Robins family and anyone else dealing with too young of a suicide, can find some peace with the fact they it was their choice, what they needed and wanted to do. They didn't inform anyone, because unfortunately, this world has made it out too be such a bad thing, no matter what the age or reasons.