Nerd Jokes

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New Member
5 Year Member
Jan 21, 2010
Location (City and/or State)
Just because.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I think I’ve lost an electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!

couple classic pick-up lines

I wish I could be your derivative so I could be tangent to your curves.

Baby, I know my chemistry, and you’ve got one significant figure.

If I were an enzyme I’d be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you.

Heisenberg is cruising in his car on the highway, when he gets pulled over by a cop.

The policeman walks up to the side of Heisenberg's car and says, "do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says, "No, but I know exactly where I am right now."

So there's a Nitrogen atom and a Carbon atom, and the Carbon is hassling a Neon atom, saying "You suck", "Yo mamma so fat", etc. The Nitrogen says to the Carbon, "Don't bother, you won't get a reaction out of him."

There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't...

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.

The Russians use a pencil.

Q: What is a paramecium?
A: Two latin mice


Not nerdy, but it made me chuckle still

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"


Well-Known Member
10 Year Member!
Feb 15, 2008
Location (City and/or State)
I LOVE the '2/10' kinds of people joke, although it really only works in text rather than saying it.

The pencil thing is a great story, but the real story behind it is really interesting (no one really used pencils- the shavings and carbon dust gets everywhere and messes up sensitive electronics)

Was it an earlier thread here for nerd jokes that people actually started to translate their jokes to ASCII and such?


New Member
5 Year Member
Mar 15, 2010
haha!!! these are hilarious!! i really love the pencil joke.
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