Why?

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Maggie Cummings

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I at first wanted to put this in the debatable section, but I don't really want to argue about it, I want to understand why.
I am an open honest vocal trustworthy person.
I have known X for 5 or 6 years. We have one of those Internet friendships. We have emailed privately and he has recommended me to several people in Oregon who have had chelonia problems. I always felt that we liked and respected each other.
I have always complained about the shipping charges at XXX. But I have also recommended XXX to hundreds possibly thousands of people, for the seeds and the lights and all the other stuff a person needs for raising tortoises.
Last summer here on the forum I made a very derogatory remark about the shipping charges using a seriously unfortunate choice of words as I was recommending XXX to a newbie. I thought I was mostly being funny.
Someone here on the forum forwarded my derogatory comment to X. Now I repeat, I have recommended XXX to hundreds or maybe even thousands of people and not one has ever forwarded my positive recommendations to X.
A couple of years ago I got into a public debate with a very well known tortoise author/lecturer. Several months ago I called him a funny name here on the forum and someone had to quickly forward that comment to him so he could very quickly join the forum so he could see for himself what I was saying about him, but by that time I had moved on and the powers that be told me if I wanted to stay here on the forum I shouldn't use that name again.
Just recently my sister had a shipping problem that she talked about here on the forum and on the WCT list. My sister has recommended turtlestuff.com to thousands of people over the years and yet not one person has forwarded her positive recommendations to turtlestuff, but they certainly rushed to forward the one disagreeable post she made about the situation to Annie.
The point of this is to ask why someone would forward those comments on? Were they trying to cause trouble? I don't understand the reasoning behind forwarding my one derogatory comment about X shipping when they hadn't forwarded any of the positive comments I have made over the years about X and his lists and businesses. I have turned hundreds of people onto X lists and businesses...Forwarding that comment on to X caused very much pain to both X and I and it caused a rift in our friendship. In fact there is no friendship any longer. Yes I made a very unfortunate choice in wording but I said it, so I will own it but what was the point in sending that comment on to X? What was that supposed to accomplish? It was mean, done with a mean intent. That is what this thread is about. Why would someone forward a bad comment? What is the point? My comment was not said with a mean intent. I thought I was mostly being funny. But forwarding that post on was mean. It was mean and it hurt people. Yes, what I said certainly didn't come across the way I meant it, but I didn't say it to be mean. I was being slightly sarcastic and mostly funny. But NOT mean. However forwarding on one derogatory comment to X was mean. If I made continually insulting comments about X I could see then the why of forwarding the comments on. But one comment??? What my sister said about turtlestuff was not mean and it wasn't said with a mean intent. But forwarding the comments on was mean and done with a mean intent.
I don't understand how I became so important that one bad comment had to be forwarded on, Why? So that's the thread... Why forward the comments on??? NOT...why were they said in the first place...this is the why were they forwarded on...Why?
 

Tom

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Human nature, Maggie. In retail they used to tell us, "If you do a fantastic, amazing, over the top job, you'll be lucky if they tell one person. If you do even a remotely bad job they will tell at least ten." Its just the way it is. Some people just like the drama. I know a man who embellishes or makes up believable stories about people just to turn two friends against each other for his own entertainment. Evil. All you can do is keep your chin up and try to do the right thing. Forget the naysayers. Nobody ever promised they would all be good days. I think yours and Yvonne's character are pretty apparent. Misunderstandings can happen, but you are both good people, doing good things. If people can't understand and forgive a misunderstanding, then THEY have a personal problem.
 

dmmj

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I worked in retail for many years and I do not think once did anyone ever tell my boss how nice I was, how courteous I was how, much I helped so and so, but if I made one little mistake boom my boss knew before the end of the day. Of course this person could also be a personal friend of so and so and maybe they did not like their friend being called something even in jest, I honestly can not say.
 

Josh

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I don't know who or why, Maggie, but I just wanted to add that this site is indexed by search engines which also help spread the word.
 

kimber_lee_314

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Childish, immature behavior - that's why. Some people don't have enough to do, don't enjoy their lives, don't know how to love others. They find their joy in making trouble for other people. They disguise it under "he's my friend and I think he should know what people are saying about him." This really means they don't care too much for their friend. Why else would they want to share information that might be hurtful to them? If someone said something bad about one of my friends, I would do whatever I could to keep them from finding out! You can't do anything about these kinds of people except pray that they find a better way to live their lives with some meaning.
 
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Maggie Cummings

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I have a pretty good idea who did it. But that doesn't tell me why. And this person is nice to my face...
 

Stephanie Logan

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Tom basically said it all. People like trashing others. It makes them feel powerful.

I've always told my kids to feel sorry for bullies; if they felt self-worth on the inside, they wouldn't be putting other people down on the outside. It's the only way they can feel worthy about themselves and a (false) sense of superiority over others. It's sad.

Most of us recognize that such behavior says far more about the "forwarder" than it does about you or Yvonne. The proof of your character is all over this forum, and I truly do feel sorry for the folks who only want to call attention to small errors of word or judgment...as though they never make any of their own, as though they never need indulgence or forgiveness.
 

ChiKat

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I am constantly reminding my kindergartners to worry about themselves and stop tattling :rolleyes: Apparently some adults did not get that reminder back in kindergarten!
 

Madkins007

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Human nature is such that negative comments are more impactful than positive ones. We tend to pay more attention to negative reviews of products and movies, we give more weight to a negative comment about our looks or behaviors, etc.

Being the devil's advocate here, it is possible (at least in theory) that at least some of the people passing on the posts are looking out for the other person's backs- that they feel close enough to the other person to let them know what is being said about them.

I've been the 'fink' in a similar situation on another board because I thought the person being talked about deserved to know what was being said so they could defend themselves.
 

terracolson

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You have voiced it out, now do you want the issue to blow over? do you want closure?
How can I (We) Help you?
 

Annieski

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IMO, I believe, if your relationship with X was solid, he could have "asked" why the ? comment was even made before getting into a hissy fit. I also think, someone, such as yourself, that has a high standing in the "reptile community" because of your experience, is more of a TARGET just because of the number of people your words reach. If no one clicked on your posts or read your replies, it wouldn't matter what you said about anybody. Facts--info--interpretation--and opinion are all different and yet all necessary to understand. Will you still recommend X business? Let whoever does---decide if the shipping is over-the-top. Do you want to still be friends with X? Post a "retraction" of the derrogatory comment right where the OP was found, and see if X responds in kind. Can't do anything more than that.
 

bikerchicspain

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Sometimes its people that are jealous and have nothing better to do with their time than b***h and cause trouble so that they look and feel better, But deep down that person is regretting what they have done(i hope so) but its not very nice what they have done and i think they should own up if they are on this forum as we (as a forum) are a family and we should be able to trust each other and say what we think without retrobution, Just my opinion, Keep smiling Maggie;)
 
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Maggie Cummings

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Annieski said:
IMO, I believe, if your relationship with X was solid, he could have "asked" why the ? comment was even made before getting into a hissy fit. I also think, someone, such as yourself, that has a high standing in the "reptile community" because of your experience, is more of a TARGET just because of the number of people your words reach. If no one clicked on your posts or read your replies, it wouldn't matter what you said about anybody. Facts--info--interpretation--and opinion are all different and yet all necessary to understand. Will you still recommend X business? Let whoever does---decide if the shipping is over-the-top. Do you want to still be friends with X? Post a "retraction" of the derrogatory comment right where the OP was found, and see if X responds in kind. Can't do anything more than that.

I totally appreciate what you have said about me personally...BUT...I don't have a high standing in the reptile community, I am not liked very well as I have never been able to keep my mouth shut. It's my sister who has a high standing not I. I am considered a b***h. Frankly this forum is one of the first places my rabid personality has been accepted. I love it here so I have toned down my fighting with people and tried to act like a nice person. Thanks for what you have said about me tho...
 

Angi

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I agree with the others..Some people just like to start trouble. I think you should call or e-mail X and get this settled. it can hurt, but it could help. :)
 
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Maggie Cummings

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It was unfortunate that I chose to use a certain person's name and business name in my thread. I apologize for any problems that caused and I hope that person understands I didn't mean any harm, I just didn't think it thru to use his name and for that I am sorry...
 

Jacqui

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dmmj said:
I worked in retail for many years and I do not think once did anyone ever tell my boss how nice I was, how courteous I was how, much I helped so and so, but if I made one little mistake boom my boss knew before the end of the day.

It's because after working at WalMart I realized how true you comment was, that I now make a point of calling in to managers, if the people at their place were good. It takes a bit more for me to do a positive call then a negative, because the negative is fueled by anger/hurt, but it's worth the time and trouble to know somebody is getting positive feedback for a job well done.

Madkins007 said:
I've been the 'fink' in a similar situation on another board because I thought the person being talked about deserved to know what was being said so they could defend themselves.

I will admit to having done the same thing before. (Maggie did ask me if I was the one and in this case, it wasn't me.) The difference is if I feel somebody is being openly attacked, when they have no idea the attack is happening. Or sometimes it's to hear the other side of a story, so I can have a better understanding of the "how comes". Maggie's comment to me, wasn't an "attack", it was just her expressing her feelings, so it would never have caused me to look at it twice, let alone tell X what she wrote. Is seems it either crossed somebody's elses lines or they did it for spite.

I think if it is bothering you (and it must still be) you should ask the person you believe past it on. If they are any kind of person, they should be willing to honestly tell you they did it and why.
 
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